What oh what can we do!!?

Question

My boyfriend and I are madly in love and have been for three years, however i'm 21 ans he 22.
During a chat the other day he said he does want children "one day" about ten years from now but I can wait that long i want to start settling down within 4 years!!
I dont want to force him into anything in which he is not ready for nor does he want to hold me back from the family I've wanted for a while now!
I want to wait about 4 years as I want to have a house in myown name before bringing a child into the world!i want he or she to have a stable envirnment both for a home and emotionally in every way possible!

Does anybody have and serious advice guys and girls please help me!!
We dont wanna give up what we have but both want the other person to be happy.

Answer 1

That's a hard one. Why do you need a child so quickly? I understand both of you would like a stable environment, and you're already smart/mature enough for realizing that. You're both still young, and maybe he just wants to enjoy life with YOU for just a little longer without kids. Because once you have children, that's a life changing experience. That's the only reason i can think of for him to wait, the other would be that he wants to be financially stable. If he treats you right and loves you unconditionally, don't just leave the guy like that. You may be letting "the one" slip away...

Best of luck with your decision :)

Answer 2

I had a friend who married a doctor when she was 25. He told her he wanted to wait 5 years before their first child. She wanted to get a hook in him so badly, she screwed around with her birth control and got pregnant after a year. Well, he was all over the birth control, so it didn't take long for him to figure it out. He left while she was still pregnant. She was so angry, they fought every time he came to pick the child up. Eventually, it dwindled down to a couple of times a year. Not a great situation for the child. She did get her child support though

Why does having a home in your name have anything to do with when or why you have a baby. Plenty of excellent parents have raised intelligent, productive, and successful children without owning the home the child was raised in. It makes you sound like you have an agenda, or that you're too immature to understand the true meaning of parenthood.

Having a degree doesn't ensure job security. In four years the most you could expect is a masters degree. You work someplace 6 months, then take maternity leave, and ask for days off because the sitter or your baby is sick, and you're on the 'first to fire' list. Not a good thing to happen when you're got an infant at home, a mortgage, and maybe a divorce.

You should also be thinking about spending some time after you graduate just enjoying your independence. That's the best time to travel, see the world, and figure out who you really are.

If you really love him, try to see the good in what he's doing. He wants to build a family in a stable relationship. He also wants to be a good parent and provider. Certainly seems to be worth some compromise on your part. He may be saying 10 years now, but if your relationship works out well, he'd probably compromise too.

P.S. You are no where near infertile when you're in your 30s.

Answer 3

well it seems like you both have a good relationship because you are both communicating on what you want out of life.
either you can compromise or leave the relationship. those are your only options. but before you decide, you said that you want to wait up to 4 years, so that you can become stable. but what happens if your still not stable them? what about getting married. i know you want to start a family, but i think your boyfriend is right to want to wait that long. you haven't mentioned a career plan? your boyfriends goal of waiting for 10 years seems more realistic. if you start a family in 4 years, when will you have time to get married, and have married time? i think a lot of people don't understand how having children can affect a marriage, especially if the marriage occurrs right before the children come. i think it smart and best to first settle down and get married, work on providing a loving, stable marriage between you and your boyfriend and then think about children. even though you have been a couple for 3 years, that is not the same as being married for 3 years. trust me any married couple will tell you the same thing. good luck, and wait a little, i think.

Answer 4

personally i think that by the age of 25/26 you are old enough to make the right decisions, but are still a bit young to have kids, however, many couples- especially since fertility rates are declining, are finding harder to concieve children and so would say that trying for a family in the 4/5 years would be a good idea as you may have trouble concieving. i dont really know what else to suggest, and i know this hasnt entirely help, however, i think that leaving it 10 years may be a bit late, so try to comprimise with each other. i hope it all works out ok for you.

Answer 5

Both of U may have your vision to get things done, however, nothing could tell for sure. Things might change. Nobody can predict. Anyway, for now just keep going, a day will come when both of U will consider seriously when to set up your own family. A gentle reminder for both of U, don't drag too long, otherwise, your children will be still young when U retire.

Answer 6

There are four very important factors to look into when you decide to get married. One of them is definitely the amount of children and when you want to have them. Both of your positions are valid but you need to sit down and figure out the best alternative considering the time you think it will take both of you to be economically, emotionally and physically ready to support and nurture a family. I am sure you will both reach an agreement and have a very happy life together.

Answer 7

i Kinda have a similar problem...my bf.. of 3 years wants to settle down and begin a family but i feel im not ready yet.. but i will be within then next 3 or 4 years.. well i thought it would be over between us when we got on this dicussion cuz everytime one of said something the other disagreed.. but then the other day i was thinking to myself.. everything happens for a reason and if a child comes before then oh well.. everything works its self out.. not every body is ready to have a baby when the times comes but its something that is natural,,,,

Answer 8

You really have your head screwed on, Waiting till you are financially responsible is great. Wait and see what happens, my boyfriend at the time said he didn't want children full stop, we have now been together 7 years and have TWO wonderfull children, plans always change, also if you wait 5 years that's a compromise don,t you think.

Answer 9

Talk to him about it more, I say wait it out. Thats the right thing. You dont wanna bring a kid into the world and be like damn I should have waited right? I agree with him AND you, if you cant wait any longer, then mabye you should tell him that your ready and if he isnt you might leave. Cuz thats the only way really. Mabye hes just scared. Ask him more about it, most men are scared to be a daddy, mabye you guys should volunteer to babysit for friends and then he might see that he loves kids!

Answer 10

Well your right about not forcing him- it will not work if you force him and he may resent you for it. If he loves you like you say he does he will want you to be happy and maybe you both could compromise.

Try to find an answer you both can live with. If he absolutely will not budge maybe he's not the guy for you. I know that is harsh but if you have different dreams your relationship will not work.