My husband needs time apart, what do I do?

Question

My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and he was 16. He told me he was in love with me the first day we met. It was overwhelming but nice. I graduated, worked, we bought an apartment together. Had a baby cuz he said it would bring us closer together. Bought a house and had another baby. We have been fighting on and off for years. He has left before. Since Christmas we have been getting along so well, it's crazy. We have a lil arguement. We go out for the day, the two of us, and on the way home says, y r we doing this? R u really happy? And yes i am, we fight, but who dosen't? Lil arguements turn into major fights. He has a bad temper and a short fuse. He says he loves me, he just needs time to figure things out. He thinks what we have is too much for him (too much responsibilty). I find it so unfair. What do i do? I changed for him so much and i get nothing in return. I tell him i'll do anything to make him happy. He says its not me, its him. What do i do? Please Help!!

Answer 1

Give him the "time apart" and don't worry too much about it! Why are you sitting around letting HIM decide what you're going to do with your life?

Try and get to the bottom of what his motives REALLY are. And good luck.

Answer 2

You can't change him. If he needs time whether it is code for I want out or I need space then it means he needs time. Think about if you want to be with someone that is so pessimistic and selfish. Everyone wants a break from life but we have to keep going. I am sure that their are days where you want a break from being Mrs. Everything. The one that keeps the house, the kids, and trys to keep the marriage together - but you keep going. He is running away....let him go figure out what he needs to and cross what ever bridge that comes up when you get to it. If the marriage is over then deal with it then do not borrow trouble now.
Focus on your self now, how can you be a better person? How can you be happier? And let him have space to figure him self out, don't assume the worst. His head could be clouded by feeling like he isn't good enough or low self essteem. Don't pick fights, treasure the time you have. Don't point fingers and don't rack your brain over this - you can't change what will happen.
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Answer 3

Saying "It's me" is a cop out. He says that so he doesn't have the pressure of explaining why he feels like this is so much harder on him than you. He doesn't know what to say, so this is what pops out of his mouth. He knows his real excuses are lame. Getting away because the responsibilities are too much is immature. They are your responsibilities too, and if he leaves they will ALL be yours. He is selfish and you should stop trying to change so much to make him happy. It obviously isn't doing anything but causing you to lose your identity. If this is the way he is going to treat you the rest of your life, he will be doing you a favor by leaving you. There is nothing you can do to please such a selfish person, no matter how hard you try.

You should probably get an attorney. If he feels like being married and having children is stressful, wait until the court system works him over. He will get a whole new understanding.

Answer 4

Well......the best thing you can do is to GIVE HIM TIME APART just like he asked. Don't push him too much, it might confuse him even more. He might just need a break since you been fighting & he's been stressing over it, worried at the same time about his family. You should just be supportive, let him have his space, but ask him what kind of space he wants? make sure he is not going to see other women while he is so called "needing time apart". If he's a really good man & things are meant to be. I don't think he will leave you & the 2 beautiful children he's made with you. While he's taking that time apart, you should do the same. Think about how you both can improve on your marriage & avoid fighting by good communication.


GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Sounds like your husband isn't ready for the responsibility. That's sad because his immaturity is going to affect a lot of people.
There's not a lot that you can do. You said you've changed for him and get nothing in return. Until he's ready to contribute to the relationship, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle. He's going to need the space, either to figure out what he's missing or find what he wants. Do you want to keep a man who doesn't want to be there? He'll just make your family's lives miserable. If he does leave, make sure you get a good attorney. His immaturity and lack of sense of responsibility could cause some serious problems down the road. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, the problem was when he told you to have a baby to byring both of you closer is a problem right there. How do I know, I have been there. Trust me, I don't regret it a bit but I love my daughter very much, she is my life and I am sure your children are to yours. Here is the naked truth, I think both of you got married or had a baby too early (I am guessing). Now, he feels he is missed out on his young life and he wants it back. He is living in the past, he needs to cherish what he has and forget the pass. I had a friend who lives in the past and he will never move on. My suggestion is to give him a little space but both of you need to seek marriage counsellor. Your children are involved and he is a father. He is not single anymore. Yes, it is alot of responsibility but he should love it, not everybody has what he got. In reality, he might not want it anuymore because our stupid media plays so many beautiful women, freedom, have fun, drinking, sex and never show about family responsibility. Blame the media. I feel for you but don't do anymore for him, you have done too much already. Keep something for yourself, that was my lesson. Give and take it's the way to go in a relationship. Good luck!

Answer 7

This is what happened with my ex but we never got far enough to have children or live together. What happened is that my ex was scared of having to stay with me forever without experimenting or going out with other girls. He straight out told me that I would be perfect to be with forever if he would have all his curiosities met. We were high school sweethearts and went out for a little over 2 years. He was captivated by a skimpy clothes wearing girl and went on his way. He is just now starting to say that he is almost ready to settle down and it has been about 12 years now. Not that he'd want me back with my kids now but that is what happened. I don't think he was really ready at 16. You have to give him space but realize he is not happy and might cheat. He is trying to tell you by asking you, "why are we doing this? are you really happy" He isn't happy and doesn't know how to back out now that he has so many commitments. I'm sorry you are going to have so many problems with this. He needs space and that will be painful but if I would have waited for my ex he says he would have come back to me. I didn't wait for him. good luck :(

Answer 8

I dont mean to sound harsh, but you need to take charge of you.
You have to be happy with who you are.
You have to make your own decisions.
You seem to be too much of a giver and want to please please please this guy.
He sees you as a pushover and is walking all over you, and you are letting it happen.

Surprise him by calmly telling him that you have thought things over and you think you both need time apart.
This will probably be one of the most difficulty choices you have had to make, but you have to have some backbone and let him know you can handle anything he has to dish out.
You dont seem to have much self-esteem, and you need to get it back.
You can be more independent and free yourself from his controlling grips.
You need to search your soul during this separation and make sure he is the one you want.

Dont sell yourself short, you can do this.
During the time you are separated, do not contact him unless it is absolutely necessary.

If he calls, dont show your emotions, make it short and say you are in a hurry, and on your way out.

I think it is time that he does some changing and you set some guidelines.
Put the ball back in your court, at least give it your best shot.

Answer 9

He is looking for an "out" of the marriage, the responsibly, and untimately, you. Guys always say"its not you , its me", that is the oldest breakup line in the world.. You have been together since you were kids, and as people mature, the grow, sometimes in opposite directions. Take the time apart, to figure out who you are and what you want. Don't change for anybody, find yourself.

Answer 10

I know its not easy but you got to allow him and trust that everything is going to be ok. he probably just need some space to recharge and reflect. when that happen he can then choose and think rationally. meanwhile you must also calm down and take this opportunity to also do the same.

i know you must have alot of what if's try to stay positive. this is also a way to resolve whtever is not going right for you both.
have faith that whatever happen is for the best. if you try to force things you both will be hurting.

i am so sorry and I know you are going thru tough times. take care and stay strong.