How can I be a good conversationalist?

Question

I am a pretty confident person. I represent my college in several debates and elocution and do a pretty good job. Yet, I have always liked spending time with myself and inclined to avoid company. Hence, even with people, i rarely talk and let them do all the talking. If asked something, I reply in a line or two. Its like I feel my talk would be boring to them. I want to change. I want to be a major part of discussions. How can I get myself to talk more?

Answer 1

There is what could be called a standard conversation rule. It is called Grice's Maxims.
Grice said that the four components of a successful conversation are:

Quantity - don't say too much or too little
Quality - be truthful, don't exaggerate
Relevance - keep to the topic
Order - keep your contribution structured, clear, unambiguous and avoid unnecessary wordiness.

Um ... don't try too hard to do all these or most probably it'll make things worse. Just talk as naturally as you can, and keep them in mind.

I'm not sure if that actually answered the question. Well, don't reply in a line or two if it keeps ending on an awkward note after your contribution. If you can't think of anything to say and are getting embarrassed, don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Smile, and think for a moment (not too long, lol) and try to say something which will lead to further discussion, or reply with a simple, "yes" or "not really" then ask the same question of the speaker. Don't be afraid to think for a few seconds before speaking. If you try to answer quickly, what you say may be a dead end.

And don't keep thinking your talk will be boring to them. If you think that, whatever you say will be delivered in a hesitant or apologetic tone, which can make the most gripping conversational contribution seem unimportant. Deliver what you have to say confidently - show everybody that you are interesting, you have interesting things to say, you are a leader. Chances are you'll find that the things you say really do sound more interesting. This will prompt people to develop your point, to ask you further questions on what you have just said. If you let them do all the talking you're sending out the message, "Um, well ... I'm shy ... I'm uninteresting ... I can't think what to say so I'll let this person do it all". Try to insert comments or develop their point when they've finished (don't interrupt and go off on one in the middle of their story, wait till they've made their point)

But above all, try not to think "I must remember all these tips and apply them." Be yourself. Everyone is unique and interesting - you just need to let it show.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't know how old you are but I kind of felt the same way. I was lucky and married a man that seem to know a little about every thing. He had friends that he took debate with. We were all newly weds and entertained each other. The guy's would pick a subject to debate and tossed a coin as to what side they would take. I felt over whelmed by all this so I decided I would try to learn all I could about the topics of the day. I read the newspaper, watched TV. I went to the library and sat for hours looking up info on lists that I made. It took time but the more informed I became the more I felt assertive enough to add to the conversation.

There is a book that I recommend. It's called The Incomplete Education. It's very informative.

If you know your subject well it will come naturally and in time you will be able to converse with anyone about every thing. Well, almost everything.

Answer 3

Step one: Identify the Problem or lack of Problems.

You're an Introvert, of which the best definition I know of is, Extroverts gain energy and a sense of well-being from large groups of people. An Introvert feels lessened(drained) or less energy in a large group and does best in small groups, or when they have a chance to "recharge their batteries."

Step two: Overcome and Adapt
Most Introverts gather around them a small, close group of people they feel good around. Often, these are Extroverts like themselves. Build relationships you are comfortable with, and always strive to add people to your collection of friends. As you develop these friendships, you'll gradually find more comfortable ways to integrate into larger groups without feeling exposed or superficial.

Step Three: give yourself time and patience to grow up and adapt to larger groups. Anxiety is often characterized as a lack of patience or a sense of urgency. Anxiety is largely involuntary, but rationalizing the Anxiety can and often does help to alleviate the symptoms. The more comfortable you feel in each situation helps you gain a foot hold on those you face the next time. Build positive outcomes, and the next situation will be colored by that pallette.

Step Four: When in doubt, listen and make conversational conceits to make certain you listen actively. Ask Questions that assist the person you're talking to, to effectively communicate.
The more successful that person is in talking to you, the more successful your relationship with them can become.

Answer 4

Okay, I understand where you're coming from, as I have been there myself. What you need to do first and foremost is realize that the odds are that at least one person in a group of people is going to be bored by something you have to say. This is not to say that what you have to talk about isn't interesting, far from it. You could be talking about the most interesting thing in the world and it won't matter one iota to someone who isn't interested in that particular topic. What you need to do is put yourself out there, completely.
Talk about the things that interest you most. You'll see by the way the conversation plays out who is interested and who isn't. (unless they're pretentious and really good at being pretentious, in which case you'll never really know until much later) What you are trying to do here is to see who is interested in what. You need to find things that you are interested in that other people are interested in, and talk about those things in their presence.
A good conversation always comes from mutual interest. Your job is to assess your interests and to match them to a person (or group of people) without compromising your own ideals.
Wooh, that was a mouthful. Email me if you need support. Good luck!

Answer 5

hi,
i also faced the same problem. it is nothing but a manifestation of your 'too cautiousness'. do one thing..think a topic, whatever it may be, like get to gather on an occasion....and talk to yourself before a mirror. do it every day. read news paper regularly and try to express your own thoughts regarding the breaking news...share with ur parents or bosom friends...practice thses two tips for 15 days and notice the change....

dont forget to mail me :-)

Answer 6

You must take keen interest in people around you. You must put effort to know more people and to like them for what they are. Next get to know yourself, and like yourself. Lastly, know it that conversation is a very important part of getting to know people. It is no exaggeration to say that people develop a liking for you for your conversation. good Conversation forms part of your personality, and it is very important to develop this skill. Once you are convinced and you like the people, like yourself and like conversing with people, there is no limit. Anything can happen. You can fall in love in a jiffy, unexpectedly. you can make deals worth millions, just like that. everything is possible, you are welcome everywhere.

Answer 7

Start tape recording your conversations. you will yourself find the answer to question how to improve.

Answer 8

Details....but to many... meaning you need to add it to your conversations.

Answer 9

If you are skilled at conversation