my husband cheated on me a week before he purposed. should i forgive him?

Question

i didn't find out until 7 months after the incident (and i found out on my own). Until i found out, he was also still talking to the girl after we got married. it's been almost 2 weeks since the discovery of my husband's infidelity and even though it was before everything was official, i still feel betrayed and he killed the trust i had for him. i have no idea whether or not he did this more than once, because he's been away for training in the army since the begining of our relationship. should i forgive him and just move on (although it's hard)? i'm a really easy going girl and i still love him...he's my husband. and please....DON'T SAY DIVORCE OR SEPERATE BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT

Answer 1

Hi- well my husband and I got married june 05 and I found out last july that he had cheated on me a couple weeks before our wedding (so kind of like the same situation as you). Anyway- I found out, and I left for a couple days (just to get my head on straight and breathe for a little while), and I came back to him and decided to forgive him (that took awhile and sometimes I still have a little trouble trusting him). I know that he did it only that once, and I really don't think he'll do it again. That saying "once a cheater always a cheater", is not always true. Try forgiving him and talking it all out, and giving him another chance. If he does it again, you may want to make a big decision. Good luck, hope all works out.

Answer 2

Depends on the depth of the cheating and the confidence you can have that the cheating is really over. If he was still talking to that girl, it may not have been - and of course he would have said nothing was happening with her to save face.
If you won't seperate or consider divorce, you have to find a way to forgive him - but that doesn't mean let him off the hook completely. There is a difference between being easygoing and a doormat. You know him better than anyone else, theoretically at least. Use whatever way works best to let him know this is not OK and how close he came to losing you. Cheating right before the marriage almost invalidates it in my mind. It's like playing cards with someone who's got another deck under the table - you think you are playing fair, but they've been cheating the whole time and you only find out after you've already lost everything.
One thing I will say - do not punish him too much. Otherwise he will start associating you with punishment. Really, in these situations, I would usually say get some space because that seems to be the most effective way to deal with cheaters - they need time to step back and think about what they did, and they don't have to if you are still around. If you aren't into legal seperation, what about taking a seperate vacation? Or a non legal seperation?
Good luck, and I hope you feel better.

Answer 3

Then can I say you should never trust the guy again? He did not confess to you so there's no remorse there. You found out by yourself. Once a cheat, always a cheat?? So if you have to stay with him you need to get serious and take medical precautions and I mean right down to the raincoat or the guy will give you more than babies. STD's sound pretty bad!! You can also decide whether to keep a watch on him or play dumb. Rehearse your forgiveness scenes too. You better not ever let him hit you Kiddo!! If THAT ever happens you raise Holy Hell the very first time or you're lost. He doesn't deserve your loyalty but that's his license to cheat. Sorry. Good Luck Honey. You are gonna need it.

Answer 4

Do you want to live wandering "what if I found someone better" for the rest of your life? Honey, if he cheated, "once cheater, always a cheater"! I am not trying to scare you or anything, but come on! Give yourself some respect and say "no, you cheated on me and is not going to happen again and this is how is not going to happen again (ask for divorce). It is really hard to let go of someone that has been your partner, etc. for quite sometime, especially if you are "officially" together. But regardless of the formality of a relationship, is still cheating. He betrayed your trust, integrity and respect!
Give yourself some respect. If you don't have kids, it will be easier, but trust me you will find someone who will love you, respect you in every possible way that a woman deserves to be treated.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry your heart is broken. I was hurt many times and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You should ask him if you all can get some marriage therapy. If he says no to the therapy then you might want to try therapy yourself. They can teach you how to look the other way the next time he does this again. At some point you have to stand up for yourself and please don't have a baby , thinking that's going to make him be closer to you. If he's still talking to this girl than his respect for you is not there. I'm saying to do all you can to save the marriage,But remember AIDS and STD are still out there and while you are being faithful, you are being put in danger. Trust me. If he's still talking to her, he's still sleeping with her. Maybe you should ask her, What does it feel like to mess with another woman's husband? She probably tell you all kinds of things he have said so please get your heart ready to hear the worst. It's OK to be easy going, but don't be misused either. You have feelings just like your soldier boy and the Jezebel. Protect your heart and good luck to you.

Answer 6

well, since you've said you dont believe in divorce or seperation, i guess you have nothing to do BUT forgive him. i however, believe that cheating is never acceptable. would you rather believe in cheating? or divorce? its a choice you gotta make hun. do you wanna live the rest of your life with a man that didn't care enough that he cheated with another woman? if you let him off the hook, it'll always, always, always be in the back of your mind. you might think you forgive him, but you won't! when he goes out with a female coworker or "just a friend", you will have suspicions. no doubt about it. you will be jealous of every female he meets. i live with parents like this and its sometimes not easy! but it was choice they made. sorry this happened to you hun! its horrible, but i really hope you can respect yourself enough to leave him and find a man that would NEVER do something so horrible to you!

Answer 7

Go for marriage counselling with him. I dont believe in divorce or separation either but if he doesnt regret or even say sorry too you, whats the point to keep sharing life w him? he sounds like a horrible liar and selfish man for me! Will you be happy, can you learn to trust him again? He cheated on you rite before u get married& still in touch w this woman, for Gods sake.

You should sit down and tell him: what will you feel if im the one who is cheating on you & u only find out by urself? Im hurt, thanks to you. What do you want to do now?
Listen to his reply then and see how much effort is he going to give to save ur marriage.

Answer 8

i'm sorry but if he did it then he most likely has done it again and will most likely continue. you definatlly have to talk to him about it and find out why he does it. I'm sure he does love you but maybe you don't fill his every need. does he do it for the thrill, because you arn't sexually satisfying? who knows until you ask. i could never ever be with someone who has cheated on me, because it gets easier eveytime they do it. And he didn't tell you after it happened. you don't deserve to be walked over. if you want to make it work you might ask him what the circumstances would be for him not to cheat on you. i think trust and honesty are the most important aspects of a relationship and he has failed both. I wouldn't stay with him, but that is your choice. This relationship has the potenial to be very self destructive. wouldn't it suck for the rest of your life to constantly be wondering if the person you love most is faithful to you or not!? It would drive me crazy! i admire your love though, but you shouldn't rule out a divorce.

Answer 9

If separation or divorce are both out of the question, then
forgiveness is a must. If not, you'll both go on being married
and miserable. However, your husband needs to grow up and
appreciate you and respect your marriage vows.

Answer 10

guess you have to forgive and forget. if you really love him and dont want to seperate or divorce then forgive him and let it go