her constant whingeing and neediness is more than i can take, i vowed that 2007 would be the year to clear out my social wardrobe, but she is having a unwhingeing and not-so-needy phase
2007-01-08 06:33:28 · 26 answers · asked by scotgal 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
i really think that this is kind of rude.. she was ur friend for 20 years.. through everything she has been there. if she was ur friend for 20 years, u could probably sit and talk to her about this, can't you? tell her exactly what u are feeling and thinking..
don't just throw her away.. try to save a good friendship first. u surely do love her, don't you?
*** but if things don't get better, dump her.. we don't need negative people, they just bring you down
good luck *mwah*
2007-01-08 06:46:29 · answer #1 · answered by girl next door 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, it is just my opinion, and you may not want to hear this, but maybe the problem is yourself. Why do you sit and listen to whining? You're being too nice about it and letting the person walk on you -- and they probably don't even know they are doing it b/c you aren't up front about your concerns. If this person is a friend of 20 years, then I think you owe them a bit more than just "fading" away and wardrobe cleaning and all that kind of BS.
The resolution I think you should make is to examine your own behavior and see what you can do to let this person of 20 years friendship know how they are harming the friendship. Start setting some reasonable boundaries with them. Decide how much whining is enough and then say so. Decide how much neediness is reasonable and then say enough is enough. Offer them a solution, and if they whine about it or don't like it say well I don't know then, let's talk about my problems now lol.
I think that until you learn to set reasonable boundaries for yourself with others, you will continue to need to "clean out your social wardrobe" as you put it accumulating friends who don't fit because you are a wishy washy person with them and let them take advantage of you.
However it bothers me a little that you would refer to a person as a "wardrobe" as if they were some garment meant to make you look good. This is a person who will probably have genuine feelings of grief and sorrow if they lose your friendship -- and here you are describing them as merely a garment to throw away.
But to carry your analgoy along, if you let this stuff go on for 20 years, well you have half the responsbility if the "wardrobe" doesn't fit.
2007-01-08 06:49:25 · answer #2 · answered by Rubythorne 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya....I have had to do similar cleaning as I have aged.
Best way...for being polite, not direct and not coming away as a mean person. Just fade away.
Slowly stop returning emails, phone calls, etc. Don't always answer the phone when you see its them calling. Return emails with less and less text to the point you end up with "yep".
Don't do social gatherings with them, tell them you are just too busy with work, family, mate, etc.
After time they will melt away. Do this to all those you do not want around anymore. By middle to end of the year when they are off the radar...change your email and phone numbers. Move as well if this helps.
Years ago I wanted to lose about 14 people from "the group" so I did the above and even moved. Cleared them all of my plate but one. She dug around and tracked me back down. Still IM's me from time to time and doesn't get the "yep, yep" answers that I am not interested. Some are just leeches.
2007-01-08 06:39:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a way you can not take her calls, Talk with her less and less until you don't talk at all? Don't call her back when she calls, always be busy if she wants to get together. She should get the hint after a while. You could also try being honest with her and tell her you need some space and a break.
2007-01-08 06:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by Handsome's Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't be that bad if you've been friends for 20years. She must have some good points. Write down all her good points and bad and if the good out weighs the bad then have a chat with her. Be honest. Good friends are hard to find.
2007-01-08 06:52:15 · answer #5 · answered by whitney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be just as whingy and needy as she is...she'll realise how insufferable it is and perhaps she'll tone it down a notch. you don't want to get rid of her totally (you might need her in the future), and if you've been her friend for so long, you must like something about her...if she still gets on your nerves just don't call her and she'll get tired of making all the effort.
2007-01-08 06:54:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe her resolution was to be a better less whingeig and non-needy friend! Give her a chance maybe this is a perminet change!
2007-01-08 06:37:57 · answer #7 · answered by Kittyintx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
MAKE A RESOLUTION FOR 2007, DON'T SAY YES WHEN YOU MEAN NO AND DON'T SAY NO WHEN YOU MEAN YES. BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, BE TRUE TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE A MUCH HAPPIER PERSON...IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FRIEND YOU JUST HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOUR HEAD. NEEDY PERSONS HAVE TO GET A LIFE....GOOD LUCK
2007-01-08 06:40:08 · answer #8 · answered by brown eyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello.I have been here too.The best thing to do is just turn off the mobile phone,go to work and build a new social life.There is no need to be nasty with her,but she has to realise that we cannot depend on friend too much and that while help from friends is good,she has to be the one to solve her dilemas..what ever they may be.
2007-01-08 06:38:11 · answer #9 · answered by janine s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell this person your sick of all the winging and that they will have togive you a break,20 years if along time are you sure you want to lose this friendship?
2007-01-08 06:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋