have been with b/f for 4 yrs and we 'were' looking 4 a house 2gether. I have a 4 & 6 yr old who adores him and he adores them. I have been trying(as he has no 'biological' children) to become pregnant for last 3 yrs to no avail...so far.. 'He' went searching and found a house 4 us the other day but changed his mind at the last minute. I have lived with him before for about 3 yrs then we decided 2 live apart for various reasons. Whist we lived together he payed rent and I took care of everything else. He moved out so nothing has really changed for him financially but I hate to admit that I am struggling yet he still stays here 5 nights and we go 2 his on the w/end?!?( bachelor pad). He does not help me financially besides some food sometimes because I make his dinner/lunch ect..I thought everythin was kinda ok now?!? Should I wait 4 him or travel to the other side of country where my family lives & I have much more opportunities? I know he loves me so why does he hold back soo much??
2007-01-07 23:13:57 · 15 answers · asked by ♥ReeLsWeeeT♥ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is acting tenatively about the two of you buying a house together, I might wonder if something is up w/ him. Depending on if you think he'll be honest w/ you you could ask him straight out if there's a problem (He may justbe a little nervous about the taking the big step of buying a house and becoming a family). However, if you think it could b something else and that he might not tell you if somethings really wrong you could play detective and try to get a look at his e-mail, or see if he's where he says he is when you're not together(and that he's not w/ someone else). As for the money issue maybe drop suttle hints about your financial situation and see if he offers to help u. If you don't think he will, you have two choices tell him what u just told us, about him basically living w/ you, (though u seem to b afraid that this might turn him off or push him away), or try to cut some corners or spend less money (which I'm sure is'nt easy being a single Mom w/ two young kids). You might also hint to him that if the two of u don't get a house soon, you were thinking of possibly moving away ( for the reasons you posted). If he does'nt seem to care, then something is obviously wrong. If he seems upset or tells you he does'nt want u to go, then maybe everythings okay. You've been w/ this guy four years, so just trust your instincts and if you get a bad vibe I'd confront him even if u think it could push him away or make him uncomfortable ( I think you owe it to your kids, and your yourself). That's what I would do anyway. That way you can get on w/ your life if he wants to, or even seems like he wants to move on and/or keep living by himself.
I think you're smart to have thought about possibly moving cross country if things don't work out w/ "the bf", especially since your family is there and you'll b able to make more money for you and your children (it would also put som distance between you and him). Anyway, I really hope things work out for you (that you get a house w/ your bf). You seem like a thoughtful, intelligent person that just wants what's best for her kids and herself. GL 2 U & your fam.
PS sorry if there's any misspelled words my "check spelling button" seems to b stuck
2007-01-08 00:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by GreyGHost29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet llady, do not get pregnant under any circumstances. Don't do it to yourself or your other children, putting yourself into a worse financial situation.
Don't do it for this guy who you think might like to have his own child to 'cement' this relationship.
Don't do it for yourself because you 'love him' and it would be nice to have his child.. TOO!!( remember you already have 2 you need to give every opportunity to already.
DO accept that this man has his own life and is not really committed to you or ready for a more solid relationship.
DO accept that you have family and opportunities where your family lives. Adore him or not, your children will have people to adore and vise versa back home near your family.
DO believe and accept that you are ever so much better than you have set yourself up to be for with this man and this situation.
DO make a real change now.. MOVE ON.. for YOU and for your kids.
Life gets better!!
2007-01-07 23:39:47 · answer #2 · answered by fjäril 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After analyzing all of us else's replies to this question. i imagine its fairly chance-free to assert, no; you're too youthful. perchance instead of bringing some thing in on your courting to make it more effective useful, you may instead attempt to attach inspite of issues there are with you and your b/f. you may also artwork on an practise. Having a puppy doesn't even research to somewhat one. somewhat one isn't a puppy; in spite of the undeniable fact that, having a puppy can help you you in case you experience lonely. Even having a puppy although calls for an excellent type of work. basically this week I had to spend on the fringe of 16 hours cleansing and grooming a 7 week previous kitten becuase it had flees and ticks throughout it. once you've the time and the interest span to do this then by way of all ability go ahead. i imagine personally you may wait on having a baby till you're round 20 to 20-5. Technically you've round your mid 40's to have a baby. you've more effective then 20 years to commence a kinfolk in the previous you grow to be barren, so stay it up and luxuriate in life.
2016-12-28 09:27:49 · answer #3 · answered by takako 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sort of sounds like he's using you a touch here, doesn't quite seem fair to me. I reckon he might figure he's on a good thing as it is so why ruin it. At a guess, if you do nothing, I'd imagine the situation could be the same 10 years from now. I think you should ask him for some kind of committment, more than what's there. If he baulks, I'd seriously think of going.
2007-01-07 23:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My dear, your first concern should always be your children and you. But, honestly, Why do you think he loves you if he lives with you only 5 days a week?
For what you say, it gives the impression that only YOU are in love, not him. He is in for the BENEFIT of not having to pay rent and have a servant that cooks for him and do his laundry.
Go with your family, think of your children. The least your children need to see is how a man can take advantage of a woman in love, for they will learn to do so and practice it when they grow up.
2007-01-07 23:24:20 · answer #5 · answered by David G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like a real clown. It seems to me he is taking advantage of you and leeching off of you!
You have your own kids to take care of - you shouldn't be responsible for him too! If anything, he should be helping you out!
Dump this guy - move closer to your family. Your kids will be happier and you will find a better guy. You need to use this opportunity to make a "clean break" and you will see that you have already wasted too much time on this guy already.
2007-01-07 23:45:11 · answer #6 · answered by Agent99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow....if you are struggling now and he is not helping, do you really think that it is wise to have another baby???? If he loved you, he would want to be living with you and he would be helping you financially and every other way.....go be with your family where things will be easier on you and you can build a good life for you and the kids....good luck
2007-01-07 23:19:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Take care of your kids. Your family would love to be near them. And besides, if he wants a "BACHELOR PAD" he obviously wants to be a bachelor.
2007-01-07 23:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Difficult situation, but start out with a serious talk to him, there migth be something on his mind. Its only he who can answer your questions.
2007-01-07 23:18:44 · answer #9 · answered by toxisoft 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would he make a commitment when he has it made? Move on an make a life for you and your kids.
2007-01-07 23:20:48 · answer #10 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋