He's not happy to be married?

Question

our relationship was fine until the day I found out that I was pregnant and we decided to get married. Since then things getting rougher esp. after my kid was born. Had a talk with him and he told me after 4 years married he realise that he's not happy with being married. I love my husband very much and I dont want him to leave. This is not the first time that he told me that he's unhappy. He's willing to give it a try but he said that it doesn't work. He still feels unhappy with being married.

My heart is breaking into pieces.. What should I do? I want him to be happy, but I can't see my self facing the world alone with my toddler. Please help me.. I'm scared...

Answer 1

Since both of you are willing to try to make your marriage work, seek marriage counseling.

Remind him that both of you accepted the responsibility of engaging in unprotected sex! Although you may have married for the wrong reasons, you CAN develop a strong marriage!

Answer 2

I hate to bring this happy-go-lucky party down, but I say prepare to live your life without him - i.e. prepare for the worst case scenario. Here's why: if you start planning, both mentally and financially to raise your child alone and things don't work out with you and your husband, then your ahead of the game. If things do work out, then it will give you the confidence to know in the future, you can make it by yourself. That's the best thing you can do for both you and your kid. Also, if he doesn't want to be in the marriage, was is it that he doesn't like or want? If you can't answer that, then you need to talk to him and find out. Does he feel trapped? Does he feel that he isn't getting it enough (as often the case for a lot of married men - the man doesn't adjust to being second fiddle to the kid.)? I would seek these answers and more and see whether or not you can help him with it. Whatever you do, I wouldn't stay married JUST because your scared of raising the kid yourself - that's not fair to ALL parties involved. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It is a scary thought but be strong. He is not happy and it looks like things haven't been able to change. Let him go. I'm sure you have friends and family to give you a helping hand. You are married so that means a divorce and the court will make him pay child support. He will probably get visitation rights which means he will take care of the baby too. If you feel angry at your baby for what is going on let someone know and let them help you with the baby. Babies aren't responsible for problems that come up. You won't be alone because your baby is now your best friend and looks up to you for protection. Your heart will heal in time. It is unfortunate that you have to go through this. Post a question again if you need help with your toddler. hope everything turns out for the best.

Answer 4

I know that this can be an extremely hard time for you . I was engaged to my sons father and we were planning on getting married . He found someone else and I was left to raising our son on my own. We live far apart from my X and he doesn't acknowledge our son at all. My son is also Special needs and so it has been really hard for us . I feel that is better for the child if they can be raised in a loving enviroment rather than one where there isn't harmony . I find it hard some days , but then I look at my sons smiling face and I know that I can do this . Your toddler will give hugs that will melt your heart and you will gain confidence that you can do this on your own . I stiil get scared some days but it is slowly getting better. Be brave , and know that you are a good Mom . Best of luck :):)

Answer 5

I dont think it has anything to do with the idea of being married. If it was fine until you found out you were pregnant.. then maybe he feels like he had to get married. and he is holding onto that. If he is willing to give it a try... then he needs to try all aspects of it.. and the important one is Couseling! He needs to figure out what is making him unhappy in the first place.. and until he can figure that out.. he will probably always hold onto whatever it is. If it was an unplanned pregnancy.. maybe he never wanted kids?
He needs to have a heart to heart with you and be open and honest about things. My heart goes out to you.. because I think this would be extremely hard :(

Answer 6

He's a big cry baby, no one can be happy all of the time, especially an adult with responsibilities. He has to grow up. Don't spend so much time trying to make him happy. He has already told you that he is not happy with you. Even if he disguises it with "being married". It's a problem he is going to have to solve, within himself. The only thing I can suggest, is, if you two haven't spent much alone time together since the baby was born, you need to find a way to do it.

Answer 7

What is it that he's not happy with? Has he ever been happy in this marriage? What is it that needs to be worked out so that both of you can be happy and in love?

You need to figure these questions out together before you make any kind of move. I know the two of you may feel obligated to stay together because of the child, but marriages unfortunately don't work that way. The two of you have to be able to live together as a loving couple before you can be loving parents.

So what is stopping this from happening? Why aren't you getting along? Where did the problem start? I'm sorry to ask you so many questions, but the two of you have got to figure this thing out, and quickly. Both of you need to want to make this thing work. One half of a couple can't save a marriage.

Answer 8

Hhmmm...I wonder if he was reluctant to get married in the first place. That may be why he is so unhappy now. Well, you can't do anything about how he responds to any situation, but you can do something about how you respond to it. Maybe he was not ready to be a father, but you were ready to be a mother. Don't force this decision on him or he will end up resenting you for the rest of your life. I say pick up the pieces, hang out with your friends, or make new ones. what happened to your own life and your own hobbies and your own sense of identity? if you lost it, then get it back. don't depend or wait for him to do anything for you. you do it yourself and get it yourself. if he is not happy and you are doing everything to make sure that he is happy then you need to re-evaluate this relationship. If he is not happy then you are not happy and it is not worth being or staying in a relationship if one or both of you are going to be unhappy.

Answer 9

when you find the answer let me know. I am going through the same thing. The difference is I gave up my life in the army for our family and now I am thousands of miles from home with no money or job. I love him and I want him to be happy so if it comes down to me leaving then I will. He says he love me but is not happy. We have a 8 mo old son and I am just lost. I dont know if the whole thing has really set in. I am sorry I dont have any words of wisdom for you, but it helps knowing I am not alone.

Answer 10

Honey, there is only one thing that will help in this situation and it involves a total lifestyle change for both of you.

Find a small bible doctrinal church in your area and start attending.

Start reading the bible, a bit at a time, does not matter where you start reading, just read it. New testament books may be better for you to start at. Versions that are good, King James, New King James, and New International version (NIV). NIV is written in more modern language than the other two.

It will take time and a lot of work, but what you are missing in your marriage is God. If you do this, you will benefit from it very much.