read this story i had written and rate it?I have only written 1 page?

Question

There lived a king called Nufor in the country of poarter in the first age of append called as phantor.He was a Great king.His kingdom was all filled with green grass with lots of happiness and was pale blue sky at night with singings ,dancings.There were houses filled with lots of joy and happiness alround.Even the poorest sections of the people lived with smiles with the richest.There were no economic inequalities between them All His people liked him.He was the most greatest in the age of phantor.
He had three children.1st was Nassafar born on 13/6/1398 .The 2nd one was Namfor born on 12/3/1405 and the 3rd was a girl with name Elefor born on 16/2/1408 .They all lived happily arranging feasts and many other things.The king was delighted to have three children.On the birth of the first son the king called an astrologer and asked "tell about my son?".Is he going .to well prosper or is he going to become a great king or he is going to have a miss fortune.The astrologer says to bring a lomen(lomen is a fruit by which a person can be brought to life or a person only ladie may give birth to other person) with two black spots on it with a sketch of a dragon on it within 2 months.King allowed him to stay in his kingdom in the mean time.Astrolger says that his all sons would die if he does not bring lomen within 2 months on13/4/1398..The king asks where the lomen was.Then astrologer with a very sad face and dissapointed says that it was in the kingdom of Elgers.Then the king was shocked for a moment.The queen of that kingdom faints.She goes to coma.For three days she rested on the bed.The doctors cured her by bringing herbs of the denfers.King says to his people that who will do this task will be rewarded by .Nangel was a precious diamond.Every body want to do this task but they were afraid of hearing the name Elger.They shivered by hearing the name of the kingdom Elgers.The king day by day got grievness.

In the mean while there lived faithfull servant called Girngar in his kingdom.He was Gorgin's son.Gorgin once was very old and was attacked by a disease.The doctors in the kingdom said that they wan money to cure fis father.But he was poor.So he decided to go to the king and agree the task at any rate .The king sends his faithful servant Gigar for this task.So on 15/4/1398 He sets to go to journey.He takes enough food and clothing and all the required things.He sets for journey.When he lives the city,suddenly a unknown person catches him from the back.He drew his sword,The pasder.But it was his nephew and so he requests him to come with him.They both started travelling with their luggage kept in a bag hanging on their shoulders.

The faithful servant of The king Girgar with his nephew Girfan travels all the way from the country of poarter to the country of The Elgers.

Elgers are very cruel and cunning.They live in forests.They are very fast in running and have eyes equal to that of eagles.The kingdom was also named as the dark kingdom.The people of poarter believed that there were devils in Elgers kingdom.All the people of the kingdom were afraid of even listening to that name.Girgar travels all long to the way of into the kingdom of Elgers.The kingdom was all red with huge volcanoes and huge holes with a 10 storeyed buildings.The kingdom was very hot attaining a temparature of nearly 50C.The two people of poarter's kingdom were filled with sweat.Days passed without number for Girgar and his nephew.The lomen was with the king of the kingdom. "it seems that we have already wasted 2 fortnights for coming to this kingdom"said Girgar to Girfan." We still have only few more days left,We have to travel forty dorgor's more,I fear we have to make haste"says Girfan to Girgar,son of Gorgin and Cindy.Cindy is the name of his mother. "It may take another fortnight to reach the palace where the king stays"says Girgar.While they were talking and when they reached the kingdom of Elgers.They were afrid by seeing it's size.They thought of making haste to reach to the kings fort. At the first day in the kingdom they travelled restless for many hours.They take rest at 3'0 clock midnoon.They opened their bag and ate some food.They slept for some hours and they again started.In the mean while Girfan noticed that there a an Elger who tried to shoot on him,so he alerts Girfan and Girfan draws his sword The Pasder and kills the Elger.The wounded Elger goes on the roads shouting for help.but he died on the midway to the kingdom.At night they slept by take turns to watch.so like this our first day in this dreadful kingdom passed says Girgor to girfan

mentioned years for detailed description of this story.

Answer 1

This is a great story, srinu.. the great. Be proud of it.
Keep writing, keep working, and keep learning.
Every day of your life you will get better and better, and one day you'll be published in all the great bookshops in the world.
Remember me when you get famous,
Jack.

Answer 2

You have a great imagination and a great start for a story. I would include a little more background, for example the explanation of the lomen and a description of the kingdom of Elgers and why it's so feared. Also, you need someone to help you with your spelling, grammar and punctuation. However, as a whole it's quite interesting and well done and I would be interested in reading this story. You have a wonderful start and with a little help, you could really make it into a great story.

Answer 3

Judging by the story, I would have to predict that you are about 11 years old. If you are, its not bad, but there are alot of spelling errors and areas you need to improve on. For example, no-one needs to know when the 3 children were born. Throw in there ages somewhere but don't write a list. Same goes for the lomen, work it into the story, don't just put a description of it in brackets. How old are you incedently?

Answer 4

I suggest that you read other books and see how the authors write their stories. Grammatically and demonstratively, you need some help. If you love to write don't stop trying. I love to write and when I was very young, I didn't write like a pro but I kept trying, reading and learning. I still keep a dictionary with me. Ask an English teacher for help. I did. I haven't been published yet but people who I have allowed to read them say my stories are good.
It's hard to get into the publishing world but if you are diligent you might one day make it.
Right now, you need to work on basic structure and grammar.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Wow. When I was 10 I could have done better with the grammar. There are irrelevant facts in this story, such as when the children were born. Short and simple isn't that great, either. Make it long enough to read, with well-put detail, and maybe I would've read the whole thing.

Answer 6

You have a lot of irrelevant information in there (like the birth dates of the kids or how difficult it was to wake up the queen) that makes the story progress slower and makes the reader lose interest. Remember, more detail doesn't make the story sound better, well-placed detail does. You also have a ton of grammatical mistakes.

Answer 7

That was an awesome concept! It's very refreshing and I can't say anything bad about it. There should be more concepts and writings out there like this. I would love to hear that turned into a song.

Answer 8

A king who could not wait, to watch and liston to his children grow. A king who could not wait, a king and the moments as king he wanted all the moments now, stored up in his chest, a sureness of value. The king and the value of treasure, this he did not know, and so he asked another and by his question thus went the value of his kingdom, or so the story goes.

Answer 9

Not my style Harry Potter. good luck with it though. It needs a bit more more relevant detail too, like use adjectives. can't really paint a picture or get into it. keep it up.

Answer 10

6.5/10 or 6/ 10