2007-01-07 14:40:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
You can't and you shouldn't. Becoming parents is a 2way street, if one of you isn't ready or doesn't want children it is not right for you to pressure him into it. This isn't like getting a pet.
I'm surprised you didn't discuss this before you got married, or did you perhaps think then that you could 'change' his mind. Is he saying no ever or is he saying not right now,you weren't specific.
My best friend recently had a baby, her husband didn't want one, but she 'surprised' him. Guess what her little 'accident' has turned into a nightmare for her. She has a baby yes, but she and her husband are getting a divorce. He didn't take well to fatherhood and he has been a lousy father. He wasn't supportive during her pregnancy and was out with friends the night she went into labor. He completely changed, he resented her. It is really quite sad. Not to mention unfair to the child for bringing him into this situation. He had only wanted to wait a few years, but he felt she tricked him, he resented her for it and that has spread to their child. It is really sad because the four of us (the two of us with our husbands) used to do a lot of stuff together. He is not the same guy at all. He feels she undermined his trust. Which is exactly what destroys marriages without trust what do you have?
This is exactly why people need to discuss these things before marriage and not think that you can marry a man and change him.
The first step in being a good parent is putting the child first and that means not bringing a child into a situation when both partners aren't ready to be parents.
2007-01-07 21:45:12 · answer #1 · answered by Wicked Good 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have talked this before you two got married, this is a very complicated subject, I am sure he has told you his reasons why he doesn't want babies yet, and you should listen and pay attention, if the reasons are financially then...try to find some solutions to that, if the reasons are emotional like, he thinks you should wait more because he wants to spend more time with you alone or because he is not ready yet, etc, etc...then you have to help him deal with that, and listen... to him. I am sure that if you pay attention to they whys, you can reassure him that everything has a solution. But don't force him into having a baby...he would probably resent the baby and believe me...you don't want that.... He eventually will change his mind, but don't pressure him, he will want to have babies some day...give him some time and be patient everything will come at its own time. God Bless!
2007-01-07 14:51:59 · answer #2 · answered by fun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't-and you shouldn't. Since you obviously can't go back in time and discuss this with him before marrying him, you have to decide what's more important to you now -him or a baby, and go from there. Having a baby with a man that does not want the baby can have bad consequences you need to consider:
-He may leave you AND the baby
-He may begin cheating and blame being pressured into something he does not want
-He may become abusive and/or resentful to you and your baby
If you really want to be with him, you have to learn to accept him as he is-he knows himself better than you do, and he may have good reason not to want a child. If you really truly want to have a child, you need to be honest with him, and move on. If having a baby is a deal breaker, then get out of this now and give yourself a chance to find someone who will want a child and will want to be great father and husband. Don't cheat your child by having them with a father that does not want them...its cruel and will ultimately back fire.
2007-01-07 15:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by samiam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be patient, think about this, us girls grow up playing with baby dolls and pretending that we are Moms so I think we are prepare way before they are. When I got married we agreed to wait a year before having a baby, the time came and my husband was so nervous to become a Dad and we waited, then I got nervous so we waited again until one day we felt that it was time so we became parents. Don't listen to people that say leave him! too late!etc. they don't know your husband.
One of my best friends was on your same situation because her husband didn't want to give up his truck (babies are expensive) but a year later he changed his mind and now they have a baby girl. Talk to your husband and decide when it will be a good time to get pregnant.
Don't get discourage about the mean answers some people are giving you.
2007-01-07 17:12:23 · answer #4 · answered by Paula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying to change his mind is doing a huge disservice to that child and yourself. You should begin parenting when you both are interested in it and ready. Talk to him and see if he just is afraid or if he really doesn't want children now or at all. That child deserves you both and you will not be the mother you should be if you end up doing it all on your own. It's alot of work, time, money, and patience. Wait until you have his help and encouragement. If you don't you will be very sorry.
2007-01-07 14:46:33 · answer #5 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
theres not much you can do to change there mind on that subject but when you are at the stores and you walk past the baby cloths say ooooh there soo cute dont you want a baby one day, or when you see a baby talk about how cute they are, not to much to where it gets annoying but enough to let him know that your definitly ready for one and maybe hell see that having a baby will make you happy, and most men are out to make there other happy or at least they are suppose to be good luck
2007-01-07 14:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by <3 mykiddos,mylife <3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you can do is try to change his mind, or try to get pregnant behind his back. Is this not something you talked about before you got married? If you did, and he agreed, you need to find out what has changed with him.
2007-01-07 21:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something you and your spoouse should of agreed on before getting married.
This is a big issue in a couples life. All you can do is talk to him about it. If you suprise him with a pregnancy you might lose him.
Maybe he just wants to wait awhile. Then compermise would be in order
2007-01-07 16:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about the situtation and why doesnt he want to, wait it out and maybe later on, he will want one. a baby is a big deal. if he still doesnt, then theres nothing to change his mind and maybe you need to find someone with similiar ideals.
2007-01-07 14:47:41 · answer #9 · answered by blob888 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would change spouses or give up the baby idea... I know it sounds harsh, but you can't change his goals or dreams...
2007-01-07 14:42:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋