Sewn Together...
Our drunken bodies lie forever,
Our hands they are sewn together,
Im half awake and watch you sleep,
I have no need to count the sheep.
Too drunk to see the world around me
But all I need is right beside me.
So its alright to forget about the morning,
And all the things that tomorrow will need sorting.
Cause right now in this drunken light,
I am yours all the night.
2007-01-08 06:08:23 · 9 answers · asked by Lindsay T 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
It's nice. You should write it again from your partner's prospective. 7.75.
2007-01-08 06:23:58 · answer #1 · answered by Ralph 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
7
2007-01-08 06:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 1/2
2007-01-08 06:32:18 · answer #3 · answered by Wings*of*Light 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a lovely poem, but i feel that your many "references" to drunkeness take the nice romantic feel of the poem away from it.
That's just the way i see it though. It could also be that you used those references to make a specific point. If you have read it through and are completely happy with it, then that is fantastic. Remember, any questions you impose on a reader through the poem, don't require you to give them the answer. It is far better to let the reader figure out the answers themselves. And also remember; Poetry is not about sense, but feeling. ( If you're poem doesn't make sense to other people, it doesn't mean its not a good poem, because if you felt the words with your heart and know that they should be where you have put them, then that's all that matters. I onc wrote a poem and people criticised it saying it didn't make sense, but this other writer that i met said he deeply enjoyed the poem and told me that if i wanted to, i could change the poem to please the masses, but keep the original for me and him, because when it comes to writing, it's what you feel that is important. Writing isn't an expressive art for nothing... Good Luck with your writing! :-)
2007-01-08 06:19:40 · answer #4 · answered by Roberta 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For the phrase 'Our hands they are sewn together', only for that, a ten : )
2007-01-08 06:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd give it a 9/10...
Although i think it would have been much better if the last line was
"I am all yours tonight"
Just thinking though...not asking you to change it...
2007-01-08 06:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by ares_life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not bad I give it an 8
2007-01-08 06:17:01 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyesntx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
0 SORRY MY DEAR ITS RATHER TERRIBLE
2007-01-08 06:10:25 · answer #8 · answered by WISE OLD GRANNY 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok
2007-01-08 06:15:13 · answer #9 · answered by Colt A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋