i've dated someone off and on again for 5 years. We built a house and no, we aren't married, but he said that he wanted to be with me forever and then we break up and are trying to sell our house and i find out that he's hanging out with his ex wife again...he says that she is his friend and nothing more, but it always seems like she is right there when we break up and then he comes back to me begging for my forgiveness....i just feel very used and very confused..
2007-01-07 13:19:31 · 20 answers · asked by regis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sell the house and move on.
You have already wasted five years of your life waiting around for him.
If he wants the ex wife again let him have her.
She will always be a part of his life.
Since he thought enough of her to marry her but did not show you that same respect, he has made it clear where YOU stand.
Sure he told you that he ended it with her but who knows, SHE COULD HAVE DUMPED HIM!
at this point who cares.
Not much to be confused about here.
DOnt think of it has him USING YOU!
You got alot of experience out of the deal.
For one since you two bought a house, you will be able to get some money together for a downpayment on your next place (if you were renting you would not be able to do that!)
Also,
He was a great teacher for your next relationship....
next time you meet someone you will look more carefully at his 'ex' history and see if he is the kind of person that you want to be in a relationship with....
You will be fine
next time he comes back asking for forgiveness, you will be able to tell him that you forgave him along time ago but that you cant forget that you cant trust him and that it would be best if you and he were 'just friends'
DONT LET HIM KEEP YOU FROM YOUR Mr. RIGHT by playing these silly games.
p.s. If anyone is getting used, it is him
it is obvious that the ex does not want him, if she did she could have kept him the first time he left.
Let them have each other and their sick relationship..that is the next woman's problem now!
2007-01-07 13:29:44 · answer #1 · answered by lisa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out if he is over his ex-wife to the point that he can move on. Get a third party involved, like a counselor or pastor, to help you two to discuss this. They may vary well be "just friends", and if this is the case than the 2 of you "together" should be "just friends with her". If you are not comfortable with him seeing her, than he should honor you by not seeing her if that is what you want. If he cant honor you in this, than he obviously has more concern for seeing her than how it makes you feel. That doesn't make for a good relationship. If a man tells you things, like, "I love you", or "I want to be with you forever", or what ever, you should not go by what he "says", but by what he "does". Do his actions back up his words? He should understand how that seeing an x may not set well with you and he should therefore allow you to set some kind of boundaries for him. Hope this helps. :)
2007-01-07 21:36:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think love is the issue. You have a trust issue and rightfully so. Women need to realize when a man keeps putting off marriage after a reasonable time there is a reason. I am sure you and him became involved before he was over his ex and maybe while he was still married. If your relationship started out with an affair you only have 5% chance of success. You need a serious talk to find out where he is and where you are.
2007-01-07 21:35:32 · answer #3 · answered by Roger W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's tuff. Truth you need to step back and see what attracted you to this person in the first place. Is this type you normally go for... think carefully now. I ask this because you first have to see if you have a pattern in picking guys out. Do you go for the bad boy, the comedian, sweet talker? Figure this out before you try online first. Plus be careful. You should just try to have some fun now and stay away from those destructive types. Also get out of your usual routine. Go some places with friends you normally don't go and date more than one person now.
2007-01-07 21:33:14 · answer #4 · answered by Antione E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maggie Mae,
I thi nk that you have been "used". If he truly cared for you he would not be doing this. He sounds like a USER. Get to a nearby Non-denominational Church and brgin studying the BIBLE with a group of their members. You will heal from this experience and I believe that you will be stronger as a result of it. There are generally people in church that are fun to be around and you can find someone that has good morals and BeLiEvEs in GOD. I wish you well. Have a great week!!
Eds
2007-01-07 21:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be suckered back into anything with this loser. You need to stay by yourself for a while, however long it takes before you even think about looking for anyone else. Do some soul searching and deep thought about what you would do differently next time. I know you must be hurt, it happens to many of us but only time will heal your hurt. Take care, be strong, you will love again.
2007-01-07 21:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh! ya the old "She's just my FRIEND" line. He just can't seem to make up his mind between the two of you can he? Poor you. Sell the house take your half and be done with that rat!
2007-01-07 21:24:00 · answer #7 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To help get your self-esteem back and to trust your judgment again a good idea would be a few session in therapy.
A good therapist work with you to help put this experience behind you and to positively use it in the future
2007-01-07 21:35:34 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for you, however this situation seems to be very common. Unless there was extrema abuse in the 1st marriage, people seem to gravitate back too it. Either through the people they choose or too return to that person.
2007-01-07 21:38:56 · answer #9 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it is time for you to move on. Dont be his door mat. There are plenty of men out there that will treat you right. Cut your losses and let him go.
2007-01-07 21:52:19 · answer #10 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋