Help me with my miserablelife..I need counseling?

Question

The 1st 6 years of my life is just wonderful. I'm already 21 but I still have those wonderful memories as a 3 year old. I feel loved by my parents,my siblings and during those times I hear the neighbors saying I'm a cute child and that I'll be handsome once I grew up. On those 6 years I have lots of friends and playmates. everyone is nice to me. I learned to read at age 3, So I heared praises that I'll be a gifted child. Then things changed when my family moved to a new city. The people there are very different and rude. Kids are making fun of me and I've been bullied. All of my struggle started when I was 7. I have no friends at school and I was being a center of joke. My self esteem is more crumbled because my Brother always bully me when I'm home. Because he is jelous that he is not the youngest child. But I'm not spoiled because my mom make my life a miserable hell. She always nag at me night and day and say mean words. I have a brother named Gerald, he died 8 years before my birth and my mom always say if Gerald didnt die, I dont have to exist in this world and i'm sort of a cheap replacement. There are so many reasons why I was being picked on at school. I'm from a middle class family and because I'm studying in a public school, Most of my classmates are from families below poverty line. Because of that they bully me because they think I'm a rich kid. There where kids acting like they where my friends but they just do that so they can eat the lunch prepared for me. I started to realize that I'm different from other kids because they think I'm weird and crazy. I have mannerisms typical kids dont do. I'm very hyperactive that there had been times I was being punished by the teachers. One teacher hits my head with a broom until it breaks into two. I'm also outcasted because I'm not Catholic and my Country, is a Catholic country. Unlike America The kid/teen who gets respect and popularity in school are the ones with the highest grades and I have terrible grades in math, I was always humiliated because of that. I tried to study hard but I think I have some learning disorder because until now I cant solve a simple arithmetic and I cant read the clock unless it's digital. My childhood is very terrible and I felt like I'm I'm a living a misery. At fifth Grade I discovered 3 passions of mine. Music, Martial arts and writting. My passion for music died because my mom dont want me to learn instruments but I still love singing. Then my passion for martial arts is not prospering because of money matters. At fifth grade there were people who said I have a great potential at writing so I pursue it. I'm writing poems, stories and songs. It fills my spirit and I love the people's reaction towards my works but my family dont give a damn. When i was on 5th Grade my life was a bit better because I have friends and my performance in school is good. But I'm back to hell at 6th Grade because I'm surrounded by kids smarter than me and they had treated me like a trash. My life is a bigger heck in highschool.I was turned into a fat insecure kid and I was always humiliated by the teachers.I've been discriminated at school because I'm not catholic and makes me more insecure. I was outcasted and I felt like the hedgehog who is never been hugged. My Highschool life is rouger when I became a Junior because Science became Mathematical and that is my weakness. I get to have 2 girlfriends during Highschool. My 1st one is ashamed that I'm her boyfriend while the other one makes me more insecure because she is an outcast like me. When I graduated Highschool, My Parents didnt support me for college. I tried taking up a computer vocational course because I found computers fun but it was a torture because Mathematical equations are back. I failed that course and it put me through more depresion. I got a scholarship to a course that i dont like and it's caregiving. I graduated recently but that course makes me feel more insecure because it's never been my dream to wash the butts of elderly people. I get back to my 1st love which is writing. I posted some of my works in fictionpress.com. My poems get positive reviews but I lose motivation from finishing novels because all I have is negative reviews and it kills me. I always get this review: "Your plot and story is nice but your grammar sucked."

I despise school but I tried studyin again. At Penn Foster Homeschool and I found new hope. I passed all of my exams and my last 3 are writing assignments and another misery of mine started to kill me. Every examination have 3 chances. I doubting sending my 1st exam becos I failed it 2 times. they said I have a good plot but I hav grammar problems. I tried studyin over and over again. Night and day but they kept on saying I hav grammar problems. It kills me because at hi-school & elementary I was the best in English. I failed my 2 chances on my 2nd exam making me hate myself more. I felt like my life has no direction becoz I now suck at a world that I love. Writin is my last resort and now I feel dumber and I felt like I have no talent. I hate my self because ,I hate being a failure and i hate my life. I believe in God but I think he created me to be his punchin bag. I felt empty and I'm confessin everythin becos my life is a livin curse. I feel sad and alone.

Answer 1

OK FIRST YOU NEED TO SEEK THE HELP OF A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR IN PERSON.

MY OPINION IS THAT I FEEL FOR YOU AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU DID HAVE A ROUGH UPBRINGING AND IT HAS FORMED WHO YOU ARE TODAY. THAT BEING SAID

YOU ARE NOW CROSSING INTO ADULTHOOD AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND MAKE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF IT. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE NEGATIVE VOICES OUT THERE. THERE ARE MANY, FIND A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN SEEK SUPPORT (SADLY TO SAY IT MAY NOT BE YOUR FAMILY AT THIS POINT IN TIME).

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AND CAN DO IT. WORK HARD AND SET YOUR MIND TO IT. IF WRITING IS YOUR PASSION THAN GO FOR IT (AND I REALLY DO NOT BLAME YOU, I WOULD NOT WANT TO CARE GIVE EITHER).

IF YOUR GRAMMAR SUCKS (SO TO SPEAK) THAN WORK ON IT! USE THE NEGATIVE THINGS AS MOTIVATION TO CREATE A WORLD FOR YOURSELF IN WHICH YOU FEEL GOOD, APPRECIATED, LOVED AND VALUED.

YOU ARE WORTH IT, SEEK IT FOR YOURSELF!

TRY TO UNDERTAND THE PAST AND MOVE FORWARD. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST.

AGAIN GO TO COUNSELING AND TRY TO WORK IT OUT NOW SO THAT YOU CAN MOVE ON AND HAVE A FULFILLING LIFE!

Answer 2

You have had a rough life but i know where you are coming from. I too have a messed up family, a crazy mother, an outcast niche in school, gifted, and a love of music, martial arts, and writing. I also have monetary troubles in my family and am gifted. I also have only had a couple of girlfriends, but just know this. You are who you are because of who you are. We are rebels of a different variety. We are the intelligent, imaginative people who don't want to conform to what others believe is the "right" way. Just being a person is hard enough in the society we live in. I am jewish and i live in a heavily christian area. I know that it can be oppressive. You need to continue your writing, just be sure to watch your grammar. That is the small hurdle. don't think the feedback is critical when it is just constructive. You have had a life suited to poetry, novels, and intellect. Use what you have. If nothing else, go get a basic grammar and usage book from the library or book store and study up. Life can always suck at times, but it can always get much worse.
In terms of girlfriends, the truth of the matter is that you probably just haven't found anyone for you yet. I don't feel that god picks a person for everyone in the world, but statistically, with all the people there are, there is no way that there is nobody for you. find someone that makes your life beautiful, but that won't let you give up. Someone that will jump at you for misusing grammar, not because she hates it, but because she knows you want to improve. Just keep going along and do what you want and can. everything always works out one way or another.

~Scholar~

Answer 3

Wow that was WAY too lengthy! I cannot not read questions that long! I'm sorry, but really, I'd have to ask too if you just described your whole life in one question! Sheesh! Anyway, since you're ONLY 21, why not look into the future and do some positive changes for your life! Surround yourself with positive people and influences. Down the road, you can then evaluate the good things that happend. I'm sure, that your life didn't consist of EVERYTHING bad. =) Go ahead and enjoy your young life. You only have one! Be thankful you're alive and well! It really isn't too late to change things! If you give up now, it will really be too late!

Answer 4

wow, that was long! No offense, but wow! i"m speechless! Did you lay your whole life down? Do you think anyone's going to read this whole thing? If they do they have no life! I'm serious, that was too long! But I get what you're saying (even though I fell asleep half of the way down), I think what you need is to just accept yourself, who you are and who your family is. Also, don't jump to conclusions so much (i.e. your brother being mean to you because he's jealous "he's not the youngest child"). Continue on with doing what you love and don't get so disappointed. If you need help, ask for it, don't be afraid. You're young, live life and enjoy it, while you're still able! Be close to God and don't let past hurts, pain ruin your future. Strive to improve it for the better! It's never too late!

Answer 5

It is sad to hear a story like yours. I'm not going to say anything, because it may sound fake however you interpret it. But I'll tell you one thing that I know.

Life is full of ups and downs. Maybe the first half of yours isn't that good, but what about the other half? My friend once told me that we are never given dreams without the ability to carry them out. You have to believe in yourself; and work hard to achieve your goals. Nothing is impossible, if you believe in it. ^_^

I've got nothing else to say, but do your best! Don't be so negative; live and let live! ^_^

[Sorry if I've not been of any help, but I hate to see people in depression. -_-; Cheer up, yeah? ^__^]

Answer 6

my heart goes out to you because I too got a scholarship in a subject I did not care for at all, Nursing, and yes it is a butt wash job. If writing is your love keep doing it. Please consider posting an email address so you can continue to get support from people who care. Do all you can to better yourself including your self-image. Are you still overweight? you can change that.

Answer 7

I think you have a lot of good things going on for you even though you have a lot of things pulling you down- everyday you should fight to be stronger, and if you really feel depressed, seek help- counselling, getting involved in more progessive activities, or simply just going to a doctor- because you seem like someone who has a sense of hardcore strong pity! There are people out there in the world, in other countries who can't even have food on the table, who have relatives who want to murder them because they think their religion entitles them to do so, etc. You have every reason to hang in there- seek help and do it for yourself!