I wrote this poem a while ago...its about someone that i know..and its also bout the quiet sadness people feel inside them sometimes...i havent really done the feeling justice in my words, but hey i tried..so i hope you´ll like it. Thanks for reading. :)
Coffee and Chocolates
And when you’re falling you can see
Everything feels like a memory
Close your eyes to stop the tears
Cuz you’re afraid someone might see
And you swallow the hurt from all the years
You tried to leave behind
And it’s not perfect
And no one sees
When you’re falling you can see
There’s nothing left but a memory
The waitress smiles as she passes
Serving people who don’t really see her
Trying to be all she can be
It’s just serving coffee
But it’s her world and no one cares
It’s hard to gets by just through the day
And it would kill you to smile back today
And it’s not perfect
And no one sees
When you’re falling you can see
There’s nothing left but a memory
2007-01-07 21:33:00 · 11 answers · asked by Jaded 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
The clock strikes 10
Its time to go back
Back to that job you hate
You can’t find anything else anyway
It’s funny that no one sees your beauty
Everything is such a superficial lie
And they just believe in what hey read
Things printed in black and white
And they can’t; they don’t
See what’s right in front of their eyes
And it’s not perfect
And no one sees
When you’re falling you can see
There’s nothing left but a memory.
2007-01-07 21:33:12 · update #1
lol Barney The Serial Killer. Im sorry i dont know who Don Juan is, but i can promise you i didnt steal it from anyone. =)
2007-01-07 21:35:36 · update #2
Hey salem, its funny but those are 2 of the points in the poem that i was also skeptical about...i was struggling with the words and i wasnt sure if people would understand what i meant if i didnt make it so detailed...so thank you so much for giving your opinion and you advice, i appreciate it alot. =)
2007-01-07 21:45:56 · update #3
i love this one this is a good one i can relast to this thank you putting this out here so i caould read it i cryed when i read it good job LOVED IT
2007-01-07 21:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by ASHLEY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this manner... You don't seem to be the one guy on this planet she reveals lovely. It simply so occurs that she seems like you're cozy ample with your self while she will be able to let you know anything like that and no longer be stricken through it. When it involves stuff like that, do not permit it trouble you when you consider that you're simply losing it slow. Now if she begins announcing, "I'd **** his brains out" then you definately will have to begin annoying. But till then, its simply an blameless remark that she made to you when you consider that she feels that you're cozy ample to manage it.
2016-09-03 18:04:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good, I suggest not be so detailed but have readers have to imply more that something happening. meaning like take out the time...for instance or the word serving, things like...hope this helps make you become a better lyricist
2007-01-07 21:37:07 · answer #3 · answered by salem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Job! I liked it..Keep up the good work
2007-01-07 22:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is nice. But can be better. Just try. Keep it up!
2007-01-07 21:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by Swati 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stole that from don juan
2007-01-07 21:34:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really nice, keep up the good work
2007-01-07 21:38:06 · answer #7 · answered by tkay. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very talented. Keep writing.
2007-01-07 21:39:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice!
2007-01-07 21:35:12 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice.
2007-01-07 21:34:34 · answer #10 · answered by scooprandell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋