Is he making a fool of me?

Question

2 years ago I met my partner on the internet. He moved in with me when things became serious. He pays nothing towards my bills or mortgage but works away so spends a fair amount on petrol. I have also bought him 2 cars and he owes me an additional £1600 when I have bailed him out about a year ago.

He’s started coming to bed at 2 in the morning but over Christmas & New Year it was around 6am on occasions. I saw him looking on a site but he said he was just playing and assured me he wasn’t subscribed. I decided to snoop (making me a bad person, I know) on the computer and found he has spent over £200 on internet dating and chat sites in the last year. He has been giving out his e-mail and making out that he lives with a friend and is looking to move closer to work. More importantly, he’s been lying to me.

I’m gutted. He has said he wasn’t going to do anything and I’m over reacting. Having written that this seems like a silly question but, is this man playing me for a fool?

Answer 1

You need more proof sweetie ??
Don't even bother to confront him . Just throw his stuff out of the house next time he is away from home !

Answer 2

I hate to say this but yes this man is playing you for a fool. The fact that he is living with you rent free, paying no bills and the fact that you have brought him 2 cars is bad enough. But he is now possibly meeting up with other people and lying to you. You need to confront this man and tell him that you know what he has been up to and if I were you, I'd kick him out of your house.

After all its not as if he's paying any bills so from that aspect you are not going to miss him. Emotionally yes you will but do you really want to be living with a liar. I think that it's wrong that he will pay over £200 on internet dating, but he won't pay you back what he owes you.

You need to be strong and get rid of him but before you do I also think that you should try and get it in writing that he owes you this money. Go to your Citizen Advice Bureau and find out if there's anything you can do in order to make sure you get that money back.

Answer 3

Awww so sorry hun. I have been in a similar situation myself & know how hard it is to let go but when I did it was the best thing I ever did. And dont feel bitter about it. Of all the pigs I have encountered in my life, I am now the strong one. I can hold my head up high & they r the losers. I had 2 New Year messages which made me smile so here they r - I hope they will help u, if not, they r sure to make u smile - A toast to all us beautiful ladies for 2007! For the men who r fortunate to have us, the losers who HAD & LOST US & the lucky b@stards that r yet to meet us!!!
2nd was is - Always remember for 2007....life is short, break the rules, 4give quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably & never regret anything that made u smile :-)
Good luck x

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for your pain, and for the dreams that you hanging in the balance for you, but I have to say as gently as possible that it's perhaps a good idea a) to look at the facts, and b) to call him to task.

As to the facts: Why would he want to register for any dating sites. The lies yeah, that could be "hot air" under other circumstances, but not on a dating site.

As to the talk: You have to know where you stand. I cannot imagine how sick to the stomach you feel, but you need to make tracks soon or be used more..

The writing seems to be on the wall, and I hope you will sit him down and have a serious talk. Maybe he's still wanting to sow wild oates, but then he mustn't do it on your time or at the expense of your feelings. And don't lend him any money any more - but that you already know. Good luck. <<<>>>

Answer 5

Your a lot more tolerant than I would be. For one if your living with someone and you have a job then you should pay your own way, **** the petrol that's down to him and not your responsibility.
As for the £200 on the chat line crap that's ridiculous (I bet he's not asking for relationship advice). Have it out with the man, don't let him get a free ride.
You need to ask yourself ' do I love him' if yes ask yourself more importantly does he love you?
You sound like a giving person, don't let people take the **** out of that fact.

Hope things work out for the best. x

Answer 6

sometimes we blind ourselves to the obvious because we dont want to hear the dreaded 'i told you so'.
If your partner has moved in with you,uses the gas,electric,phone etc then he needs to pay his way,its unfair of him to use his 'i pay a lot in petrol to get to work and back' line because his work location has nothing to do with you.
If he is staying up late and going on the internet to chat to other women and telling them he is living with a friend then the only conclusions you can come to is that he either a liar and lies to everyone about everything or he isnt happy with you and is just biding his time till something else better comes along(is he addicted to the internet?).
Does he talk about his past?if so does he always have excuses for when things go wrong for him and blame everyone else because these are classic signs of someone who does not want responsibility and wants a free ride from everyone they meet.
You have said you have borrowed him money,if he works he should not need to borrow money and as for spending over £200 on internet dating and chat sites well i dont know what other signs you need from this man that hes taking you for a ride.
To round it all off,you met,he moved in with you,pays nothing towards the house bills etc,borrows money from you,you buy him things,he spends money on chat sites and internet and then tells people he lives with a friend.
You need to see this man for what he is,a user.
Get rid of him,its your home,its your money and its your dignity that are the most important things to you.
Dont be fooled by him,you will probably find out later down the line that your not the first person he's done this too.

Answer 7

Seriously, some men are dogs and I should know being a man. You seem a very intelligent person and I think you know the answer to your own question. His behaviour is not that of a loving partner. Obviously you have been a rather convenient financial arrangement for this man so he has continued to use you while seeing other women. I'd get rid of him as soon as possible and find yourself a decent guy before you find yourself buying him another car.

Answer 8

Yes, he's made a fool out of you. He's just using you for all he can get. Try to recover some of the money you have spent on this jerk, and then kick him out. He's not good for you.

I've had this same situation occur with my life and a former live-in girlfriend. I snooped in the email, then her computer history and she was definately bragging about how easy it was to suck me dry of money.

I confronted her about this, she got mad that i snooped but didn't deny any of this at all. She packed her bags and moved out and i'm happier now that she's gone.

Some people thrive on using others, they are very selfish individuals and should not be allowed to be involved with other people's lives. They are simply just gold diggers.

Answer 9

I think the warning signs where there by not contributing to your bills when he lives there! Honey why did you buy him 2 cars? Are they still in your name, I hope so! You're so not over reacting why do men do that put it back onto you when we find out something, I hate that! Get out now! This man is a liar and a sponger and a cheat. Something much better for you around the corner xx

Answer 10

Get rid of this sponger. reasons why -
1 - he is using you
2 - he pays nothing toward bills etc
3 - you met him where? the internet!
4 - he is looking for his next victim
5 - HE IS TAKING THE P*SS OUT OF YOUR GOOD NATURE.

You owe him nothing kick him out and cut your loses - think yourself lucky that you found out now and don't have kids with the mongrel.
LEARN a valuable lesson - be a better judge of people - don't be afraid to be on your own as opposed to being with someone who uses you. Get some moral support from friends and family.
ACT NOW !!!! DON'T WAIT TILL HE BLEEDS YOU DRY AND SPINS MORE LIES AND SWEET TALKS HIS WAY BACK INTO YOUR TRUST !!!!
Good Luck
Rx

Answer 11

This man is not only playing you for a fool, but he also has no morals and as you have found out he is a liar as well. The best thing you could do is to throw him and his lies out of your house for good. Then you could concentrate on finding a real man, one who will respect you, (believe me there are some out there). You deserve better than this cretin. Get rid of him and start looking forward to life without this inhumane being.