I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years and moved out of state to be with him as well as job opportunties. He says he loves me and doesnt want to lose me and I believed him. When we are together its magic....he even says he wants to have kids with me. I recently found out he was seeing a beautiful pre op transgendered woman for the same amout of time. She left him and I was left to console him after she left.....all this time I had no idea he was seeing her. He told me he didnt want me to leave him and still loves me. He says that is a part of him and he has accepted it. He thanked me for not freaking out...Inside I am and to this time he talks about our future. He is not into post op and male looking women. He says why cant he love 2 people. I recently seen 2 ads he has posted online saying he is looking for romance and feeld lonely when he is home by himself. What about me?....I love him and would marry him and have his children but what's going to happen between the ts & me?
2007-01-08 07:53:07 · 20 answers · asked by Rachel L 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hi Sweetie. You bf's attraction to ts will never go away. He may focus all attentions on you for periods of time throughout your lives, but you have to accept that his ts ts attraction will return again and again over the years. It doesn't necessarily have to end your relationship. It's up to you. This depends on your needs in a relationship. Do you need your man to be singly focused on you, or could you allow him to engage in ts affairs throughout your life together? The risk is that he will fall in love with one, and feel the need to be with this person every night, in which case he would have to leave you. Or it could be just a series of affairs for the rest of your lives together, with you being his main priority. You have to go with what you feel. Personally, I wouldn't take the risk of having children with someone who has these feelings. I'm sure he's a good man, but there are less risky potential partners for you out there.
2007-01-08 08:07:25 · answer #1 · answered by itry007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. This guy is not worth the time and effort you have already put into him. He would not be posting if he was someone you should trust and was not using you as the fallback option when things don;t work out from his wanderings. He's not going to give up his search for "something else" and if you continue on, he will probably end up resenting you for "tying him down". The question he asked, "Why can't he love 2 people" says it all. Marraige is a committment to ONE person, not two or more. Children born of that union allows it to grow, you don't add more people because one of you wants to love more than one. He's going to deny everything, claim undying love for you and you alone, and post for the next person who will fall for his line. Time to take a hard look at what qualities you possess, and why you are willing to settle for someone who talks the talk, but can't walk the walk. If you really want him, you deserve what you get, but don't expect him to be a loving, caring monogamous lover and you'll share whatever he plays with
2007-01-08 17:49:44 · answer #2 · answered by sapphire 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He obviously doesn't love you, or at least not enough. If he is this unfaithful to you before you ever marry, think how bad it will be if you marry him and he continues to be unfaithful. And don't talk yourself that once you are married he won't be lonely because he has you. You wil only hurt yourself if you do that. What about any children you have together? Eventually your marriage would fall apart and if you got custody of the children you would be a divorced single mother, and probably bitter that you were to naive to see that divorce or at least a very unhappy marriage was inevitable.
2007-01-08 15:59:55 · answer #3 · answered by Breein 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Rachel. Honey. Sorry, but it is time for another man sweetheart. My husband used to subscribe to Yahoo! Personals and I just about snap/freaked when I found out he didn't cancel his subscription fast enough. I can imagine your emotional rollercoaster ride. He put you through it baby, then you consolled him over a broken heart. He has desires that are outside of the realm of mainstream love and normality, in his intests and committments. You seem clearly to be a one on one kind of girl, thinking of marriage and children. You can have a good man who is up front with you and faithful. Don't settle. I hope your heart heals soon.
Peace.
2007-01-08 16:01:32 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he does not want to settle down just yet. If he's telling you he wants a future with you including children, but is posting advertisements and saying he is lonely--obviously he is not serious about a relationship (or he would be dedicated to you only). I would confront him about what is going on--you can't play second fiddle or someone for him to be with when noone else is around. You deserve to be treated better than that. Good luck!!
2007-01-08 15:57:14 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Sodas♥ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
some bisexuals can't be satisfied with just one partner. they need one of each, or in this case one regular and one trans..
the fact that he hid this other relatonship from you is very bad news. bisexual or not, cheating is wrong and should be a major alarm that this guy is trouble.
if he's still posting ads, then this is a clear indication that you can only fulfill part of his needs, and never will be able to completely fulfill them.
unless you are confortable sharing him with other people, and if you are comfortable with not knowing if/when/who else he is with, then stay with him..
otherwise, get out now and look for a man who can better fit your needs, and a man who will be 100% happy with you, and only you!
2007-01-08 16:03:15 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has to be on fvcken crack to want to have 2 loves!
If he really loves you then he would only want you, ONLY YOU! But instead he THINKS he needs some whore off a website, to love to, just to stay happy!
No woman deserves that! if i were you, i would see other people for a while and see how he's gonna be, then have him decide if he's just gonna want you!!
im sorry for sounding a bit harsh, but its true, just dont get to like to mad at him and start screaming, that will totally ruin the relationship!!! and have a serious talk with him, that'll help to!
Hope it helps! and good luck!
2007-01-08 16:12:06 · answer #7 · answered by Rin_san44 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen...i don't care what promises he has made to you or what he has says. Because obviously this is stressing you out. Now i know it is easier said then done. But, you can do bad all by yourself you don't need this. Love is hurtful or painful. And it saddens me when i see people using the word love in vain.
2007-01-08 16:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by muslimah4life91 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't make any difference if his thing is goats or transsexuals or straight girls or gay guys. He is to put it bluntly scr***wing around on you.
You need to get that in your head. Sounds like he isn't going to stop either so best thing for you to do is lose him and the quicker the better.
And if he tries to give you any crap about it get your brother or father or both to show him their gun collections.
2007-01-08 16:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by JUAN FRAN$$$ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave this man now. Why can't he love two people? Pshaw. You and you alone should be enough. Don't settle for a love triangle!
2007-01-08 16:25:19 · answer #10 · answered by Nothing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋