Hubby problems???

Question

My husband and i got married when i was 21 and he was 23.He was an Australian here in the U.S.A as a pro-surfer i think he may have some sort of duel citzenship.Anyway i had just graduated from college and fell head over feet for but we seperated after a year.I shortly after found out i was pregnant with his son so i went and contacted him to inform him.He attended his sons birth and stuck around after for a little bit but we could not agree on anything so we split up.He moved back to Australia and i traveled to England for work and lived there for 6 months.I have traveled all over Europe for work with my son who is almost 7 now.His dad all of a sudden wrote to me stating that he wants visitation rights or co-custody of our son?He even claim he could have me arrested when i come back to the U.S for kidnapping?

Even worse we never filed for divorce?
I dont understand why after all this time he wants his son in his life?

I am currently living in Dublin, Ierland

coffee girl just click on the pencil

Answer 1

aww thats so sad....sorry you going through that.... itz strange because i am 21 and my lover is 23 and we getting married this year...but we don't have kids.
if you took the kid while he has full custody then there is a problem but another than that....i would not worry....

Answer 2

With DNA he is the father. I think he could call it kidnapping if you leave the country you reside in. He attended the birth and the little boy probably has his last name on the birth certificate. I guess if he is filing for joint custody or visitation rights you should present the problem in court so that a judge determines everything correctly and no one is left wondering. I don't know how your son is going to accept him if he hasn't been around for him. I would say get a lawyer and prepare to fight for your son. Maybe all he wants is to claim a son for benefits. See what his intentions are but make sure you find a good lawyer.

Answer 3

Sounds like he finally woke up and realized he should be in his sons life or someone has made him realize this. Either way he should have a right to see his child but he has to come to the understanding that it will have to be on your terms until a court order is issued. Unless he has been there visiting and providing support (financially or emotionally), he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
I would allow him to see his son (on your terms) to reintroduce him as his father but I wouldn't tolerate the threat of arrest or using your son as a pawn. Make things as easy and reasonable and put your sons best interest first. A boy needs a father but you are his mother and have provided for him for the last seven years, make sure the father sees this. If you try to meet your husband half way and he is willing to try things your way you'll look like a reasonable loving parent when or if a custody battle happens. Good luck.

Answer 4

Two arguments:

According to you, your hubby did nothing for the child for the last 7 years and did not fulfill his parental duties. He has no place in your life as well as your child’s life.

According to your hubby, even though you two are still married and he did turn up on “every opportunity he could”, you absconded with the child and never allowed him to fulfill his parental duties. You are lawfully married to him and he has the right of visitation / living together with his son and wife.

Since you were at least as careless as him, if not more, in failing to get divorce & child support for your son, documenting your efforts in contacting and seeking him as the parent of your child and as your husband etc, there is a good chance that you might not win in a court of law.

He might be able to prove that all his efforts to lead a normal family life with you and your son were in vain as you absconded and prevented this from happening.

My advice is to get the best legal support you can, if you want to win the case.

Better still; try to find out what he really wants. Ask him. If it’s something materialistic, settle it, then get a divorce and cease his parental rights under mutual agreement.

Answer 5

First of all it is not kidnapping ,you could easliy prove he was not around for most of the time,As far as custody the judge would decide that .From your stand point you could argue that he hasnt been around for x amount of yrs and that your son doesnt even know this stranger.I would get to upset a good judge will settle this the right way.Get in contact with a lawyer and go from there.Good Luck.

Answer 6

Get a lawyer. Can't imagine the kidnapping would stick if he left for Aussie-land, but why risk it. Co-custody is a little more interesting, because the kid is a U.S. citizen(?), the cost of travel, & the pass port needs. That one can get expensive quick. So, he might have to move back here to get the rights.

Once again not a lawyer. You should get one.

Answer 7

Don't take those threats seriously. I doubt highly you could be arrested for anything, considering he's had no contact with his son for 6 years or more. Stick to your guns, and contact a good attorney right away! He or she will sort out the international implications of your separation and custody. Unfortunately, he does have rights since he's the father, but it will take time to sort it all out legally and, he won't be able to just show up and expect instant custody. Good luck!

Answer 8

your son doesnt even know his father. that jerks threats have no substance. at the end of the day, you cant kidnap your own child if there was never a custody judgement. you have proof of continued support and parenting for his entire life, that idiot has none. he was a sperm donor, not a dad.
if he took him, you could file for kidnap, as he is a stranger. he has had a flash of conscience and thats about 6 yrs too late.

tell him that he has reaped what he has sowed. do not contact him after that. let him know that your son can contact him as an adult, and he can explain his indifference to his upbringing then.

Answer 9

You say you don't understand why he suddenly wants his son in his life like it's a bad thing. Doesn't your son deserve the chance to get to know his father?

It sounds like he might be overreacting to a percieved hostility. He may have intended to keep in touch with you and his son, and somehow time got away from him. Then he goes to get in touch with you, and you're not where he expected you to be. Somewhere it feels to him like you've run away and hidden. He finds you and wants to try to get to know his son (a perfectly reasonable request, I think) and somehow he hears what you're saying as a definate and difinitive "no way."

Tell him you don't want to get lawyers involved and that you want your son to have a chance to know his father. (You do, right?) Then tell him you need to work out a schedule, and then DO IT. (Right at that moment on the phone would be a good time.) If you don't, you will have lawyers get involved, and the only one who will win is the lawyers and the only one who will lose is your son.

Answer 10

if he has no proof he can't arrest you for kidnapping. if you have the proof that you've raised your son for seven years with no contact from his father, then he cant do anything. if i were you i would threaten him back and say okay well then lets go to court. if you don't want him to see your son then if you have a good lawyer and proof that his father isn't a good one then you can get sole custody.. if you want your son to visit his father then tell him okay we can work out something and you can have visitation rights to see him like every other weekend or whatever you guys can work out with the distance thing.

Answer 11

Obviously he's a controlling an manipulative self-centered anus!
I'd hire an attorney and fast, if money is an issue, contact the courts and ask about lawyer's willing to take on a case pro bono (for free)...they do exist and especially for women in your situation