I've been married for 2 yrs, and my husband is really protective of me. I knew by getting married i would have to end my friendships with my 'male' friends. Because my husband has insecurity issues. And thinks ALL men want to get into my pants. I don't see any of my male friends in person. But he also gets upset when I chat with any male online. I would never cross the line. Or cheat or anything. I am ok with him having female friends, I trust him. And in the past he has had a few female friends . And that's fine with me.
I have male friends I’ve known for yrs, but haven't been able to be in contact with since I been married. And now I’ve started being in contact with them. My husband says I need to stop..He's worried I’d leave him, or a guy would try something on me etc..
What is everyone's opinion on this?? Is this right?
Please no remarks on divorce or anything. Or married is great. Besides this issue.
Thanks in advances!
2007-01-07 14:31:50 · 43 answers · asked by ~ Ruchira~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In my own case, I refuse to go quietly into the night...
I still have friends after 25 years of marriage. Some of them are males, that doesn't mean I'm unfaithful. He is also allowed any female friends, and he also is faithful.
We are human, and not dead. We chose each other as mates but I still have platonic relationships. However...
If it could wreck your relationship then you must make a choice. You knew of his views on this when you married him. It makes no difference if he is right or wrong, you knew how he felt about it before hand. It's not really fair to ask him to change now.
2007-01-07 15:03:20 · answer #1 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No - no comments on divorce. Why is this always the first answer???
First of all - many men are insecure in a relationship, where the woman has male friends - usually due to past issues with infidelity.
Second - have you introduced your husband to any of the men? Even online? If not - DO! If you can't - then you need to sever ties to them completely, because then your intentions are not pure.
Third: He is right - ALL men - ALL male friends of ALL women secretly hope that there is a little tiny chance that they someday will get in your pants - and your husband - like ALL men - Knows that fact - and no women believe it to be true, but it is... No matter how good the friend, or how non-sexual it has always been, it's there. Just believe it - don't try to understand it.
The best way to help him overcome his insecurity issues is to include him when you are interacting with your male friends - let him know, without a shadow of a doubt, that HE, and only he holds the position of "dominant male" in your life. The more you involve him, the more comfortable he will be.
As far as him having female friends: That is ONLY OK if you may (even if you don't want to exercize the right) get to know them as well. If not - he has the same thoughts about the female friends, as ALL men have about ALL their female friends (see above).
2007-01-07 20:32:37 · answer #2 · answered by Michael, Count de Berçon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the most part, I believe your husband is right. You really shouldn't have a lot of contact with male "friends" when your husband is not present or know what's going on. Casual contact with co-workers, etc. is obviously excuded, but "hanging out" or spending time e-mailing and talking on the phone with guys is a bad idea.
Unless the guys are gay, most will have the desire to be with you and some will try. It really does open the door to what someone has called an "emotional" or a non-sexual affair.
There are sacrifices to be made when you give up the single life for the married life. You obviously will not tell your husband every single detail of everything you do. You should, however, respect his wishes in this area and use good judgement when corresponding with male friends in any context.
I'm actually concerned that this is still an issue two years into your marriage! Are you sure you were ready to give up the single life to be with your now husband?
2007-01-07 15:49:28 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK reading your question, I have found a great similarity between your husband and me.. I am much the same.. See now, i think firstly you are already in a marriage which should be the most important priority. If your priorities are different, then maybe you need to put up with him. You are in such a situation where you can't do both, you have to face it. There are millions of situation where one cant do two things, and you have to live with it to have a good married life. Try to think about your husband. We may be a little insecure and extra protective, but you have to consider what we go through. If you just talk to a male friend, for us, this is equal to cheating us. For different people the level is different, You should have considered this before you married.. and now you just simply cant have both. The thrust level is very low in your husband so i think you have to live with it.
2007-01-07 17:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by Nathan A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a matter of trust. Your husband is still insecure and doesnt want to lose you. Perhaps after you've been married longer, he will have built up enough trust in you and confidence in your love that you will be able to have male friends. Ideally, there is no reason why you cannot as long as you know your limits. I would advise you to honor his wishes for the sake of your marriage, but make him follow the same rules. He should not be able to have any female friends. When you both are ready, you can expand your friend circle gradually.
2007-01-07 15:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by Boost 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes men have this issue when they are insecure about themselves..im very insecure at times and ive worried that my girl ill find a better man and leave me too but she has reassured me a mil times theres nobody better out there for her and even if we werent together she wouldnt want anyone else. After a while of hearing this i became more comfortable with the idea guys will be around her because i trust her and i know she loves me.
All you can really do is keep reassuring him how you feel and make sure he knows theres nobody that could come between you two but that you want more freedom to be able to stay in touch with your friends...you dont want to feel trapped. Its only fair that you should be able to have male friends just as well as he should be able to have female friends. This issue is normal for some relationships and you just have to communicate to solve it.
2007-01-07 14:49:26 · answer #6 · answered by JMan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This isn't right. If you have given him no reason to be jealous then this is not acceptable. This is control. You can be friends with a male. These seem to be more issues on his part if he can have female friends. This will end your marriage if you don't take care of it now, by talking to him or maybe he needs to get some counseling for this. Today it is you can't have male friends. Sooner or later he will be telling you when you can go out and when you can't. Are you willing to give up everyone and everything for him.
2007-01-07 14:46:40 · answer #7 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should have male friends and if the guy you married cannot handle it then he is the wrong man for you or can it be that he has good reasons not to trust you? If you've lied about past affairs and incidents with your so-called male friends it stands to reason the poor sap would not know what to believe when you say you have platonic male friendships. It takes time to get over such treachery but it is a good sign if the both of you want to work past things so you can stay married.
Hard to trust a liar so if you have been dishonest in the past it will take some time to regain hubby's trust. That is if you want him to trust in and believe in you. In that case time for an honest sit down face to face concluding with assuring him of your loving fidelity. If you can't talk with him then there is no reason for you two to be together anyway.
2007-01-07 14:40:40 · answer #8 · answered by ralegas 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
YES! definitely yes, but there is some limits, you cannot have relationship to close with another man more than your relationship with your own husband, do you know what i mean? made your husband your best friend then the rest could be some people that you hang out, also if they are friends before your husband you must introduce them to your husband, so He can meet them, and you all hang out I'm sure you have girl friends too so go for it.
Nothing wrong with having a healthy social life
-Such I dont -
good luck
2007-01-07 15:18:04 · answer #9 · answered by JUST ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I question why you married him knowing of his insecurities. He can't have just told you the day after the wedding that you can no longer have male friends. Knowing his thoughts on this matter going in, you can't really complain now.
The fact of the matter is, your husband is right. I guarantee that every single one of your male friend wants to have sex with you. It doesn't matter if they are single, married, have girlfriends, whatever. Some may not act on it given the chance, but most certainly would.
That being said, your husband needs to learn to trust you. He will not be there every day of your life to make sure that some guy you know isn't going to try to bed you.
2007-01-07 15:03:47 · answer #10 · answered by Kevman9999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋