I have a great and supportive husband. We have been together for 12 year- but lived apart for 5 years due to jobs. He is the only man I had ever been intimate with. Then in 2005- I met someone - who was married and was trying to get to know me. I would say that I am not interested but he would not take 'no' for an answer. Sadly, I gave in and we started to have an affair. (My first one and his third). A few months later his wife found out after reading one of my e-mail where I stated I loved him. She threated to divorce him, which she eventually did. In the mean time, he started becoming very abusive towards me- beating, forcing himself on me, and trying his luck with other girls (infront of me). I though it was because he blamed me for what was happening to his marriage- but he said no. Now we are apart, due to jobs, and I am trying to rebuild my life. My hubby does not know- but suspects and is trying to be supportive. However, I can not competely let go from the other man. Why?
2007-01-07 15:31:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hello Kilter and everyone else who has taken the time to answer my question.
Kilter: you asked how do I let myself get beated- because- the first time it happened he said he was very sorry and I believed him. The second time he told me it was my fault for getting him angry but he said sorry and I again belived him. After that he just said I deserved it (no sorry).
You wondered how my hubby did not notice my bruises- because we would see each other only once a month. Other people, who saw me more often asked why my arm/leg was bruised- but it is so easy to say this was caused by moving furniture/playing sports etc..
Also, my hubby suspects my 'relationship' because I became/ am emotionally attached to this other guy. I wish I were making this up because I am ashamed of my actions as my hubby is a great man and loves me alot.
2007-01-07 16:25:41 · update #1
this other man did not respect you... He used you for what ever he wanted too... maybe you just feel that since you screwd around on your hubby that you dont' deserve any better... and guilt is tearing you apart especially if your hubby is a good man... you have to decide if you can live with what you done... and nobody makes anybody do anything...we all have minds of our own...
2007-01-07 15:37:52 · answer #1 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Pooja B!!!
What ever that man did to you, is totally unaceptable. You are lucky your husband loves you , respects you, and you are still alive.
If you fill like that you need to see a counselor or a mental health professional. NO OFENSE!!! There are too many good things that you are putting in jepeordy, and is all about self esteem!!!
You probably think that you would be better with some one else, because of lack of experience. Your husband was the only man you've being with, so you are curious. Be careful!!
I would like to open your eyes to the fact, that if this guy that you are still longing for, was unfaithful to his wife!!!!????? What makes you think he will make you happy???
In the mean time even though you don't say much about your husband and where your relationship stands, it seems to me he loves you, understands you and respects you!!!
Sweetie, is NOT to make you feel bad or ofend you but I really think, you should go and seek professional help, befor you deside to experiment again. WAKE UP!!!! That guy abused you!!
He is a sick m........!!! Excused my french!!!
And that is the reason why I'm begging you to seek professional help!!! Because if he abuse you and you are missing that, then you too are NOT WELL!!! I can picture you, all beat up and stripped out of your persona, by this abuser boyfriend of yours, after he finish with you; crawling back to your husband again!!!
If you re NOT happy with your husband for any reason, please let him know and leave him, befor getting into this so violent, dstructive and dangerous games!!!
WAKE UP, WAKE UP !!!! RESPECT YOURSELF!!!
GOOD LUCK. GOD BLESS YOU & HAVE A HAPPY LIFE
ALLIV Z
2007-01-07 16:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by Alliv Z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I recommend trying this out: www.thework.com
You're in a difficult situation. Just wondering why you would even let this man beat you? You're a married woman. Why is your husband so out-in-the-cold regarding this? He suspects something, but wants to be supportive? What does he suspect? You're having an affair? You're being beaten? As soon as he suspects you're being beaten, why isn't he doing anything? If he suspects you're having an affair, why would he be supportive?
This is the first time I've ever heard of anything like this.
You're being abused, yet you are abusing your own relationship with your husband.
Are you making this up?
Anyway, try the work.
2007-01-07 15:40:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have low self worth, and u somehow feel u deserve this kind of treatment, just get away from the abuse. u won't let him go because u somehow are confusing abuse with love. but it is far from what love really is. rebuild your life, distance your self from him, go back to your husband and stop all this self destructive behavior. what do u hope to gain by all this. is there a future here? if he cheats with u he will cheat on u. his ex was the smart one, and u, well u now have her problem. if u were smart u would end it and go back to your hubby.this guy is only going to bring u extreme grief, and once u ruin your marriage and the man who treats u good is out of your life, than all u got left is the abuser. good luck
2007-01-07 15:51:17 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try reading this...hope you're O.K. When his wife (or punchbag ) left you had to receive the extra abuse.
PS. a lot of men get off on sleeping with another mans wife, it's a way of abusing the husband too. Forgive yourself, this creep got into your head and played mind games and controlled you,but nurture your husband or someone else will. Good Luck see site below
2007-01-08 02:08:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok lady, What you really need is a good ****** wake up call!
You want to be dominated and essentialy controlled by someone more powerful then you because of sexual urges. Let me guess you have been attracted to the bad boy image in the past?
You need to either shut this guy off all together like a severed limb or tell your husband the truth and get a divorce because it's only fair to him. Lust will destroy you if you sexually crave abuse!
2007-01-07 15:43:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What the hell is wrong with you,,,you were his THIRD affair, and your FIRST affair....Why are you having an affair to begin with, do you not take your vows seriously?? Get that a s s out of your head and be faithful to your husband of 12 years...if you cannot do that then get divorced and stop hurting your husband. Have you ever heard of the word NO. if your husband knows you had an affair and is supportive, what the hell is wrong with you...Pray to God for forgiveness for cheating, and get your act together.
2007-01-07 16:30:35 · answer #7 · answered by SAM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was once in a situtation like yours with an ex boyfriend of mine. I wasn't having an affair, my ex was just like the man you describe above. I don't know why you cant let go, i was the same way for two years but i will let you know that once i left him and all those feelings went away, i felt way better. Its hard at first but its better to forget a man like that. I felt happier and less stressed. I suggest that you forget him and go back to the man you are married to. Its the best for you and your husband.
2007-01-07 15:41:53 · answer #8 · answered by h2gj87 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Torn between two lovers.
Loving both of them is breaking all the rules.
Pick the one who loves you, and rebuild trust. If he doesn't take you back, learn the lesson, and go on.
You should never lower your standards to be with a married man. He indicated his lack of respect for you when he made advances with you. He wanted to screw you because it was "safe". He didn't have to take care of you, just F@ck!
Don't just be a sex object. You know that you're way more than that.
2007-01-07 15:39:30 · answer #9 · answered by Lion J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because, and I mean no offense, you are too foolish to get away from him. You believe you can change this person, and it's not gonna happen. All you will get from this is hurt more and caught by your husband. Dump this loser and go back you your husband before you end up in an emergency room or a body bag.
2007-01-07 15:36:10 · answer #10 · answered by CuriousMishawaka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋