Is it right for your fiance to tell you to loose weight?

Question

We have been together for over 5 years now. Every so often if I gain some weight it becomes an issue. He says he is scared that once I am married I will have the mentality of thinking "oh well, nothing to work on anymore". Am I in the wrong for thinking that he should NEVER comment about me like this and just love me unconditionally? Or, do I do something about it

Answer 1

Here's the thing: he needs to enjoy himself while he's with you. I think it's a good thing that he tells u right away when he finds that the "enjoyment" has somewhat been reduced, and ask you to work on it. Another guy could have just slept with the girl next door! I mean, it's a good thing from him to ask you to be better than go and try to find that better thing somewhere else.

Answer 2

I think he has every right to say something to you. I mean, he met you looking a certain way. I am not saying that you will look that way for the rest of you life and if he is complaining about 2 or 3 pounds he may be taking it a bit to far but if ya'll are getting married then you are in it for good and he wants to make sure you don't change to much. Now, if he is being mean about it that is a whole other story. He should never talk down to you or purposely make you feel bad. You should read the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldman. It will give you a better perspective on how men think and why you should try your best to keep your weight down for your man. It is a really great book but a hard read for some women that don't want to believe what it says. Read that book then if you really think the things he is saying to you are out of place, put your foot down. Good luck!

Answer 3

I found the book to be very informative and easy to read.

I've lost 17 pounds in 12 days, I'm just concerned that I'm losing too much weight, too quickly. I will admit I haven't followed the guide exactly. I'm not sticking perfectly to the listed foods and meal plans (but mostly) and doing very little exercise, but the weight keeps flying off.

It clearly works and if I'd followed it exactly I think it would scare the living daylights out of me because of the amount that I'd lose. So thanks again for the information. I've never purchased anything like this before because they are usually full of trash, but 3WD has been a pleasant surprise.

Get started today!

Answer 4

In a perfect world, and the politically correct answer would be that he should love you unconditionally.
Marriage takes work and you should try. Would you want him to just let himself go and be lazy cause it doesn't matter not just how he looks but with work and anything else? It always matters. Not in a superficial way, i mean having "drive" always matters.
He just has to be supportive of weight gain if it happens because there could be something behind it that needs attention.

Just ask him if he loves you for you or for your looks.

Answer 5

No one should tell you to lose weight except for a doctor. Your fiance should love you, not just they way you look. I'm sure he has something he should change about his look, but do you say anything? If this continues you may want to take a good deep look at this relationship. It may only get worse with time. What will happen if you bear his child and gain a little weight. I'm sorry to say this, but he sounds like kind of a jerk.

Answer 6

You might want to take a step back and re-think do you really know this person, people change after marriage. I think he is in the wrong for saying something like that. It is your body, if you want to work out and take care of your self is your decision not his. Men are more visual than woman, every man wants there woman to look there best at all time, but let him know that with having kids you will gain weight also!?!?!?!

Answer 7

I think it is more HOW something is said, rather than WHAT is said. IF he said something along the lines of it being unhealthy for you to gain too much weight and he was sincere in his desire to keep you from having health issues it would not be a bad thing.
IF he is being selfish and only thinking of how he wants you to LOOK, then he is being a jerk. What is on the inside is so much more important than what you weigh. IF you feel he is being mean, then there is a problem. You should never feel the need to explain yourself like that to the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Good luck!

Answer 8

He should love you whatever shape you are. If it is affecting your health then he should suggest that you lose some weight for yourself and for your health but not if he just thinks that once you are married you might "let yourself go". How ridiculous. I suppose he can feel free to gain or lose as much weight as he feels like without you passing comment.

It is a control issue more than your weight.

Answer 9

Well he should definately love you for who you are. Men don't accept change very well. I'm sure he doesn't love the fact that you're packing on a few pounds but you wouldn't like it if he all the sudden went from dashing and charming to a fat lazy couch potato. If you do love him you should want to look good from him but he should be saying something like hey you wanna go for a walk or I started working out a little would you like to join me. There's really no perfect way to say it, the other party is going to know what you really mean. Bottom line is that he should love you for who you are and not COMPLAIN about it unless you're getting unhealthy. He shouldn't want you to change who you are but you might be changing the person that he knows.

Answer 10

You can love someone unconditionally and want them to be healthy. Women are so sensitive about their weight that if a man mentions it, they think he doesn't love them. In all reality, if he mentions that he wants you to lose a few pounds to be healthy, you should be happy that he is paying attention. Men commenting on weight is not always a negative thing. if my man wants me to look good for him, I'll do what I can provided he doesn't become obsessed with it. When you are eating the salads, make one for him too, let him know that it should be a joint effort.