This is a long question. What do you call this behavior, and how would you handle it?

Question

I met this guy 3 months ago, & we decided to be friends with benefits, but what actually ended up happening was our friends with benefits turned into casual encounters. I am ok with this, and he is the only person I am sleeping with so no I am not a hoe I am just not in a relationship with him. I tried to be nice by inviting him to my house when we hang out because I did not want him to think that I was out to use him or that he had to put me up in a fancy hotel all the time. Now he does things like IM me on holidays, & sends me IM's on Sundays to ask me how my weekend was, and I am trying to figure out why. I have a real mans approach to "fwb" so I don't require anything. I don't need dinner or a movie, and you don't have to spend money on me. I feel we are two squirrels trying to get a nut. We don't really know anything about each other because there has never been a reason to find out, and again yes I am ok with this. He lives out of town, & he usually just calls to tell me when he

he has made it in. Now he tells me his plans of coming in. He tells me what he is doing at the moment like watching the game, & now when he comes over I have to tell him it’d ok to get comfortable when earlier he just did. I am in love with my ex, & we are still trying to see where things are going to go so it’s not that I am cold hearted and incapable of feeling for someone I am having sex with it’s just I see him as someone to have sex with until me and my ex gets back together. I have not shared this with the guy because we only meet up for casual encounters any way. What I am saying is, is this guy feeling something for me or does he just want a friendship so we can actually be friends with benefits instead of casual encounter or do he want something more. I think he just wants to know he has ***’ to come back to when he is in town, but my gf said she thinks for him it’s more than that. She said it became more than that for him when I invited him to my house instead

of casual encounter or do he want something more. I think he just wants to know he has ***’ to come back to when he is in town, but my gf said she thinks for him it’s more than that. She said it became more than that for him when I invited him to my house instead of continuing to make him pay for a room.

Answer 1

Yea that was a long question. I think that if he his trying to have normal conversation with you then maybe he is trying to actually be friends with benifits instead of just f***ing partners. Try being his friend even though you are still in love with your ex. It wont hurt anything and it mightnot feel so akward anymore if you actually have a conversation with the guy because it seems as if he is trying to be friends. But if you are really trying to work stuff out with youre ex then maybe you shouldnt be messing with this guy anyway if you are really in love with him. But if you and your ex arent really that serious again yet, I say at least try to be the guys friend.

Answer 2

WOW that IS a long question! if he hasn't started asking you to go out with him, or started making comments to you about wanting something more, I would say that he is just feeling more comfortable with you and you are becoming a friend. You are bound to develop some kind of closeness when you are sharing something as intimate as sex. It sounds like that isn't something you share with anyone else right now, and he may not share it with many people either.

I would say that if you are thinking he is getting a little to attached, you just need to tell him that you want to make sure that he is still thinking of this as a "fwb" relationship. tell him that you enjoy things the way they are and you don't want to put an end to it, but that you can't afford a regular relationship and you just want to make sure the two of you are on the same page. This is mostly to just make sure he knows where you stand and it will also help keep his emotions in check before he gets attached, if that is what is happening with him.

Also, I think you should be upfront with him about the ex thing. Whether you are wanting a relationship with this guy or not, he deserves to know the entire situation so that he knows exactly what he is doing. This will also help him keep his emotions in check, if he knows he is just the sex.

Answer 3

Im not sure I understand your question fully but I assume you are worried that he may be feeling something or wanting something more then you do at this time..and if thats the case then why dont you talk to him when you see him again...ask him if hes feeling something more and make it clear that your not ready for something serious...As long as your consistent and truthful from the begining then he wont be feeling led on he will know that fwb is all that you want...you just need to keep a clear line of communication with him so he knows exactly where you are coming from.

Answer 4

I really don't know what the question is But if you aint into this friendship heavy like I think he is then you need to tell him things are going wrong and this aint what you expected or wanted. You have to be honest with him and your self. And by the way how can you work things out with your ex if you are sleeping around with another. If you want your ex back then you need to stop and just wait for the ex Not have sleeping buddies. You and your ex will just have another problem to work out.

Answer 5

If he's trying to get to know you, and he knows nothing about your ex and you trying to work things out, he's probably wanting to be more than just sex partners, meaning at least friendship, which maybe he thinks will lead to something deeper between you. If he knows about your ex and he's doing these things, he could either be competing for your love or trying to make sure you're still going to be there when he wants some.

Answer 6

u should ask him what he thinks of ur relationship and if he thinks its casual encounters or more and what he expects it to be cuz its not fair to him if he thinks u and him are having a relationship which exceeds casual encounters and then u go dump him for ur ex. honey u have to tell him that u r only having sex with him till u and ur ex get back together and if u dont u seriously will be cold hearted not only for breaking his heart but for using him too.

Answer 7

I don't understand the actual question, but it sounds like what started as a casual encounter is turning into more for him. To continue to kill time with him while waiting to get back with your ex is using him and you should stop.

Answer 8

real easy
but you will not being willing to do it coz you are asking what do do but really you just want ...well i don't know what you want ...but it seems you are looking for some alternative to being straight up and honest and risking something..........

the thing to do is this - exactly this ......

cut and paste your question and e-mail it to him. It is clear honest and makes sense and tells me who you are - sending him that note will clear everything up pronto!!! .

Anything less then that is pure chickenshittism and you are just trying not to lose your fwb - your f u c k when he is in town

if you take this advice i would be very impressed man!! are you willing to do that? will you e-mail me whether or not you are?

Answer 9

I call it puyre sorriness and I tell you why. First off, if you want to have the sexual ecnounter and he pays for the room okay, but you must lay it on the line.

You took advantage of a good thing, but now you also tell about ytour ex.\

Now if you told him about ytour ex early that's good, but still if you laid down more than twice you are taking advanatge of a good thing when all along you were still thinking about your ex....you know what we call that here???? A Slu*****

Answer 10

You need to stop sleeping with him if you are trying to get back with your ex. You should control your sexual urges and really commit to reconciling with your ex. Even though it's just a physical thing with this other guy, sex can stir up feelings in anyone. Continuing to sleep with this guy isn't fair to anyone, including yourself.