My situation: I love my fiance more than anything in this world. We have been together for 6 years and she means the world to me. I truly know she loves me too and wants to be with me forever. HOWEVER. She cheated on me about a year ago and I just found out. It was in a drunken night and I know that she is in love with me still, I just don't know how to act. I am worried more about what others will think of us. We are the PERFECT couple and I want to make it work. If I can evenutally trust her again that she won't even talk to this guy again will we be okay?
I just don't know what to do in my situation. Do I forgive her, break up with her (our wedding is in about 6 months), move on, punish her, what? What would you do?
2007-01-08 05:52:16 · 19 answers · asked by little_big_house 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What if I WANT to marry her?
2007-01-08 05:55:06 · update #1
My bf was caught in a suspicious situation about a month and half ago. Even though I was mad and frustrated, my son was 3 mths then, I decided to give it another try. I love my now fiance a lot and will do almost anything to build a life with him.
Since then all the issues that have been pending are being done-
we got engaged
we are to view land for purchase this Saturday
plans to get married by the end of march are on the way
he started a new account for me
he has given me his credit card and debit card
he has reduced his liming to a bare minimum and a lot more.
The plain truth is that he is doing a lot to make up for what happened and to show me his love. I know that he may beunfaithfull in the future- face it- the possibility is there. But the way I see it, I am going to build my home and family with him. He is the one I love and makes me happy.
I asked myself the following question and I decided to stay with my fiance-
Does it make sense punishing him when it means I will also be punishing myself?
If I leave him and meet someone else, who can guarantee that person will not cheat on me?
Can I forgive him and truely move on or will I throw it back at him during every arguement?
Through it all, does he truely love me?
NO one can tell you what to do, we can sympathise and empatise with you, follow your heart.
2007-01-08 06:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by stacy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself sometime and some space to heal. No one is perfect and there is nothing wrong to step back and give you and your fiance time to work things out.
Do not be in a rush to move ahead with the wedding when your not positive about the relationship right now.
If you both love each other and are committed to one another then you will both be able to work things out. Marriage doesnt keep people together. Its the love, trust and communication that make it work but you need those things before you decide to make a life long decision.
Sit down and talk about how you can improve things, It maybe a good decision to see a counselor or talk with a pastor/clergy person before you make a commitment. Even though someone is drinking doesnt make it acceptable to cheat, or make it alright to hurt someone that you love. Look at the real reasons that she chose to go outside your relationship. Is there anything the two of you can do to make the relationship better. Is there things that the two of you can change in the relationship to make it better.
Also, look at ways you can start being able to trust each other again. Honesty is a good start. Good luck!
2007-01-08 06:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes times to build trust within a relationship. When that trust is betrayed by one partner, it takes time (and they have to WORK at it) earn back the trust of the other person. The trust that you once had isn't automatically restored just because you want it to be.
If this happened a year ago, why is it that you just found out about it? Have other lies been told concerning this incident? Does she often drink until she's drunk enough to have such poor judgment? She has been talking with this guy regularly since this happened? If so, why has she maintained contact with this guy since then? Will you be able to really trust that she has discontinued any contact with this guy?
You might want to put the wedding on hold for now, until you feel ready to make a decision concerning your future as a couple. Right now you have alot of questions, and until they are answered satisfactorily (or not), it's probably difficult to feel comfortable making a decision that permanently affects your future.
2007-01-08 06:26:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. Being cheated on is such a painful experience. Really, no one knows whether your fiance will cheat again or not. If you choose to stay with her, you are taking the chance that she will cheat again and what if it's after you get married? I know that right now, you probably just want to move on and be happy again, and get married anyway. But more than likely this will always be in the back of your mind. Good luck in whatever you chose to do.
2007-01-08 06:06:46 · answer #4 · answered by mikana876 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand when people that supposedly LOVE us, can hurt us in the worst way imaginable...by cheating. That is not love. I believe in second chances, but the saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater. It's up to you to decide if she deserves another chance. If she wants to continue being that guys friend, you better wake the hell up and move on. Being cheated on hurts like hell, and gaining that person's trust can be hard. I don't know how people do it, but some do. My mother cheated on my dad (after 20 years of marriage), and somehow they got back together and made it work...she even had a kid!!!!!!!!!!! so it is possible, but it's up to you if you even want to go through all that drama or be worrying about her cheating...in the back of your mind. Evaluate everything, and make your decision. Is that what you really want? Best of luck man...
2007-01-08 05:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by akerockstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Punishing" someone is never the way to go; as for whether or not you can trust her, only you can know that. If you want to work through it as a couple you probably can, however don't fool yourself, there is no such thing as a PERFECT couple; she cheated for a reason, not only because she was drunk... that's always the easy excuse, but there is always something else underlying that when someone cheats. You obviously want it to work & you seem to really believe she does to, so continue to work at the relationship (even after the wedding) & you should be fine.
Good Luck!
2007-01-08 05:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is she? Try to work through it, if you are both really that in-love. Your love for each other will show by this trial or test. She is a human being too. I know it hurts, I have gone through a similar situation. Tell her how you feel. If you are unsure, just imagine how you would feel if you let her go or something happened to her. Ask her how she would feel if that were the same for her. That should give both of you some insight on how you both really feel. Why don't the both of you right the pros and cons of loving each other and being with out.
2007-01-08 06:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by CARAMIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a crock of you realize what. He cheated simply by fact he chosen to. the place he places his willy has not something to do with everybody yet himself. he's blaming you for the cheating. You 2 would desire to separate. he's a cheater and you're insecure and jealous. it won't in any respect artwork. then you definately would desire to get some therapy and discover out why you're so insecure which you do not have confidence on your relationships and artwork on changing that formerly you ever seem at yet another guy back.
2016-10-30 08:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by andry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you try to forget this incident and eventually manage to forgive her, the past will ALWAYS come to haunt you. Sadly, you will never be able to trust her to the same extent again.
A very serious "make-or-break" chat is in order between both of you.
2007-01-08 09:40:58 · answer #9 · answered by Calculus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay the dead give away " I know she loves me". When a person loves someone they don't cheat. I'm a woman I know. You my dear should move on. She isn't the one for you. 6 yrs is along time to be with someone. and you are still not married and one has cheated. It's not meant to be.
2007-01-08 05:57:04 · answer #10 · answered by renosgirl2006 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋