teenage daughters and sex?

Question

i was cleaning my recently turned 15 yr old daughters room and found condoms and lubrier cant. She has a bf whom she has been seeing for quite a while. what do you do when you discover that your so called angel is having sex. i dont know how to confront her. please help

Answer 1

Talk to her like an adult & be "matter of fact" about it. Be glad she *IS* using condoms, talk to her about reponsibility, pregnancy, STD's, love, when to NOT have sex (if she is unsure about it at all) & that sort of thing. Ask her if there is anything she wants to ask you or talk about & let her know that you would prefer her to be honest & open about you with that sort of thing.
She is still your "angel", she is just growing up. 15 is pretty much average for girls losing their virginity & the most you can do is make sure she is being responsible about it. I'm sure you have been in her position & think about how you felt (or would have felt) in that situation at her age.

It may be an embarrassing conversation but it is one that is needed to be had.
Perhaps you could start the conversation by saying something like..." I was tidying your room & I found something..." Chances are she will know what your about to say.

Good luck!

Edited to say: Paul S, if you seriously think your daughter isn't going to have a bf before she is 18 then you are seriously mistaken - she will do it & probably more, but without you knowing, which is not wise, as that is how kids don't become educated on the issue & unwanted pregnancies etc occur. When you were a kid & you were told you weren't allowed to do something, didn't it make it more exciting, fun & enticing? If you drill into your kids that they aren't allowed to do something, they are more likely to rebel & do it. should know, I was a teenage girl myself once! Tennagers need educated on sex/love etc - if they want to have sex, they will find a way to do it without you knowing. They are going to do it with or without your consent. At least if they are educated on it then they should make good decisions.
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Answer 2

First thing you need to do is realize that, just like every other human being, you can't control your daughter's actions. All we can really do with children is hope we've set a good example and laid down the ground rules of morals and conduct.

Don't be angry with her. You allowed your daughter date at at least 14. Why are you surprised she's having sex? If you'd made her wait until she was 16, you'd be finding her stash when she was 17. Still not great, but a little more mature.

Well, there's nothing you can do about it now. If you try to make her stop dating, or having sex, you're only going to create problems by trying to control what you've allowed all along. Just keep being the "I'm too cool to tell you what to do" parent, and get her to a doctor for an exam and some reliable birth control. Commend her for using condoms, and make sure she understands they should ALWAYS be used, regardless of any other birth control method.

Answer 3

This is in no way a "smarta*s" response, this is coming from a counselor at a teen runaway shelter, so take the advice or leave it.

Write out a letter to her and leave it on her bed. Make sure to point out the pros and cons of the decisions she's making. DO NOT PUNISH HER FOR THIS, she'll be scarred for life about anything sexual for the rest of her life, the last thing she needs is to be humiliated and to feel ashamed about something that is a natural human instinct.

Tell her if she insists on doing the deed, she must do it under your roof WITH the necessary precautions taken....it's better than her and him scrounging for somewhere to have sex, like a dirty alley. Make sure she has an ample supply of the necessary birth control methods...condoms, spermicidal lubricant, etc. If she's going to insist on swimming, you'd better make sure to at least teach her how so she doesn't get physically hurt. Too many parents out there take the opposite course of action and the teens rebel, putting themselves in health danger. Misinformation or no information at all is the worst thing any parent can give to their children as far as sex goes. Put aside the modesty for the sake of your kids, they'll grow up to be adults with a healthier outlook on this subject.

Answer 4

Take her to the doctor and get her regular PAP smears, STI testing and on the pill. Condoms are good for STI protection, but the pill is best for pregnancy protection especially if used in combination with condoms. Your daughter's behaviour is age appropriate, so don't freak out and act like what she is doing is wrong. Just help her be responsible about it.

Answer 5

just tell her your feelings and have a talk about the importance of making the right choices.

let her do a lot of the talking so she doesn't feel like she's being lectured.

one of the best things, i think, would be to keep the channels of communication ALL the time, and check up on how happy she is with him, how life is with her friends, and hard decisions she has made recently. Tell her things you have observed about her that you think were good decisions she made, and tell her why. Express hope that you want her to keep making good choices in the future because you love her and want the best for her.

Answer 6

You could approch her in a non threatening way. Do not take off on a rampage with her. Just tell her you were cleaning out her room & this is what you found & you just a bit worried & concerned as to what they doing in her room.

Do not come off as been upset of start shouting at her. Because even if she is having any sexual activites atleast you know she is using condoms & taking some kind of protection.

I am not sure if your daughter does get upset when you go into her room & clean if for her. i know most teenage girls hate it when there mothers come into there rooms & start cleaning it.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Let Her Know That You Know She Is Having Sex For One. Then Let Her Know How Proud You Are She Is Protecting Herself Some What.However She Really Needs To Know Condoms Aren't Enough If She Is Ganna Do it. But Also Let Her Know Your Disappointed In Her That Shes To Young For Sex And I Would Beat Her For Doing It In My House..Good Luck!

Answer 8

You are lucky that she is using condoms. That means she is protecting herself not only from unwanted pregnancy but also from possible deseases. How to handle it?It will depend on your relationship with her. Is it open and friendly or not. If yes, then discuss it with her and let her know that her education at this age is far more important, hence she should not destroyed her future. She should be more responsible for herself. If your relationship with her is not open and friendly, then find someone with whom she has that kind of relationship to discuss it with her. But one thing you must not do is to create confrantation with her.

Answer 9

Why confront? I'm assuming the bf is in the same age bracket.
Seriously, now. Your daughter could be irresponsible, and have unprotected sex. But she isn't- she takes precautions.

You may not like it. Fine- you don't have to. But at least have the decency to respect your daughters decision, and acknowledge that she is acting responsibly.

Answer 10

she is using condoms she is better than others girls that don't care about that so you can't stop it but just set her dawn and tell her do you have those condoms just in case of any thing or did you use them and tell her to use them all the time if she told you that she is having s-ex if not that's it you can't do a thing.

p.s it's really a good thing that she is using condoms