Am I being selfish with wanting to keep my baby?

Question

I am 14 weeks pregnant by my boyfriend of 7 months. he is not happy about it and wants me to have a termination because he woudl rather have babies when we're settled. I live in a shared house, he with his mother ,our jobs are reasonblly well-paid but not brilliant, and we wanted to do some travelling together before we get a house and think about children. In a way I do want to keep my baby and said that I woudl be prepared to go it alone if I have to, but I feel awful as it's not what he wants. Am I being silly?

Answer 1

It's very thoughtful of you to consider how it will effect your boyfriend in the long run.
However, he did sleep with you knowing that pregnancy was a risk. He took that leap and now he's going to be a daddy.
You did the same and you're being very strong about it. I am happy for you that you feel love for your baby and want to keep it.
You're already a good mama for choosing to have this child.
He HAD a choice too. He could have been more careful. Now, it's out of his hands.
Just be glad it's a baby and not a disease. If it were HIV, there's no terminating THAT!!!
Perhaps the pregnancy just isn't that real to him at this time.
Sometimes men just don't get it until they see the ultrasound, hear the heartbeat, or feel the baby move. Some don't get it until they actually hold the little people.
Try to understand him, but don't give up this baby to a trash can just because he wants it that way.
((((((hugs)))))))) I'm VERY proud of you!!!!!

Answer 2

Its not at all silly. Babies don't always come when you want them. Going it alone isn't easy, I know this from experience. I have a 4 year old. He is the greatest thing I have and will ever accomplish. You really have to think about what you want and what is best for you. Would you be able to live with the knowledge that you terminated this child? What would happen if it turns out that this man is not the man that you think he is right now? There are so many questions you need to ask yourself. Be sure that you dont make a choice you might regret later because some guy wanted to wait until you were settled. I wish you the best in whatever you decide. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

There will never be the 'right' time for a lot of things in life - especially when it comes to having a baby - a committment for life. No matter how old or settled you are financially or emotionally, the same challenges await every parent in the world. It is not easy, but it is all for us humans, and we always manage - because we have to. Although it usually helps when the baby is planned and you are well settled into the routine of finance and are emotionally prepared for a child, it undoubtedly is all altered once the baby arrives - you will still need to stop working, or at least for a period of time until the baby is older, no matter whether you have a child now or later on in life. What I am trying to say, but I seem to be blabbing on is that no matter at what stage in your career etc, the 'baby time' will take a chunk from your career, social life etc. And it is up to you to decide when in your life you want this 'event' to occur. It seems nature picked the 'right' time for you now. Although I believe both parents need to have an input in making decisions, you are probably a step ahead as you are the one that will carry the baby, give birth and I assume predominantly care for it. You have the first say, and although your boyfriend is obviously stunned by the position he now finds himself in, he will now either have to grow up a bit and face reality, or will take the cowards way out. The decision is with you both, but ultimately it is your decision. I just hope that you have weighed up your options as I think it is only fair you have a child if you can also support it financially. Good luck in whatever you chose. Children are a blessing. And at 14 weeks, your baby is already well developed, so although I support the freedom of choice, a termination at this stage of pregnany would be somewhat immoral. Have a look in the medical books and you'll see how advanced the development of the baby is.

Answer 4

First off. Your boyfriends an *** for asking a thing like that. I just had my baby 2 months ago. Im only 20. how not ready was I? I cant beleive anyone could snatch the life out of their own body so heartlessly. I was unsure of how things would be but my fiance I LOVE our little girl and give her EVERYTHING! Being pregnant was the best time of my life. (even with the pains) :) Dont ask what you should do. Love your life and the life inside you. in three weeks your baby will be 6-7 inches long and he/she already has a fully formed placenta and weighs over and ounce and you should feel it kick any day now. Besides, I dont think anything else is an option at this point. Make the right choice. You have to live with yourself. just drop that looser guy. he should be happy with you.

Answer 5

Selfish is not the question here. There is love, some serious hormonal action, and some personal morality you have to consider.

He is certainly selfish asking you to terminate. I don't know how old you are, and that could be a factor, but, ahem, where was he when this child was being conceived?

I am radically pro-choice, NOT anti-abortion, and wouldn't presume to tell anyone what to do, but this your body and pressure to terminate a pregnancy because the timing interferes with some ideal time-line of the good life is immature, shallow and considerably less than loving.

Silly? Selfish? In no way, shape or form does this fall into such a definition. If you really want to keep this baby, and he has that serious a problem with it, then you do not want to spend your life with such a selfish twit. And that's only one of the nicer words I can use to describe his attitude.

Answer 6

You are NOT being silly, you have a little baby living and developing inside you. Ideally it would have been better to happen when you are both settled but babies have a habit of coming when you least expect them. If you get rid of your baby you will probably regret it for the rest of your life and if you abort him/her because you feel pressurised by your boyfriend you will most likely end up resenting him in the future. Some ladies have not been able to have children after an abortion.

It is very unpleasant having an abortion at 14 weeks. You would have to deliver him/her just like you were having the baby full term, so you would also have to go through all the painful contractions - only to give birth to a dead baby!

I know someone who had an abortion and she regrets it to this day. She has cried on my shoulder - 25 years after the event.

I wish you well and hope everything works out well for you all.

Answer 7

No, but you should take the time to discuss this with your significant other. He and you are both responsible for this child and need to be on a united front when dealing with kids.

If you have both talked about waiting for children, what happened to your plans? I would bet dollars to donuts that he's feeling as if he was played here. Men get into verbal contracts all the time and usually they honor them. When a man and woman get into a discussion, then make a decision and a plan, the man does indeed expect the woman to honor this plan, or contract. When that changes (and it often does) men feel duped at times. Be sensitive to his ideas on this, don't be mule-ish or stubborn. Try and get your boyfriend to buy into the parenthood deal, get him excited about it and get him on your side. I'd opt to keep the child, get married an modify my plans. Talk to your would be mother in law and see if she'll baby sit while you and your man see some far off places together.

If you do decide to not keep the baby, by all means opt for adoption. There will be dozens of really qualified couples out there that will give a baby a great home and upbringing. Abortion shouldn't be considered (my belief, your choice).

Answer 8

Yes it is terribly silly that a mother would actually want to raise the child she carries in her womb, the one that shares her DNA and lives inside her. Why on earth would she want to keep a living miracle. It's silly! I wish my mother would have had me terminated like disgusting vermin are. She should have done some more traveling and settled down, how dare I get in the way I mean after all it was my fault that I was born. It's not like my mother was enjoying sex when I was conceived.
My point is that anyone who would take the life of their unborn child because they want to travel, or for any other reason is selfish, not the person trying to preserve the childs life.

Answer 9

only got 10more weeks left to decide whether you're having a termination or not. after 24weeks it's considered murder...

ok i'm not helping.

you need to think about the quality of life the child will have. do you really think you and your boyfriend will still be together all through it's childhood? are you financially stable enough? please, put the child first.

there will always be time for children after you have settled down and are ready for them. at the moment i'd say you were'nt, mainly because you've asked complete strangers on the internet to help with an extremely personal decision.

if you have the baby, there is a high change your boyfriend will be annoyed with you for disregarding his wishes. i'd personally hate to see a baby being brought into the world in a situation where it's parents are arguing.

you're not being silly. but please consider all consequences. you may get what you want, but your child may suffer.

Answer 10

If you ask me he's the one being selfish! My boyfriend and i were living with my mom when i got pregnant, in a tiny apartment and i was even working at the time but we still pulled through and didn't even think twice about keeping our baby. That's no reason not to have the child! If he really was trying to protect you and not having a baby right now than he should have tried a little harder. I would be pissed if my man told me to have an abortion! I would do it on my own if he wasn't going to act like a big Azz baby. He needs to get his stuff together and realize things are just happening a little sooner than planned. Life will go on.