Before I married my husband I was a 19 year old single mom struggeling to make it. I met a man in colledge who wanted to marry me and we dated for a short time, I went to my pastor and his wife and asked them if i should or shouldn't marry him and their reply was- Who else would want a woman with a baby, and they said i'd marry him if i knew what was good for me. So i did.
he turned out to be physically and verbally abusive, a cheater and everything else you can imagine. Well i kicked him out and went to my parents about it, you know what they said- What makes me think anyone else would want me(i have 3 children now) I don't care what they or anyone else has to say, i'm not going back to my husband, however is what they say right? I'm 26 now and I know I'm beautiful, 3 kids and all, i turn heads where ever i go-I'm also grounded, have a great personallity and i love god. i know it's not easy to find some one to love you if you have children, but is it impossiable?
2007-01-07 14:56:20 · 45 answers · asked by Chava 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
*** it's not impossible at all. don't listen to anyone...u did the right thing kickin him the curb. don't let them get u down.
2007-01-07 14:59:25 · answer #1 · answered by meme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely possible, i am a 20 year old single mother of a 7 month old and like you still turn heads but my fear was falling for the wrong guy because i felt i couldnt do better because I'm a single mother but in the last 3 weeks i have realized at the moment it is about my child and i will not let any man do that to me so i am going to be single and a proud mother to my child. If you really want to be with someone now you will find someone who will love you and your children and treat you right, do not listen to anyone else your husband did the wrong thing by you and you have your children's best interest to worry about and i commend you on leaving him you are a strong women just to do that and everything in life happens for a reason so take the experience you got from being in that relationship and find yourself a real man that will treasure you and your children.
I wish you and your children all the best in the Future.
2007-01-07 15:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Chava!!!
Something like that also happened to me. Look from woman to woman, and talking from experience, my advice is, that you shouldn't live your life thinking, if you will find some one who can love you with three kids!!!
You should concentrate on your education and stability, so once you have that set up and running; and others look at your progress, you will have more men than you could possibily handle.
Don't base ralationships on financial, sexual or boredom needs!! All this three are dangerous. Concentrate your attention on your children, education and work yourself around this until you are totally independent.
Get yourself to the point that if you deside to start a relationship, it will be base on love and respect. That in return it will translate to helping each other, while thinking about the children first.
Value yourself as you are one of a kind. Don't just fall into the trap of getting into another poor and negative relationship, out of desperation, or loneliness. Some men think a single moter of three, is a perfect person to take advantage of. Be careful, remember that what ever you go through your children will suffer
many times worst!!! Love and respect yourself so you can love and respect your children. They diserved the best, and you are the ONLY ONE, that they count on!!!
GOOD LUCK,GOD BLESS YOU and YOUR KIDS
HAVE A HAPPY LIFE
ALLIV Z
2007-01-07 15:26:04 · answer #3 · answered by Alliv Z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
anything is possible. No you should not go back to an abusive man. You should really take some time to get to like yourself. Don't rush looking for someone else. You need to know that you that you can make it. When you least expect it the right person will come along. Right now, just make a good life for you and your family and remember when a man comes along you are a package deal. The outside package doesn't matter it is what is inside that counts. Best of luck. don't ever give up hope.
2007-01-07 15:04:13 · answer #4 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are perfect just the way you are. Do not go back to someone who is abusive. There are men out there looking for a loving woman like you to share in their lives.
It may prove difficult at times as some men are turned off when they find out you have a family. Do not let that bother you.
Life your life. Do all you can for your kids and take care of yourself. When the right man comes along you will know it.
If finding the right person was so easy it would lose it's value wouldn't it?
There are princes looking for a princess.
All the best to your family and you.
2007-01-07 15:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by o_s_c_c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is impossible. You sound like a great woman and any guy would be lucky to have you. But my only advice to you is do not stress about finding the right man, let him come to you, take care of your kids and yourself and all will fall into place. I've seen people get so wrapped up in finding that special someone that they have ruined their lives because of it, and don't worry if a man doesn't come along so people aren't meant to be with just one person. You may be teaching your kids a life lesson by not being with someone and you may not even know it. And I'm glad to hear that your not going to listen to people who are ignorant, and yes I apologize for calling your family that, but that is totally unacceptable for your family to tell you that your not good enough for a man. I feel sorry that you had to hear that from your own family.
2007-01-07 17:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was wrong for them to say, and you could have found someone else besides the abusive person to be with. You still can. I'm a woman, and if I met a guy with 6 kids and I cared for him, all that wouldn't matter to me. My brother is with a woman who has 3 kids, and they are not his. I hear it is harder for single parents, but it's not impossible. There are tons of people who either one, have not had kids, or two cannot have kids. There is also people who don't like kids, and you just have to find the ones who do like them and want them. I am sure you will find someone eventually, just be careful in your choices.
2007-01-07 15:06:36 · answer #7 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am living proof that their is life and love after a failed marriage. I also had 3 children and am now happily married. We met 6 months after I left my first husband and we have been together ever since. We are on our 11th year together and still in love. We just had a baby together, so now I have 4 children. Tell yourself that there is someone that God has chosen for you. He will be loving and fair and honest and a good spiritual leader for your family. Do not settle for anything less. You deserve to have love in your life. God would not want you to be with a man who is so unworthy of your love.
2007-01-11 13:48:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kim B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Chava, I can't believe your pastor and his wife, you parenst woul make such a remark. That is ridiculous. I have a child and I still date other women who have kids. It's harder to be alone but just remember this. It's a package deal and if they don't like it. You don't need them. Trust me when I say this, if you are grounded and positive, a real man will fall in love with you over and over. I feel for you, you sould never go back to him if he is abusive and a cheater. He is an *** and a loser. He gives guy like me a bad name. I believe what goes around comes around. he will get what he deserves. Stay positive and keep improving yourself (either is upgrading your studies or take up a hobby), that's attractive. Too bad you don't live in Toronto. Ha! Ha!
2007-01-07 15:10:21 · answer #9 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel have to have a man if you are as grounded as you say you are. Your kids need you more than you need a man. Rushing into another relationship will only attract a man with the same kind of traits you ex has. Get grounded FOR REAL let your kids get you attention for a bit, then when things are more of a routine in your life, that will be the time to make yourself available to date.
2007-01-07 19:15:43 · answer #10 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No of course not. You just have to find the kind of guy that's willing to take on the kind of responsibility you represent. Yes you come with baggage so to speak, but there are guys out there who would love to make you and your family happy. No you don't need to think that your choices are so limited that you need to jump at the first guy that comes along. Your pastor, and especially your parents should be ashamed of themselves treating you like so much dirt. Hold your head up high. Don't let ANYONE tell you you're damaged goods. Be patient, and the right guy will come along.
2007-01-07 15:16:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋