What to do if you're so ugly everybody hates you at first sight?

Question

I'm not quite sure. I always thought of myself as quite average, but of late I'm coming to the realization that perhaps I'm a horrible grotesque used to my own appearance.

That would explain why no one has ever loved me or befriended me.

Is there a solution? Because it seems that once people hate you "at first sight," they are unwilling to give you a chance, no matter how nice you are as a person: all your actions will be interpreted as negative.

If you're sweet, you'll be taken to be weak.
If you're assertive, you'll be taken to be cocky.
If you're careful, you'll be thought of as cowardly.
If you buy presents, you'll be assumed to want something else besides friendship.
If you invite, you'll be looked at with disgust.
If you're funny, you'll be taken for a jerk.
If you're romantic, you'll be called tacky.
If you're communicative, you'll be told you are annoying.
If you're shy, you'll be assumed to be antisocial.
If you're educated, you'll be called arrogant.

I'm 37, single, and a published researcher (with a PhD in biochemistry). I have an excellent job, but currently work up in North British Columbia, in Canada.

Not much to do around here, except to freeze out there in the cold taking samples from trees or staying indoors typing at the computer.

Fine with me, I dislike working in an office. Oh, and I'm clean and fit. My jeans are 28" around the waist. Not easy to find either: most start at 30".

Answer 1

I wish to have a boxy jaw bone.
I wish to have a bigger eyes.
I wish to have a muscular body.
I wish to have a fold on my eyelids.
I wish to have flaw-less skin.
I wish to have a hairy chest.
I wish to have a macho apperance.
I wish to have a taller body.
I wish to have a blue eyes.
I wish to have a thin lips.
I wish to have all what I don't have right now. :)

But the facts are:
1. I'm a JVC (Japanese-jaVanese-Chinese).
2. I'm alive (compare to the dead people).
3. I'm loved by my friends (compare to the people who make a friendship with you because you are rich, handsome and so on. So if someday you are not rich/handsome anymore, will they still your friend?),
4. I'm thankful to God (compared to the unthankful people, I'm more optimistic).
5. I'm working for an international organization (compare to the jobless people).
6. I have my parents (compare to the orphans).
7. I'm educated (compare to other who never attend the school)
8. I stay in my daddy's home (compare to the homeless and famililess).
9. I can sing the songs (compare to the mute peoples).
10. I can walk (compare to the lame peoples).
11. I can see (compare to the blind peoples).
12. I can listen to the musics (compare to the deaf peoples).
13. I can answer your questions for I am well educated, have a caring mind and enlightened spirit.

if you focus to your weakness too much, then that point of view will make yourself even worse. If you focus to your strength (your good at) and what you could do with it, then you will be someone's hero who brighten up someone's day.

Believe me, I was in that point of nothingness and uselessness.

Change the way you think about yourself. And smile to yourself (in front of the mirror). And give thanks to the God. That will make your day and others.

Answer 2

I guess any of us that do all the things you listed are all wrong and not living right. Is your brain in backwards?? why are you wasting so much time on a thing like this. Obviously you sit inside with nothing to do but dream up this stuff---you'll only meet people if you go out and mingle. Be proud of who you are and walk tall. I would guess and say you may be unapproachable and that's why people seem to ignore you. But I'm guessing ---or do you constantly drive people away so you can have this drama??? This is pathetic---get out and get moving. Is your esteem at an all time low??? What's the problem here--you're not ugly--nobody's ugly---you don't need to be around shallow people so look for a nice crowd---get a job or a hobby socialize a bit. Smile. How old are you anyway.

Answer 3

There are a couple of problems with the way you are analyzing this situation about yourself. You describe yourself as average and yet you are listening to feedback that is not in line with normality. It is wrong to assume that the element in the discussion that does not measure up to acceptability is you.
Secondly, I am glad that you mentioned all of these strange social contusions in your list. These are vanities. If you were to accept these you would close off your personality and your mind and reduce your ability to cope, becoming dysfunctional. You can not accept the false standards of an abnormal society, because then you will be harmed. If you have seen the movie "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" by CS Lewis, you will see that this is the frozen situation in which the people fall into when they encounter the magic wand of the witch because this is the spell that is cast. Believe these crazy notions and you will not be free to act. Notice the actions of those people who remain free from these problems, especially in the story. They have a higher set of moral standards which they take from God. They live by these irregardless of what the rest of society does. They concentrate on Virtue and tolerance of others. These bad times will pass, but preserving you as a good and decent, honest and faithful person is the most important thing. You will be beautiful in the site other real people.

"According to its etymology the word virtue (Latin virtus) signifies manliness or courage. "Appelata est enim a viro virtus: viri autem propria maxime est fortitudo" ("The term virtue is from the word that signifies man; a man's chief quality is fortitude"; Cicero, "Tuscul.", I, xi, 18)

Another interesting aspect of this story mentioned above, is that the people most successful in avoiding the tendencies of false labels and cruel conclusions are the ones who work the hardest at being skillful or knowledgeable at their occupation, and get a healthy attitude about responsibility. They stay busy with good things.

Answer 4

You recognise what you are no longer by myself. Meg Griffin has long past by way of many battles. Just keep robust. Meg Griffin says on no account stop there may be wish! Follow your desires! Hope is what will get you out of the mattress within the morning whilst its the day of promenade and also you havent been requested wish pushes the caterpiller by way of the cacoon and drives the salmon upstream your breasts is also small and your glasses is also thick however wish does no longer preserve up a miror wish is a horizon we head for leaving not anything in the back of us however worry and no we might on no account achieve or ambitions its hopes so that it will trustworthy us from who we as soon as had been. edit: Okay I wish names of those men and women. I would possibly not even allow them to recognise you gave me the fb hyperlinks. It's *** kicking time! you don't deserve this. I'm am going to inform those men and women off. If I met them in truly existence I might kick their asses so unhealthy they might be crying in blood.

Answer 5

Hello My dear, Paradise they say is not in America or Paris,rather it is ones state of mind. If you see yourself to be ugly, people will see you that way. What i will advice you is that no matter how ugly a man or woman is somebody out there will admire the person. Try and improve on your dressing not gorgeously but look nice and smart. Also beleive in yourself every other thing will take place.

You can count on me as your friend now. Bye

Answer 6

Okay ... I think you sound a little bit depressed and you should make an appointment with your GP to discuss these thoughts. Your list looks almost identical to one I did a while back so I understand exactly how you are feeling. Some talk therapy can help immensely with restoring your self-esteem. Good luck.

Answer 7

Go a bit deeper,
sight is not the only thing to judge a person.
There is an "in" to everyone.
I may not so pleasent, but im the great personality ever i met in the world.
Live with yourself.
Love yourself, then there are people to love you,
just try as im doing.,.,.,

Answer 8

Look man, I got my wife to look at by just being assertive. Women like confidence, reguardless of the person. Also personal hygene issue may have a play in it. If you have an acne problem ( I used to) try talking to a dermatologist about accutane.

Answer 9

i would suggest you to try to go work out, go to gym and build up your body shape. Have you noticed that some men who don't look handsome but because they have a good body shape which also make them look attractive and good looking. Having a sporty body shape gives people a sense that you are sporty, healthy and take care of yourself. so you might want to try it.

Answer 10

You gotta love yourself. Think good things about you. Act like if you're the best. Don't ever say you're ugly. Believe you're beautiful.