NEED YOUR ADVICE!!! Me and soon 2 B exhusband spent his b-day 2gether, and made sex tape. Do I give him a copy

Question

Our court date is in May, and we have been pseudo-trying to see if it will work out between us. Some days it seems possible. Some days I see EXACTLY why I filed for divorce and wanted out.

Anyway, last Saturday was his birthday, and he asked if we could spend it together. I did all the little things that he's always wanted me to do......plus some extra things to put a smile on his face. We
rented a jacuzzi suite, and I wore a special little 'costume' that he had told me that he would like to see me in.

Well, on our way out to dinner, we stopped by the drug store and bought a disposable camcorder. After dinner we went back to the suite, and used all the time alotted on the camcorder making a 'special movie' of our intimate times.

Later the next day after he went home (I kept the disposable cam) I got mad at him again, because he does things that really bug and piss me off. We did have good communication. But I'm still mad. He wants to get the cam developed into the dvd......

and I am wondering if I should give him a copy or not.

He would not be one to show it around or try to sell it or anything, as he is VERY jealous. But since I'm mad, and I am not really sure we will even REMAIN married....should I give him a copy of it???

What do you think?

Answer 1

Amazing how many angry, scornful, and misguided people one finds on the net.

Of course you should give him a copy of the tape! Wasn't that why you stopped to pick it up in the first place?

And hadn't you planned this whole thing as a present?

What are you - some sort of indian giver?

No wonder you are getting divorced - if you behaved this way the entire time you were married, I personally would have given you grounds to file myself, if it were me you were married to.

Ever thought to look within yourself?

Maybe the things you are considering right now, are part of the reason for his doing the things that anger you - you have first done something that made him less than enthusiastic!

Man - people are SO quick to blame "the other person" - completely disregarding one of the fundamental rules of the universe: There is no action, without an equal and opposite re-action.

Perhaps you are witness only to the "re-action" to an action that came before, either from you, or from someone else he interacts with - perhaps his boss? A go-worker that puts him down?

You "had good communications" over the weekend - why not build on it - get together one evening, to give him the copy of the tape - and sit down with a bottle of wine, and talk - ASK him - SINCERELY - not in an accusatory way - but in such a way that HE KNOWS that you are ready to take your fair share of the blame for his re-actions - NOT MORE than your fare share - but the whole share that rightfully belongs to you - if he is willing to talk.

Then, you can teach him that his re-action to whatever he reacts to can manifest in different ways - and it is BY CHOICE that he behaves the way he does.

Talk to him about possible other - more healthy ways to react - and if the reactions ARE to you - have him help you with what you can do to change whatever he is reaction to...

COMMUNICATE! It seems you do that so well sexually - why not intellectually and emotionally as well? Buy the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman - insist that he reads it - AND YOU READ IT TOO!!! If you don't both - it's meaningless.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

First off, filing for divorce then spending time with him & especially making that video does not make any sense between the both of you. Before you both put yourselves through this whole mess, why don't you talk about what it is that makes you a solid couple? Arguing is not the answer to divorce. Sometimes, our significant other will piss us off & do things to make us mad, but the consequences should not be grounds for divorce. Marriage is not just about love, but also includes accepting one another's flaws & imperfections. Understanding & WORKING THINGS OUT together when times get rough, you both need to try harder at making things work. Just because you fight does not mean the marriage falls apart. You've just exhausted the possibilities of making it. The way you describe how you both spend time together sounds great! why ruin things over an argument? no matter what it was about. You both have to learn how to get along! You say you "use to have good communication". If it was there in the beginning, I'm very sure that it is still there now. You will have to work hard & surfacing all the good things that come out of your marriage. If you really wanted to divorce him, I don't think you would have spent time with him on his birthday or yet make that video with him. I believe everything may just all be out of anger & disappointment. Don't waste your time on something like divorce that you may in the long run regret & wish you can undo. Don't give up!


GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

I don't know why you would. I mean, you said you were thinking about winning him back, so are you thinking that this tape might help you do it?

If the two of you are still living together and seriously trying to work it out, then maybe you could watch it together and see what happens. However, since a court date has been set, it seems like its time to make up your mind.

I don't think a sex tape is going to fix a broken marriage, but if you've made up your mind to win him back, I think you should start with regaining each other's trust, respect and communication rather than by engaging in a moment's distraction by re-enacting the past with a sex tape.

Think about the future, not the past. Does your future include him or doesn't it?

Answer 5

I would burn the tape and be done with it. Your marriage is failing, and it doesn't sound as if sex was the problem, so why keep the tape as you don't need the memories. If you are going to get divorced, you never know how he and his lawyer could use it against you. Perhaps I watch too much Law & Order, but if it were me, I'd burn it and not give him a copy or keep a copy for myself.

Answer 6

It seems to me hat you really don't need any advice! As sloppy as you have handled yourself so far, I see no problem with giving him a copy of the tape. Hell, he would never show it or put it on the Internet! I can see that immaturity played a major role in your divorce! Keep up the good work!

Answer 7

Oh my! You are putting yourself up for some risk with this rollar coaster relationship! Get out of it for good and destroy the tape! You dont want to black mail him because that would make you the evil one and you surely dont want him to blackmail you with it! Dont make any copies either! Why would you want a tape of your Ex anyway? Sounds like the relationship revolves around sex and not so much other healthy things in life. Does he respect you? Do you respect him? Can you both get along without sex? Why dont put a hold on sex first to see how compatible you are without it and if its based on sex, run like hell! If he is jealous then you are probably hot and he feels insecure. Either you need to dress and act like an old ugly lady by covering up so he isnt worried about you, or you need to flaunt your assets to someone who will feel more comfortable with them. Get rid of that tape before it gets lost because if it gets lost, you will surely go insane wondering what hands it are in. TRUST ME, we had our video camera robbed from within our home and it feels sooo ultimately violating even without naked video!!

Answer 8

It sounds like the two of you still love each other very much. Every couple have their down falls. The hardest part of marriage is getting through the troubled times. Putting each other in the other ones shoes. But, in answer to your question, why not give him a copy. It will remind him of what he lost.

Answer 9

I think you should burn it together on the day your divorce is final. Those are not the kind of thing you want lying around and having them around is just asking to have someone else watch you have sex. I say that if you go thru with the divorce then you burn it on the day you say good-bye and if you stay together burn it together anyway......let's face it, it was a lot more fun to make than it is going to be to watch anyways........knowing someone could see you and you are putting on a show always creates that tenseness and adds fun but watching it I mean come one who wants to see themselves doing it anyways?

Answer 10

Well you answer your own question. After the divorce, who says he will not show it at some party to show what a b itch you were and what a stud he was. Jealousy can turn to get even with that b itch too. Don't give him a copy. Matter of fact just destroy it.