My wife and I got married last year and 5 months after our honeymoon we learnt that she was pregnant and now we have a healthy baby boy. Cool, everything was alright, it's been 4 months now since she gave birth so I am really expecting that we can go back to our 'business' but the problem is she won't let me near her even if I offer protection. She uses birth control but she's still worried that she might get pregnant again. I am getting frustrated now. I also offered her that we go to a doctor but she took it as an offense. I also mentioned this to my family but all they can give us is moral support. I really don't think that this is post-natal depression because she seems alright.
But
And in addition, when she found out she was pregnant with our first child, she kinda freaked out and almost fainted. She actually cried telling me she was scared and all.
I love my wife, but I tried my best and everything for things to work out but nothing seems to work.
Can you give some advice?
2007-01-08 02:48:41 · 18 answers · asked by hotmate_chrisali 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She needs professional help and lots of support from you. Just because she SEEMS okay doesn't mean that she is. Take her to a counselor and make sure she knows that you unconditionally love her.
2007-01-08 02:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to your wife about this? Have you asked her why, she does not want to get close to you? Try finding out what's wrong-so that the two of you can work on a solution.
She may be very overwhelmed being a New Mom at this point, and getting physical may be the last thing on her mind. You can still get close to her in many different ways to break the ice... Try helping her out with the baby, be "the emotional supporting person". Take the baby for a while she tries to get some sleep or pamper herself.
Or make a romantic dinner, send flowers, write a love letter (sounds kinda old school), but what do you have to loose?, Grab her and kiss her for no reason, Fill the bathtub with water, toss in some rose petals add some candles.
The key thing is to be patient with her.... Good luck!
2007-01-08 11:22:20 · answer #2 · answered by lazykat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a guy, I know this is hard, but be patient. Things will improve eventually, but I really think your wife is suffering from some form of the "baby blues." This can lead to some serious body-image issues that will cause your wife to shy away from sex because she doesn't feel good about her body.
Imagine if you had gained 15-25 pounds, were retaining water and were covered in stretchmarks while suffering from violent mood swings? You wouldn't feel like getting down with your wife either, would you?
I'd suggest to you that you and your wife need to work on cultivating other forms of intimacy before you can get back down to business the way you used to. Be a good father to your babies. Hang out in the room while she's breast-feeding so that you can get in on that bonding experience. Hold your new baby. Women love that.
When it's just the two of you, share how you feel and do lots and lots of cuddling. Physical contact that isn't sexual will go a long way toward re-establishing that connection between you. Give her backrubs and footrubs, brush her hair or wash her back when she's in the tub. Bring home special treats just for her, like a bottle of wine or some flowers.
Avoid offering "ultimatums," such as, "If we don't have sex soon, I'm going to..." It doesn't work that way.
Tell her you're feeling frustrated, but be careful how you put it. Offer positive solutions, such as things you can do to help get in the mood. Do this only after you've re-established a physical connection as I mentioned earlier.
Pregnancy can really throw a good sex life for a loop, but the good news is there's plenty of things you can do to get back in the saddle. Go get her!
2007-01-08 11:01:10 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have at hand a much more emotional or even psychiatric problem than anything else. I assume that your wife is young and her fear of motherhood is evident. She may believe that child birthing will cause her to lose her girlie figure or any other thought conceived on untrue basis. I would check her fear of pregnancy by offering all different type of love intimacy without penetration. You must be very careful. It is not a post-natal depression. I would use no pressure on her for sex(for now, disregard your need) and I would give a lot of caring and support until I gain her confidence to give herself to me again. Good luck !
2007-01-08 11:13:52 · answer #4 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the "scared about getting pregnant" thing is just a cover up. how does she feel about herself? is she embarassed about left over baby weight? perhaps she is not too comfortable about how you feel about her changes since the baby? I would try helping her out around the house with the baby and housework and all. by helping her relax and taking some of the pressure off, she might feel more like a woman and less like a mom. Bring home stuff to make her a dinner, with no help from her. take the baby while she takes a bubblebath. don't expect anything right away. try to be intune with what she needs on all sides, not just the sex.
2007-01-12 04:15:28 · answer #5 · answered by abby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural for a woman express concern when finding out they are pregnant unexpectatly. The reason that she may not be interested in sex at this point is her self confidence and fear of getting pregnant again. Did she gain weight or anything? My suggestion is to get a babysitter, take her out for a nice romantic dinner (including flowers), at dinner tell her how much you love her and thank her for your beautiful baby. Try to lead the conversation into sexual comments but play nice and make it romantic. Then when you two get home continue the romance with candles and soft music. This worked for me when I was going thru it. Hope it helps......
2007-01-08 10:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by sweetpea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your wife is overwhelmed at having a baby so quickly into your marriage. She is afraid of this happening again and I suggest you both see a marriage counselor. Try your best to continue being patient and understanding. Don't force the issue but also keep talking about it with her. In time she will come around.
2007-01-08 10:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
*do you help?
*late night feedings?
*diaper changes?
*supportative domestic chores?
or is everything in her laps?
***Im a proud dad of four lovely(now)grown up kids and a beautiful grson and was there every step of the challenges each and every child produced.
Sounds a bit like she may be overwhelmed with the new responsibilities and fearfully a second pregnacy would double her expectancies.....if you are helping along?....and its still a problem...I agree with some of the others answers .....seek supports that are available for you both to resolve your situation ,,,,,but do it lovingly and together!
2007-01-08 11:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by yahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs a psychological evaluation.
If she is THAT afraid of getting pregnant again maybe you should consider a vasectomy, tubal ligation etc and get a near 100% guarantee.
If she STILL won't then I would demand her to see a shrink.
2007-01-08 11:25:36 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, That might take some time for her to get over. I dont think it is post natal deppression either. Try being intimate with her with out trying to push the issue of sex or anything. it might help her get over her little mood thing faster.
2007-01-08 10:57:46 · answer #10 · answered by thikingdomcome 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋