i was wondering is it wrong to retaliate against my wifes lover. I recently found out my wife was having a affair with a guy and they communicated through emails. when i found the emails i sent one to him telling him to leave my wife alone. He responded by saying i dont want to mess with him. The nerve of this man to sleep with my wife then dis me directly by suggesting i should be afraid of him. I found out many of the emails came from his job, should i file a complaint with copies of the emails to his supervisors in retaliation? he is a state employee and it could cost him his job. should I do this
2007-01-08 02:19:58 · 32 answers · asked by yodez 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do it.....i would....that son of a ...... should loose his job.. Government employees have a standard and im sure breaking the law by sleeping with another man's wife is one of them.
2007-01-08 03:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll surely hate me for saying that, but I think the guy's about right, unless you can prove your wife was forced into this relation, and that hardly appears likely. Face it, if your wife used so silly a means to communicate with him, it was probably meant for you to discover it. Don't fall in the trap, and simply make sure you get a copy of this correspondence to file a divorce. If you don't, you'll find yourself facing another infidelity in, say, 3-4 months, and some other time after that. You can't possibly lick'em all if your wife has decided to $crew you so openly. Things like that have a way to happen in life.
2007-01-08 02:33:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thoughts are this: Your wife had made a solemn promise to you, and she broke that promise. Your beef is with her. You have to take whatever action about that you can life with. As for the guy, was it crappy of him to mess with another man's wife? Yes. But did he have any kind of preconceived arrangement with you personally that he would not tread on your marriage? No. He's just a creep. Leave it at that. Perhaps they deserve each other.
Anything you do to "retaliate" lowers your standard and defines you. Don't let your actions here define you, as you have done nothing wrong. On the contrary, you have been "wronged." It may feel temporarily good to get back at him for being part of what hurt you. But it is much easier in the long run to live with yourself knowing you've done nothing wrong. Your main focus needs to be moving on with your life from here. It's like they tell you when you're learning to drive: Always look in the direction you're moving. And you can't move forward safely if you're looking backwards. Give yourself permission to move on.
2007-01-08 02:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by Rvn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be dealing with your wife on this, too. If she is through with this guy and you can find it in your heart to forgive her, then so be it. Personally I couldn't be that forgiving. There was nothing wrong with you telling him to stay away from your wife, but she has to want to stay away from him. I couldn't imagine the pain I would feel if my husband cheated on me even once. I'm sure the company this guy works for wouldn't approve of how he's using company time. But if he loses his job, he may retaliate and cause you harm. Do you really think it's all worth it? After all, she's just as guilty as he is.
2007-01-08 02:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person you should be dealing with is your wife, not her lover.
I understand the temptation to "retaliate" against him but he isn't worth it. Why create possible problems for yourself, he may be a nut job. It's your wife that is allowing this to continue, deal with her.
Unless your wife is willing to stop sleeping with him and work on your marriage I'd say it's time to kick her to the curb and move on! You deserve better, good luck.
2007-01-08 02:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issue is primarily with your wife. That is where you need to focus your attention. However, I must say, as a state employee if he is misusing his office and equipment you have a right to notify someone. But, if you do, be prepared to have an angry former state employee on your butt. There is no question that he is a jerk. But stop looking way out there. Deal with the jerk in your own household.
2007-01-08 02:38:20 · answer #6 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His affair with your wife has nothing to do with his employment. Why would the State fire him if YOUR wife is having a better time with him than you?
Why did your wife go to him anyway? Talk to your wife. She would have better answers that this guy or the State department.
Leave her if you dont think you deserved this.
2007-01-08 02:35:22 · answer #7 · answered by pankajsingh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are overlooking the obvious - your wife cheated on you! Stop worrying about the guy and how to retaliate, start worrying about why she cheated, and if you can save your marriage, or if you want a divorce. The guy is the least of your worries. Good luck.
2007-01-08 02:24:07 · answer #8 · answered by NAN G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
knowing she is married, and knowing that you know what is going on, and then indirectly threatening you and not backing off, i'd do all i could to ruin this man. he needs to learn a hard lesson, and who better than you to teach him? some may say i am wrong, but this is a "guy thing". you will not be able to live with yourself with out revenge. does he have a wife? find her, let her know, and then sleep with her. and then tell him and your wife. do it all. ruin him. ruin your wife. there is nothing at all she can say to you that will be a good excuse. she wanted laid! its that simple. everything else she may say is just a lie and she is just gonna tell you what you want to hear. trust me on that.
2007-01-08 02:27:27 · answer #9 · answered by beechjb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No , Leave your wife cause she's not worth it. Now it may seem hard but it is the bestthing you can do right now, Or you would go through the relationship being paranoid.
2007-01-08 02:25:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋