I think I have met a man that is into domination. Before sex, he tied my hands so I couldn't get loose, and then proceeded to tell me that I had to ask permission for certain things, or else I would be punished more. He didn't get rough with me or anything, I just thought the whole thing was a little wierd. Does anyone like this stuff? If so, how do I learn how to be submissive? I am used to being the dominant one with my partners.
2007-01-07 16:18:45 · 9 answers · asked by mimi g 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You have to do what you're comfortable with and make sure that you only practice when you're comfortable. Some couples RARELY break character, even in their daily lives. Make sure you have a code word that you can use if things get out of hand (my wife and I use Janet Reno as our code word). Being submissive is actually the easier part. Just do nothing unless you are told to and look down at all times. Don't do anything you aren't told to, or you could get "punished."
2007-01-07 16:22:30 · answer #1 · answered by It's Me 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I live a D/s lifestyle with my collared submissive. I have been involved in BDSM for several decades, and am a sexual Sadist.
What you described is NOT Domination and submission. Do some exploring on the web, in your own community or simply keyword BDSM on Amazon and you will find a ton of reading material.
What you will find is that while D/s looks different on everyone, SSC is the community standard across the world. Safe, Sane and CONSENTUAL.
What happened to you was not consentual, unless you talked about what was going to happen and what was not going to happen BEFORE you engaged in it. What you experienced was abuse.
If you are going to see this person again, be very clear with him that you are not completely comfortable with what happened, and you want to talk about why he didn't ask you first. A submissive is not a doormat, a submissive is someone who chooses to submit, but if the choice is taken away, then we are talking about rape.
Depending on where you are in the country, you should have a wide range of options as far as leather, fetish and bdsm communities and activies. This is a wonderful lifestyle that speaks to the very soul of those involved. It's very different than kinky sex play, which is fun in its own right but not D/s.
Educate yourself, and do not ever put yourself in such a dangerous positon again. Think about it, exactly how did you know he was not a serial killer? You don't know that for sure, and you just took a chance with your life.
2007-01-07 16:44:30 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dominance and submission are not really things that you can learn, as they're basically personality traits. If you're not naturally submissive, then that's just not who you are. However, that doesn't mean that you can't be the recipient of this kind of play. I'm guessing that this play doesn't extend outside of the bedroom or outside of specific scenes. This would fall under the heading of Topping and bottoming, instead of Dominance and submission. To define these terms......
To Top means to assume the active position in a session or scene, performing the actions. To be Dominant means to assert control as a part of a person's personality and on a broader basis than simply a session or scene, and often as a lifestyle.
To bottom means to assume the passive position in a session or scene, receiving the actions. To be submissive means to surrender control as a part of a person's personality and on a broader basis than simply a session or scene, and often as a lifestyle.
If this play doesn't extend outside of the bedroom or for short periods of time, then Topping and bottoming is what is taking place. If that's the case, then it will be much simpler if you really want to put your trust in him to do these things to you. While a submissive submits her will to the Dominant, a bottom only subjects her mind and body to the temporary whims of the Top, and can remove that consent at a moment's notice.
Educate yourself on BDSM. There are several well-written books on the subject. Try looking up Greenery Press. Their educational line of BDSM books are the best that I know of.
2007-01-11 15:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by baka_otaku30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you're asking is how to become a 'switch' - someone who can assume the role of a dom or a sub...
And if you're not familiar with the culture you can get into trouble. I'd suggest getting more information on the BDSM culture - there is a lot of information online, and you can acquire specialty books on the subject as well.
There are also individuals who provide training (most do NOT provide any sexual services) in the lifestyle.
Most communities have a sub community of BDSM participants.
Anyone can learn. Just remember ONE thing.
Always have a safe word! always always always...
-dh
2007-01-07 16:26:58 · answer #4 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
surely examine 50 colorings of gray or google like "the thank you to have a dom/sub relationship" or something like that. only be certain you have a safeword and additionally you make certain once you are going to have a dom/sub relationship outdoors and interior the mattress room or only interior. you adult adult males might desire to have a protracted communicate too approximately alll this and notice what you the two are delicate with.
2016-10-30 07:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a great websites for D/s's that you can learn to explore that part of your relationship safely and with common respect.
It can be quite freeing to be submissive actually.
Check out this site:
http://www.castlerealm.com/
It's a great resource site for this type of exploration.
...and yes, I have been in those types of relationships, on both sides. It's interesting and fun, but I don't live the "lifestyle" as I have other priorities in my life. But it's definitely worth a "look see."
2007-01-07 16:37:43 · answer #6 · answered by DEATH 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am very submissive and been in a sub/dom relationship online havent been in one offline :(
my boyfriend isnt to dominate but we play a little with bondage tieing up spankings ect
i like being a submissive its so easy, very fun and its sso sexy to me to give that much power to one person
i do have a safe word and i make sure i tell my limits up front
theres alot of stuff in bdsm you should read stuff on the net and see what you think you might like and what you dont like
maybe your a swich?
i like the bdsmlibrary.com site
www.bdsmlibrary.com/academ
and this site is good for reading up on stuff i like the quizzes and they have alot of info
http://www.erotic-bdsm.net/
2007-01-07 21:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by luscious kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes. it's soooo hot!!!
you can't learn to BE submissive, you can't learn to BE dominant. You can be a switch and go back and forth. but if this thrill of this behaviour isn't in your phsyce, then it's not you.
There are LOTS of educational groups around that will teach you how to do things safely.
http://www.br.org
http://www.bess-md.org
tom
2007-01-08 01:15:15 · answer #8 · answered by a1tommyL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am definately the dominant one and my wife loves it.
2007-01-07 19:01:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋