my husbands constant nagging for sex is getting me down?

Question

i had a baby 4 months ago and i still havnt got my sex drive back. i had an emergency cesearean and it took a long while to heal. my husband is constantly nagging me for sex and saying im not the woman i used to be. i dont enjoy sex it hurts me and hes complaning he has to wear condoms as i havnt gone back on the pill yet. i dont want to go back on it yet as i had ivf treatment and i dont want to pump my body with anymore hormones. he nags me constantly and sex is all he seems to talk about. i know he loves me and ive tried telling him it hurts. has anyone else been in my situation and what did you do?? sensible answers please xx

Answer 1

hi, i had c/s too with my son 6 years ago, i had the same trouble i didnt want sex or for him to even touch me, ur not the person u used to be ur a new mum,u never get time for urself, sex is the last thing on ur mind.sex did hurt for me too, i think wat my problem was my body felt ruined, i hated the way i looked, the thought of someone looking and touching my body made me feel physically sick. it took me about a year to regain confidence in myself, but i then got to much confidence then cheated on him we broke up.
Maybe ask urself is is this an excuse why ur not having sex as u may of lost interest in him, as i know now thats what my problem was. im in a new relationship now i have another child and its reversed my partner doesnt seem to be interested in me and god it makes me feel like im not attractive or hes having an affair, try and talk to ur partner if he does talk, as my partner doesnt just brushes things under the carpet and thinks everything is ok. i do know how ur partner is feeling and i sympathize with both of u, if this relationship is worth saving try and come to a compromize, try oral sex sometimes they prefer that to sex, least then he gets satified without being rejected, and u dont have to have sex, u may even fancy it when give him oral, try to relax that could be why its hurting.
hope this helps

Answer 2

First, if my husband had said to me, "you're not the woman" you use to be," my first response would have been, "No sh*t, Sherlock!" Seriously!

Everyone forgets about the urgency of children. People forget or have no clue that it is exausting to raise an infant!

I am sorry that you are not enjoying sex. But, if it is hurting you, there is more than likely something physically wrong and you need to speak with your OBGYN.

Your husband must be young. He has got to get a grip on himself (handjobs!) and be a little more understanding!! Show him this posting and all of the answers that you get. He is wining about wearing a condom?? What, does he want to be responsible for bringing more children into the world??

And, what about you?? You have to get a grip yourself. If you don't want to become pregnant again...and you want your marriage to stay at a happy medium (even if its just to have sex more---and not 3 times a day(tell him he is lucky that he gets it more than once a month!...that happens, a lot. And, that isnt good for marital relations, per se), then you are going to have to come to terms and get back onto the pill or some other form of contraceptive. Tubal ligations and viscectamies(sp) are always nice alternatives and you can have all the sex you want...after everyone is healed. I bet if you begged him for sex after a viscectamy....he would damn well know what the f*ck you were going through in regard to the pain associated with childbirth and ceseareans.

About you not wanting to pump your body with hormones? Your body is chock full of hormones at the moment...and you might still be going through post partum...depression even. This is one reason for the decrease in sex drive in women after giving birth. Aside from not wanting to go through the 9 month stint of carrying a child, for a while.

Answer 3

My wife and I have three kids. After each pregnancy her body, her energy levels and her sex drive resonded differently. You have to communicate with each other and you have to figure out what works best for you. Maybe it's abstinence or maybe it's a compromise. Either way it has to be something that works for both of you.

I know all of this has had an emotional effect as well as a physical effect on you and your body. Don't underestimate how much of an emotional effect it's been on your husband to have his wife taken in for an emergency C-section. It means his wife and child were in danger and he as husband, father and protector of you two was powerless to help. That can hit a man deep (I have my own labor room horror stories) and cause a wide range of emotions that nobody ever thinks "dad" needs to deal with. The constant pushing for sex could be part of getting back the manhood that was cut open in the operating room.

He needs to understand your fears of getting back into activities that can lead to pregnancy after such a traumatic experience also. You need a little time.

I'm sure your husband is a good man and devoted father. If you keep communication open I think you'll find he's not going to stray on you just because you need some more time.

Answer 4

Your husband still has physical needs that need to be met. If you are physically unable to have sex with him because it hurts too bad, try a different method of bringing him to orgasm. Try either oral, or try manually masturbating him with a massage. Get romantic with him. There still needs to be some level of romance, or he will start to resent you for not paying him the attention that you should. You vowed to take him in sickness and in health. If you don't and still ignore the problem, not that it's right, but that may cause him to go look for it somewhere else. Like I said, not that I condone that, because cheating is wrong, no matter what he's being denied. But, he has a physical need for sex too. He has this gland called a prostate that fills up with semen, and if it is left alone for too long, it could develope into a condition called PROSTATIUS, which is where the prostate gets inflamed and can become infected because it get's engorged with semen. So this is a medically physical need that is your duty as his wife to take care of, if you care about his health. Turn down the lights, play some soft music, (ENIGMA'S PRINCIPLES OF LUST is my favorite.), light some candles and ask him what he wants. If what he wants sounds like it would hurt too bad, consider a compromise and help him to get some relief. That's why he nags you about it. If you love him, you should be willing to meet his physical emotional needs, then he won't have a reason to nag. Hopefully this will trigger his desire to meet your intimate emotional needs if he isn't. But that's a whole other ball game. Good Luck. Try reading a book called "HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS".

Answer 5

6 weeks after I had my baby, my husband nagged me for sex constantly. At one point, he actually pushed me out of bed because I refused him sex. As time went on, sex with him became more of a chore than a pleasure. I lost respect for this man, because he treated me like a tool, rather than a wife. After a few more years of his mistreatment, I divorced this man.

My second child was by cesearean (from my second marriage) and I know you're not exaggerating about still suffering after 4 months. Not only do you go through some emotional changes, but your body has to heal, and it takes time. You could have your doctor talk to your husband, but it probably won't do any good. Like my first husband, your husband has no compassion for you; and most likely, he doesn't truly love anyone (which you'll discover for yourself in time). Be careful about having more children with this guy. You might end up raising them alone.

I would also encourage you not to listen to people who tell you, "you should have healed by now," "men need sex," and other such nonsense. The issue here is that your husband is an insensitive man, and his behavior won't stop with this particular problem.

Answer 6

As far as getting your sex drive back, you can see your Gynecologists about it ans he/she will be able to prescribe something. And what do you mean you don't want to pump your body with anymore hormones? It's 2007...The land of prescribed hormones! Condoms are probably the less effective birth control on the market, you better get back on that pill before you get 2 lines on the pregnancy test. Do ou at least give him oral sex? You can ask your Gynecologists about the pain during sex as well, there could be something seriously wrong with you as far as the pain. Have him give you oral sex first before the next time you have sex. This will get you more int he mood. When he puts it in maybe tell him to only put the head in and out until you say otherwise.

Answer 7

I think he is being insensitive (typical male) he has no idea how you are feeling and I can relate to the way you are. Its not only the fact that you have had a C Section , having a baby alone is draining and tiring. Its only natural your sex drive has deteriotated. The fact that it hurts is enough to put any female off. Complaining about wearing a condom? I really cant believe him, he is totally out of order, your feelings havent been taken into consideration, and if you have ( which Im sure will be the case) have explained all this to him and he is still nagging you, then he is an inconsiderate rat and will only put you into a depresion, which I'm not suprised if you are already. Go to the Doctor and take him with you and let the doctor tell him, maybe then he will listen. I really feel for you and am sorry, he has to be reminded that there is another little life in the house that has needs too.

Answer 8

Well, you're not the woman you were, you're a whole lot more than that; you're the mother of his child!!

Is he helping out with the baby? If he isn't, then point out to him that perhaps you'd have more time for him if he'd spend some more time with the baby!!

It's only been four months!! You're planning on spending a lifetime together, four months isn't a long time in that context and if he's kind and sweet and supportive, you'll be so much happier together when you're feeling ready.

Sometimes when you have a small baby it seems like you will never get your love life back on track. But its not true - once you've both accepted the HUGE change in your lives you will be able to reunite as man and wife and not just mom and dad.

Answer 9

I think a couples sex life is important but there should be room for compromise in situations like this. I think you should see your doctor to talk over the fact that it hurts and see if there is anything he/she can do to help. If your husband recognises you are doing something to try and get back on track he may back off a little and give you some space.
I imagine just after having a baby being a very difficult time for couples, i think you really need to try and get through to him what is going on. Maybe he feels rejected but if you can sit him down and tell him that sex isnt off the agenda all together you just need time and patience he may start to understand. Good luck x

Answer 10

We had the same problem, and my wife's sex drive still not back where it was before - my kids are 3 and 4 /12 - I feel for you both.

I have a very high sex drive, and when my wife was first pregnant so did she, we were at it all the time until just a few days before the birth - mainly because the mid-wife said it could hurry things along (still 10 days late!!). After the birth I held on for as long as I could before the pestering began.

I would suggest you encourage him to get a release another way - aural, manual or well I believe they call it Greek. But do it together, or at least try to share the experience in some way. But don't be hurried in to anything yourself it might put you off for good.

Best of luck.