BDSM in marriage?

Question

I'm really into it, and I've been trying to introduce it to my husband, but it seems as if he has no interest in it whatsoever. It's been a few months now and I'm getting frustrated. Any suggestions?

We've definately had talked about it before, and I totally respect how he feels, cause I wouldn't want to be pushed into something either. I kno part of the problem may be that I feel shy telling him these things, and he's not the best communicator in the world (not like I am myself lol)

Answer 1

Most people aren't into the pain that goes with BDSM...but I think if you really open up and tell him how turned on you are by it he might get into the fringe of it with you....it's worth a try..........

Answer 2

The acronym of BDSM actually represents several subcategories, and it's difficult to really answer your question without knowing which appeal to you. However, BDSM in itself mainly is represented by the three categories that make up the acronym (yes, three). These are...... bondage/discipline (BD)..... Dominance and submission (DS)..... and sadism/masochism (SM). I'll give you a short answer based on each of these.

Bondage/discipline - Start small. Perhaps ask him to hold down your arms during intimacy so you are effectively pinned by him. Silk scarves are also a lightweight method of bondage that has a certain romance about them. For discipline scenes, joking that something you did deserves a spanking, and then presenting yourself for said spanking, could coax some playfulness from him. A naughty schoolgirl outfit could also coax the stern principal out of him. ;)

Dominance/submission - Try showing submission in little ways and see if he acts on it. Without telling him that you're doing it, defer to him at times when you might normally make a decision on your own. Walk behind him instead of in front or beside him, unless he asks you to do different, and then obey. If he's the sort of man that could be better walked into it if it's presented as a sexual kink, try coming to him in revealing lingerie and a leash, putting the leash in his hand to be led to bed. If you build his confidence slowly, then he'll soon assume the kind of control that you want.

Sadism/masochism - If he's afraid of hurting you, there are ways of easing that fear of his until he's ready to play a bit harder with you. Start with something lightweight. I recommend spanking, since the bottom can take a lot of punishment, and looking at your backside the entire time would be another perk for him. (Plus, this is my kink of choice, so I could talk about spankings all day.) Have him start out slowly, so he knows that he's not hurting you, then slowly have him build up steam. If he's still a bit slow, nudge him playfully with comments to let him know that you can handle more. When in doubt, telling a guy that he spanks like a girl should get a firmer response from him. ;) Be sure to keep eye contact. Let him see your smile and hear any vocalizations that you make. These will let him know that you're not only okay, but are enjoying what he's doing. This will give him the confidence to be a bit harder with you.

That's about all that I can add. If you can give better examples of what you want from your husband, then you might consider asking the question again with more details. Or, if you want, you may contact me through messenger and I'll help if I can.

Answer 3

i've seen lots of good answers here and can only agree with some of them...

start small and innocent.. lil things.. like.. mmms i love it when you hold my arms down when we are making love.. it makes me feel held close and loved even more... or a romantic candle-lit naughty night with silk scarves etc... if its the submission you crave... tell Him how happy it makes you to do special lil things for HIM... ie... get Him a drink... make dinner.. do dishes... yeah i know not always a FUN part lol.. but it does make an impression.

the biggest thing is communication .. but again start small ... think of something you really would like.. then back up like three steps from it.. if you want a spanking .. try purring in pleasure next time he pats your butt or something like that...

a site that introduces a BDSM relationship in a gentler way is Taken in Hand ... its about Domestic Dominance... perhaps you can get some good ideas or some good reading for Him ...

http://www.takeninhand.com/

good luck!!

~lorelei~

Answer 4

It can be very frustrating and unfilling when you feel a need so deeply and your partner is seemingly not willingy to satisfy that need. I would recommend communicating openly and honestly with your spouse about what it is you want and how you feel. You could do some research on line and send some information to him in emails. There are also some really good books and websites available as well.
L.

Answer 5

Some people just are not into it. No amount of begging or coaxing will "flip their nickel" into your fetish. Talk to your husband during a neutral time, and be ready to answer any questions he may have. Tell him in what ways this activity is important to you. In the end if he says no, then you must respect his wish, and cope w/o this activity in your life. It's the same as if he had asked something of you that you found repugnant. If you said no, then he must respect your wishes too.

Answer 6

Bah I have the same problem with my girlfriend. I really like BDSM but she's not into it. Unfortuntally for me right before we started dating (we were friends first) she was with an abusive asshole that really hurt her. Stay stayed around because she liked him. So now I'm sort of screwed.

She told me I can do that sort of stuff with another girl if I want, but I'm afraid that if I take her up on her offer I'll end up hurting her emotionally.

Answer 7

If you are into bondage, then there are little things you can do for yourself. Buy clothes that are tight and constrictive, longer leather or denim skirts. When alone you might lay out a sheet and roll yourself up in it tight, then do the housework. Then there's always the straight out lies, "Here, honey, wrap me up in this roll of glad wrap for a while, maybe lay me on the floor between you and the TV while WE watch the next show--it is good for my complexion." And, of course there are the little things, like sit on the floor next to his chair and imagine yourself chained, always want to be on bottom but stretch your hands up high to hold the headboard like they are tied there. Here's one my wife does sometimes and she wouldn't publicly admit that she is into it, but if she is without a bra and pulls up her top but conveniently 'gets stuck', then I go for her. She giggles and makes like a struggle and moans most pleasantly after she insists I go ahead while she figures out how to get the shirt untangled. He'll get the hint, and probably love it afterwards. So start small and 'innocently'.

Answer 8

I think you guys need to compromise on this issue because it is something you want and it seems like it is important to you. I would think that something like this would come up before a marriage but maybe if you guys set up some rules and guidelines he might atleast try it. Maybe try some small role-play? SOmething not quite as drastic. I wish you luck.

Answer 9

If he hasn't tried yet, ask him his fantasy, and try his if he'll try your's. if he tries it, the pleasure may over rule the prude preconcieved notions he has about it. Ease him in to it gently,a little OTK, tell him exactly what you want, and give him a lot of positive feedback. It can be intimidating stuff, but don't ever let him kill your sex drive because he's uncomfortable with it.

Answer 10

Try introducing it _REAL_ slow.

For example, ask him to hold both your hands in one of his next time you get "wild" and to not let go.

Please don't surprise him with a "gift". It'll have to be his gift to you, not the other way around, until he is much more comfortable with it.