Why do husbands have attitudes when you ask them to help clean the house?

Question

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and on bedrest. Not sure my husband takes it seriously, but when I ask him to do something for me, he gets an attitude with me. Like I'm bothering him or something. He's totally getting on my last nerve and I can say that when I feel bad after he's done this to me, my blood pressure goes up (which is why I'm on bedrest).

Last night I woke up at 3am and he was in his hobby room playing the guitar and drinking beer (obviously impaired). I asked him what he would do if I were to go in to labor then? He replied that I still had a month left before I'm due. WTF? I told him this has got to change or else I'll be getting someone else to drive me to the hospital.

I'm trying hard not to argue with him because I know it will raise my blood pressure. I do understand that he too is probably under a slight bit of stress since things are not normal. But, my goodness, where the hell is his compassion? I'd do everything for him if he were truly sick.

I agree that early childhood training is key in making a man responsible. His grandmother raised him, so go figure that one. Still not an excuse.

My son being born will NOT treat his wife this way. I'll make sure of that.

Answer 1

I sympathize with you. I don't know why some men are this way! My sister was married to a jerk like that and she ended up leaving and going home to mom until the baby was born. She did not even call him when the child was being born! The doctor told her that she could not afford to get upset and push her blood pressure up! Soooo, she left the house when he was at work and he came home to an empty house. He kept trying to get her back home, but my mom told him to leave her alone! He left and went home. She went into labor that evening and by the time she came home the house was spotless! He had done the clothes and the grocery shopping. He sent her flowers and said he was sorry! I don't think this works for every guy, but it worked that one time for her!

Answer 2

i know how you feel,
i have a 13 month old and a 6 week old so you can imagine how tired i have been this last year and a half!

my fiance cannot stand a messy house and always likes his dinner ready when he gets home from work,

while i was pregnant with my second son i was aneamic and had also been put on bed rest i was so tired and all i wanted was a little help around the house it gets so hard when you are at home alone pregnant and have a baby already!
and it is totally normal to be frustrated alot even if u try not to argue, its all a part of our hormones, and men (even though they think they do) don't understand the stress we are going through especially being so close to your due date, i think guys just dont like being told what to do!
what i done was leave the house the way it was until my husband couldnt take it any more and he got up himself.
but then again that sometimes caused an argument aswell.
once u have the baby it's still going to be hard for a while but my husband and i would take it in turns one day i would look after the childeren and he would be in charge of keeping the house tidy and i would cook dinner and he would clean up after wards.
the more time you give your husband with your baby the more he will realise that it is not exactly easy and he may offer to do some help around the house.
every man is different so it's hard to give advice that will actually help,
so i hope you can find a way to get him to help you and take the stress off you because u really need the bed rest to prevent your baby becoming stressed and your self.
good luck on the birth of your baby and congratulations, is this your first?

Answer 3

let the homestead go. you want to comprehend that you both have extremely puzzling jobs now. it really is a lot a lot less puzzling to flow to a conventional pastime, get a paycheck and are available homestead to an sparkling homestead. yet you'll by no ability have that lower back no be counted what. the international you're in is why there are such an excellent type of messages in this web site complaining basically as you're. individuals are extremely depressing and had no theory what having little ones become like. The saddest section is they take it out on one yet another! you may be so happy with the career your husband is in. Please dont be not hassle-free on him. and also you want to be pampered in a roundabout way too. i personally dont have any particular suggestion except perchance yoga, meditation or some type of zen get away for you? It wont be more effective useful for a lengthy time period so attempt to figure a fashion to maintain your courting specifically else. you're both doing the suitable you are able to.

Answer 4

I frown upon those chaps who replied to you saying that it is your job to clean up the house. It is never good when spouses start to draw lines of responsibilities. Yes, there may be some assumed responsibilities by either parties, but it should never be said you cannot help him nor he help you. It is sad when one ignores the marriage vow of loving and cherishing the other IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, FOR RICHER AND FOR POORER. And, come on, don't argue it didn't say "In cleaning in house and for lazing around the house"!

At the same time, one shouldn't just say generically that all men are lazy, stupid or clueness, etc. etc. We must accept that men and women have some inherent differences which is nobody's fault. We are all created like that.

I do empathise with you that your husband is like that. He does seem like a jerk, based on your account. But like what User6454353, said, we may need more facts before we can truly appreciate the situation. What's his point of view?

Notwithstanding all that I have said above, I personally think that he should show more responsibility and do something for you. After all, he had a part in getting you in your current state (I certainly hope he is the father!).

Okay, to answer your question directly: Not ALL husbands have attitudes when cleaning the house. Some enjoy house cleaning, some don't. Those who don't find it a chore! Their upbringing might have taught them that men bring in the bread, while the women take care of the household and kids. So, it may seem unmanly to do such things.

BTW, I am a guy and I enjoy doing the dishes! : D

Answer 5

Men are stupid and clueless. As women we give them way too much credit and assume that they think like we do. They don't. a lot of men can be big babies, especially when there is a real baby on the way. My ex was so oblivious I actually ended up divorcing him. I had a high risk pregnancy too. He refused to get a second job so I had to keep working. Then to make matters worse, we had the worst driveway in the history of driveways. It was a 1/4 mile long, up a hill and through a shale bed. It was dark and flanked on either side by open field. That meant that when it snowed, all the snow would blow in. I worked at night and although he would PROMISE to plow it before I got home, he never did and I would have to walk up it. At 4am, pregnant, with snow up to my waist....puking the whole way up. It was SO awful. And the worst part was, he was a really nice guy. He just couldn't get it together to take care of his family. When the baby came, I could trust him with her - he would lie and said he fed her when he didn't. I don't think he was trying to be mean, I think he was just so self absorbed that he would forget. Finally I just got fed up. She was about a year old and I had enough. I could do just as well on my own. I moved out and found a place with a nice short driveway. That was 4 years ago and I couldn't be happier!

Answer 6

Many men use their wife's illness as an revenge thing. Is he really so resentful about something? Don't nag him about any of this, it'll only make him worse, but be aware that you may not be able to count on him when you need him the most. It's a real shame that some men don't realize how much they would be ADORED if they would take care of family, wife, children and home first, without feeling the unnecessary need for feeling like less of a man. To me it makes them MORE of a man.

Answer 7

Kick the jerk in the nuts, maybe then he'll take you seriously.

To be honest I was going to come in here and say "Housework is WOMAN's work", (I can be a real @$$ sometimes), but when I read you were 34 weeks pregnant and on bedrest (which to me means you have a chance of going into premature labor). I got incensed that your own husband is being such a jerk. Is he so stupid he doesnt realize he is putting his own child at risk? Tell him I said he needs to grow up and start acting like a man. He doesnt deserve the balls God gave him.

Answer 8

I truly believe that some men are jealous of their new babies, whether they are still in the womb or just out. They are so used to you being there for them 24/7 that they can't deal with someone else needing your attention even more. I think it's an ego thing and I wish I could tell you what to do. He sounds like he's in denial. Hopefully things will improve when the baby comes and you establish a new routine. If not, you should seek some professional advice. Good luck!

Answer 9

i hate to say this but things are starting off wrong already and it wont get better when the baby comes.. he may be doing this because he is behind on sex, you know they tend to get crazy when they don't get this on a regular basis, look I'm not pregnant but he sounds just like this couch potato i have here at this house so to make you feel better he has a twin.. but really he is being very ignorant at a time when you need to be pampered things are gonna have to change but until they do just try and stay calm and pray and se if things wont get better, i will pray for you also.. good luck on the baby and your health

Answer 10

stop saying you are going to do it and do it. believe me when he wakes the next morning and you had the baby and he missed it he will realize what a mistake he made. All the pictures will not have and all the memories will be with someone else that actually helped you he will never be able live that down. i say why argue it does not help and it will just upset more and that is not good for your baby