I am 14 weeks pregnant by my boyfriend of 7 months. he is not happy about it and wants me to have a termination because he woudl rather have babies when we're settled. I live in a shared house, he with his mother ,our jobs are reasonblly well-paid but not brilliant, and we wanted to do some travelling together before we get a house and think about children. In a way I do want to keep my baby and said that I woudl be prepared to go it alone if I have to, but I feel awful as it's not what he wants. Am I being silly?
2007-01-08 04:51:41 · 24 answers · asked by sarahpaul82 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No at all - wanting to keep the baby could not possibly be thought of as selfish - especially from the baby's point of view. You stick to your instinct or you may regret it later
2007-01-08 04:56:12 · answer #1 · answered by The Mad cyclist 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you have already made this decision and just want some back up from us. Your boyfriend does have a point - it is better to create a family when you are settled and secure and, at this time of your lives, it doesn't sound like you both are. This baby has come along a bit too early, hasn't it. But the fact is that you are pregnant now, and at a critical stage in making a choice. Your mind is already formulating how you are going to manage it alone so, in a way, you've decided. Your boyfriend is being much more pragmatic, and less emotional, about the decision. He is entitled to his opinion but I think this could be the thing that separates you both.
I can give you no advice. You have already decided what to do. Whether your boyfriend decides to support you or not is something that you need to agree between you. Good luck.
2007-01-08 05:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You are thinking about what you want for your baby. Sometimes people, (like me) have babys when the time isnt right but once its over you wouldnt change a thing. And you are being an adult he is being a child and very imature. He's not the one who has to do it, that is YOUR baby until it comes out. And even at 14 weeks it does look like a baby, this site shows a termination on ultra sound, you can see how the fetus reacts to the whole situation, skip to part 4, the other parts are the doctor exsplaining how the procedure is done. This is at 11 weeks.
http://www.silentscream.org/video1.htm
This video stopped me from doing the same thing I am now 29 weeks along and I love love love to feel my daughter kick. My boyfriend and me have had to move three times during the pregnancy and he only makes $16 an hour but it is SOO surprising how suportive our familys have been. His mom especialy she is soo happy that her son is having a baby.
2007-01-08 04:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by cuetee220 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sure he is probably freaked out because this was not the plan that he had for his life, but things change. Both of you should have been more careful, but what's done is done. You cannot change the past. I know you guys have only been together for 7 months, but to me this says a lot about him & your relationship. There is a good chance that your relationship will not last because of this, but if it does you will have resentment for him if you do have an abortion & it was not what you really wanted to do. You are not being selfish he is!! He is basically asking you to commit murder. He is being a bully!! He is hoping that by giving you an ultimatum you will side with him & if you do not then he will leave you. That is terrible to do to someone you love??? I know a couple of girls that have had an abortion & they live to regret it. If you do not think you can handle raising your baby then find a good & reputable adoption agency. There are so many other couple that are looking to adopt. You are obviously struggling with your decision. If you belong to a church then you should seek pastoral counceling. If not find someone that you can talk to that is not involved in the situation, so that you can get an outside opinion. Good luck & God Bless....remember life is a gift!!!
2007-01-08 05:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by steph3 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think its your choice and if you want to have the baby and are prepared to go it alone then go for it. I'm 27 weeks pregnant and me and my fella will have been together 1 year end of this month i was scared at first cuz we hadn't been together long and i wanted to be with a partner a few years before having kids and settling down my partner was the one who said everything would be OK and we would manage having a baby were i was thinking a termination would be for the best but after thinking about it i didn't think i could live with the termination and I'm glad i decided to go ahead with the pregnancy me and my bf are still very happy and cant wait till the birth. were as my friend she had a termination cuz she hadn't been with her fella that long and she thinks she made the right choice cuz she ain't with him anymore she is now in a good job and very happy with her new fella. so i think its each to their own you need to put alot of thought into it and only you can make the right decision for you and your baby. good luck Hun it ain't gonna be easy.
2007-01-11 05:57:24 · answer #5 · answered by kelly n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately not. Can I advise you do not go ahead with the termination, espically in these circumstances. I have been in a similar position and decided to listen to everyone else instead of listening to what i wanted. The emotions you feel afterwards are horrible. Abortion is a terrible and horrific experience. Please just take a look at the link I've added below.
If you want this baby you keep it girl and love it with all your heart when your bundle of joy arrives. If your man doesn't want anything to do with him / her then thats his problem not yours, there's so much help and support out there now for single parents and also the support of your family will take a weight off your mind. Your'll have plenty of time to travel the world and there's nothing stopping you sharing that experience with your daughter or son when he/she is old enough is there?!
Also I just wanted to say this works both ways, you feel awful for wanting the baby when he doesn't and he should feel bad for the opposite reason. Have a long discussion and at the end of he day if you cant decide between you both, do what you want as its your body, just as much your baby as his and it's you who will have to suffer the side effects of an abortion if you chose to have one for your other half.
Well... Good luck sweetie hope it all works out for you. x
2007-01-09 12:11:50 · answer #6 · answered by Emmie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not at all!! me and my boyfriend were together for only 6 weeks when i was caught with my baby, and yes i did think about getting rid of him, but im so glad i didn't. These things happen for a reason, you can still go travelling you may just have to put it off for a few yrs! me and my boyfriend are still together with our 7 1/2 month old and we are in the process of buying our first house. Its your body and you're going to feel more attached to the baby than your boyfriend as its growing inside you, your the one having the feelings of the sickness and baby moving etc. if you want to keep the baby then keep it, dont let these ppl who are against abortion put you off, at the end of the day if your not ready your not ready and it wouldnt be fair on the baby, to bring it into the world unwanted. plus if you did go it alone theres plenty of financial help out there, my job pays shocking and i get help paying for child minders etc, so dont worry about that!
good luck!! xx
2007-01-08 09:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by rascal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish at all. Sounds to me that your boyfriend is being the selfish one. If you have a good job and if you have love for the baby then thats not being selfish. I think that you should keep the baby because in the long run you may regret it. Who knows maybe your boyfriend will change his mind and you guys will live happily ever after. Don't make any crazy decisions right now talk about it with people first.
2007-01-08 05:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man I hate it when people come on here and preach (you know what I'm talking about).
It IS ultimately your decision what to do with the child. You certainly are NOT being silly for wanting to keep something you made out of love. People are seldom actually "ready" for a baby when one suddenly is on the way, but we adapt and go with it. My recommendation (and I know it's not original) is to have a serious talk with your bf and make him understand how important this is to you. It will CHANGE your life. It will not RUIN your life. And if he refuses to back down on the issue, then you will need to decide if you are ready to make sacrifices of your own to raise the child as a single mother.
I wish you the best of luck. Don't EVER let someone tell you you're being selfish for wanting to keep your child.
2007-01-08 05:29:36 · answer #9 · answered by desiderio 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No youre being sensible thinking about your options. You need to ask yourself that if you terminate this pregnancy will you feel guilty for the rest of your life? and will that guilt ruin your relationship anyway? I have nothing against terminations for the right reasons but dont get rid of your baby unless you are 100% sure its the right decision and one you can live with. Not having a baby because you wanted to travel isnt really a reason to abort and its you that will live with it for the rest of your life not your boyfriend. Sex always carries a risk so he cant say its something he would never have thought could happen. The best laid plans and all that, do whats right for YOU.
2007-01-08 05:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by British*Bird 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No you keep your baby. I was young when i had my first baby and not married. but I am so happy that I gave my daughter life ..and she is as beautiful as ever. Whether planned or unplanned that life that you are carrying is a blessing and your tiny little baby already has a heartbeat which you will be able to hear at your first prenatal visit. Start taking your prenatal vitamins right away. Go see your ob gyn .You just tell him you don't need him to have this baby and you are not going to kill your baby because the timing is not convientent for him.You can do it without him. Baby's are portable and travel well too we take our kids everywhere with us. You can still travel and do things. You are not selfish at all .You tell him to quit being so selfish. Give your baby a chance at life it's the best gift you will ever give him or her.
Good Luck and I will pray for you.
momof4
2007-01-08 05:03:06 · answer #11 · answered by mary3127 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋