my ex is in the navy (in Guam)and came to visit (SD) we went to the movies on friday and had a few drinks. my bf was ok with it. my ex cant get over me for some reason(after 5 y. & I dont think he is in love with me). I love my bf so very much ok? and went out with my ex because he is the only friend i had in SD and I like him as a friend. last night i was at the movies with my bf and my ex sent me a text message: i miss you babe... my bf of 5 years got so mad and thinks i cheated on him. i called my ex and he didnt answer and when he called back i told him i was his friend and that i didnt want anything else, that i was in love with my bf and that i was not going to risk my relationship for anything. my bf heard everything and i kinda saw a smile in his face but still is upset over this. what should i do to prove him I didnt cheat!!? please guys dont make fun of me. I'm one of those who think you an be friends with your exs but now I know that is risky.
2007-01-08 06:11:37 · 15 answers · asked by chikis 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i agreed on meeting my ex because he only comes to visit once a year. last year we went out and i even invited my bf but he said no. this time I told him: if you dont want me to go just say so and i wont and he said: i'll get mad at you if you dont see him. I'm not a teaser and I'm not full of **** like someone said. I just didnt think this was going to be a big deal. but now i know better. I have to stop my friendship if I want to keep my relationship
2007-01-08 06:38:42 · update #1
Well for starters when you have a boyfriend and you go out with your x while your bf isn't there is one of the biggest no no's you can do in a relationship. Your BF probably only said "OK" because he didn't want you to feel like he was trying to control you or he didn't want to start a fight. It is never a good idea to go out with another man without your man unless you want to invite trust issues into your relationship just as much as it is never a good idea for a man to go out alone with another woman without his woman there, it is opening the door for infidelity and that is the bottom line. You can argue about maturity and trust until your face turns blue, that does not stop that kind of action from being rude and disrespectfull not to mention you already noticed it acts as a huge strain on the trust in your relationship. Anyone who argues that I truly belive is just grasping for excuses to keep the door of infidelity open whether they are conscious about it or not. This is not to say that you cannot be friends with your x but you need to be respectfull to your man as he needs to be towards you. You may have said what you said to your X in front of your man but once you spill a glass of milk you cannot unspill it, you need to clean the mess. You want to prove to your man that you aren't cheating and calm him down? Than don't go out seeing other men unless your man is present. If your X calls you back asking to see you again because he will, do not answer the call unless your man is there. Return the calls to your x only when your man is there and tell your X you have decided not to see him alone anymore, you insist that your bf be there also. See what your X says and that should show you his intentions. I say all this because I am a man and I know the only reason I would keep an X around is for the possiblity of a future booty call and that is your x's intentions as he has already demonstrated. Friendship has nothing to do with his motivations.
2007-01-08 07:03:55 · answer #1 · answered by J-Dub 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is cool to be friends with your ex if you are dating someone else but all parties have to be in agreement that it is okay no sneaking around behind the current bf/gf back . You have to know where to draw the line with the ex and let them know that you are in a relationship with someone so if they can't respect that then you should not be friends with the ex.
2007-01-08 06:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by badazz_51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never went with him in the first place. Now, you have some serious repairwork to do to keep your true love. Hopefully you learned from it.
And Girls, No, it is not ok to have guy friends to go hang with if your in a serious relationship. No matter what you think, we guys ARE gonna get mad, and to most, it does not matter if a girl's there and she is dating his BEST friend, he will still try to get some if he thinks he has the chance.
2007-01-08 06:16:12 · answer #3 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just STOP seeing your ex-boyfriend completely and do not write or call him. If you want to be with you boy-friend and really love him. Stop everything with your ex at once.
Also it would be helpful if you will give all information about your ex to your boy-friend, I mean his phone number, e-mail addresses, letters and stuff. It will make your boy friend feel that you really stop everything with your ex.
Do not play with it.
Men do not see it like women. They think that you want more attention and they are sure that all most all others men want sex from you. I know that you feel some guilt and pity for your ex and you probably just want to be kind to him and do not want him to think that you are cold and selfish...Well, I learned in my time that it's much better to tell him strait that you respect him and ask him back to respect your present relationship, which means good bye and God bless you!
Believe me, he will respect your decision.
2007-01-08 06:28:36 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can be friends with your ex...but not if they still want to have relationship with you! You need to concentrate on the love relationship you have now with your boyfriend and tell your ex that he needs to move on, too. Maybe after he moves on, you can slowly test the waters of friendship.
2007-01-08 06:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go out to the movies and drinks with a guy if you don't want him to be led on. You know better than that. I smell a "cake and eat it too". It's all good thought. Nice try.
2007-01-08 06:19:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're full of crap. Why would you go out on a date (and that's what it was) with your ex, when you have a boyfriend you claim to love? Are you starved for attention, or do you just enjoy playing games? Whether you had sex with your ex or not, your boyfriend needs to drop you. You're nothing but a tease.
2007-01-08 06:21:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can remain on civil terms with your ex, but don't go out on dates with him anymore!!!!
Tell your bf you are going to not create situations that look bad anymore. And then follow through.....
2007-01-08 06:14:46 · answer #8 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Certain things you can't prove.
It's his insecurity that's driving it, nothing you did was wrong. All you can do is act with integrity. Others will judge you through their own lenses.
You should be clear with your ex that this isn't something you are trying to encourage.
2007-01-08 06:14:22 · answer #9 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"...and that i was not going to risk my relationship for anything."
By going out with your ex your did risk your relationship just for a movie and some drinks.
I don't blame him for being upset. Just give it time...
2007-01-08 06:15:00 · answer #10 · answered by Sgt. Pepper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋