Am I wrong for not wanting my 18 year old son's girlfriend to stay overnight?

Question

I also have a 14 year old daughter. This girl SUPPOSEDLY sleeps downstairs and he sleeps upstairs. I wasn't born yesterday. I think the condom in the toilet was a little obvious, too! HOW does my husband accept this and why am I the bad guy for saying something and not ignoring it????

Answer 1

It is your house your rules...plain and simple. As for your husband he's probably proud of his son for being a "stud". You're right to consider the effect of this on your younger daughter. Simply tell your son you will not allow him to have sex under your roof, and the girlfriend leaves by a certain set time each night. PERIOD

Answer 2

you are definitely not wrong. while you are making a good example and setting some boundaries, if you've already found the condom, etc., and even if not, there is a good chance your son is having sex with his girlfriend anyway. but allowing her to stay over (whether she really is downstairs or not) is signaling that you are OK with the implications; by showing that you are not, your son will realize that sex is something he should be careful with and concerned about and not participate in recklessly, because he'll at least have in the back of his mind (even if it's the very far back) that his mom would kill him if she knew what he was doing.

your husband probably accepts it, because he remembers exactly what it was like to be an 18 year old boy and might have some sense of pride/nonchalance about it accepting that boys will be boys.

Answer 3

I don't think you are wrong at all.

My father once told me - and in jest as it should be taken - "If the back seat of the car was good enough for us, then it's good enough for you too!"

But the point is made. It is YOUR house, you have every right - regardless of his age - to expect your son to respect your wishes. It may not bother dad because he's just not thinking about it- it's a non-issue to him.. But if it bothers you, then you DO have a right to put your foot down about it and say no.

I personally back you all the way - I have two almost the same age, and I'm of the attitude that as long as it is my house, you will indeed abide by my rules. What you do when you get out on your own is up to you until then, tough.

(Just as an aside, I was 26, a parent, divorced and visiting with my not yet husband. We were made to sleep separate beds. Standards don't ease just because of age. Stil your house, still your rules. And yes, they do let me sleep in the same bed with him now - I married him, after all! LOL!)

Answer 4

You're not wrong in the least. I believe you have a right to be suspicious of this sleepover. It's very possible that your son and his girlfriend plan on doing "something" else less innocent. After all, what if they plan on slipping somewhere that's more private? As for your husband, he may either be totally blind to the possibility of something else going, trying to be seen as more cool, or may not even care.

Just because you're acting on your instincts doesn't make you the bad guy. Good luck and be strong!

Answer 5

Stick to your guns, you are not the bad guy. However, if you are embarrassing your son in front of everyone, then stop it. Throwing a fit doesn't help at all.

When things are calmer, take your son aside and tell him that this is the rule for your house, and he has a responsibility to his younger sister as well. Tell him that if you are going to trust him and his g/f in this situation, then their behavior must be worth that trust.

Frankly, he's 18, what he does sexually is his business. What he does in your home is yours. He has a choice.

If I were you, I would simply tell your husband that when your daughter is of dating age, and asks to have her b/f's stay over, you are going to to use his approval of his son having sex in your house as approval for your daughter to do the same, and he had best remember that it was his idea.

Also, be happy they are using a condom, its better than nothing.

Answer 6

I thought most women had more control over their homes than this. Of course she shouldn't stay if it offends your morals, even though your son is of legal age. But the only real right he has because he is 18, is that he has the right to get the hell out of your house and pay his own way; then he has the right to have over whomever he please and you can't say a thing.
I think your husband is indirectly abusing your 14 year old daughter, that's what I think, about allowing this to go on. These thoughts are old fashioned so many won't agree; but in my home, I'm the boss.

Answer 7

my english are not very good but as I am a mother of two children 24 and 22 years old and my son did the same every almost every weekend (my husband was proud with his son because he had a girlfried and not a boyfried) I advised him to respect her sister.Some weekends her girlfried's parents invited him in their house because they loved him and they wanted to know the boyfried of their only daughter. I dont know who is wrong because itdepents from the sircumstanses from the danger if you leave in a big city like Athens with mafia and drugs and you afraid to leave the childrens to have unknown frieds or girlfriends or boyfriends.
I was feeling security to see him in my house.
Perhaps it was wrong because when the moment of University came and he left I knew that Icould'nt protect him all his life.
Now about your problem try to do it smaller.
Think that you son is very happy to keep this girl in his arms.He feels strong. Perhaps they dont do sex yet.But if they do it, its better to be alone without his sister in the same room. Dont make your son to feel that he has to face an enemy in his own house.Dont lose your patience.

Answer 8

wow, im surprised so many people agree with you honestly. first off, is his gf over 18? or underage? i'd have to say you're not wrong, but you may want to back off. for one, hes an adult and responsible for his own decisions. i dont know if you charge him rent or not, but if you do, thats all the more reason you have to give him his privacy as he is paying for that room then. next, if you find a condom, be happy they're having safe sex, they could just go do it in the back seat of his or his gf's car (or even one of their best friends). and the 14 year old daughter, shes not an idiot, she knows what sex is at that age, only thing i'd worry about is her accidentally walking in on them in which case, she'll turn around and leave real fast, thats not something she WANTS to stick around to watch.

Answer 9

First of all thanks for being a good mother, let nothing wither your perceptions and beliefs towards what's good and bad in life.
There is this new crop of parents which is coming up that can not even discipline their kids cause of the 'love', damn them!
Discipline your kids with love and they will learn to respect you even when they grow up, thereby leading to a respectable society with morals which is a rare thing in our generation.
At 18 & 14 might be to late to discipline and you can only talk to them, but they are still your children even at 40 and the sancity of your home should always remain!
They can bring their friends to your house cause you want to know who your kids are relating to but let them do their thing out of your vicinity as possible!
You should not even know that they are doing it!

Answer 10

The day you let her stay, you have lost your mind. How can she even ask, my mother will kill me if she knows that I brought mi girl to her house, and I won't even have the guts to ask her. Even now that I am 29 I wouldn't bring my girlfriend to stay overnight in my mothers house. I lived 13 years by myself, and I would not disrespect a woman bringing her to my apartment. Sex is sacred but is loosing its meaning by kids and adults using their bodies as a toy for pleasure.