My boyfriend Divorced his ex-wife whom he was married to for 37 years.?

Question

He didn't want to live the remaining years of his life with her cause he said he loved her but wasn't IN LOVE with her like it should be.He met me while married, and he moved out, then divorced her 8 months later. Problem is I ask him where our relationship was going and he said something that hurt my feelings. He said" I left her ,sold my house and changed my whole life didn't I? Point is, I never ask him to leave her or divorce her but I do love him dearly but every since he said that I've been pulling away from him slowly and realizing I made a mistake. How do I correct this???? Its a very delicate situation. His ex wife had an affair 2 years before I came into the picture also. I know I shpuldn't have started our romance but he needed me at the time and I needed him also. It wasn't just a LUST thing. Help?

He has told me he Loves me. In fact when I let him go one time when he was still married, it upset him so much that he sent me an e-mail and left numerous messages asking me to take him back if he got a Divorce.But now that he is Divorced no talk of our future together has been mentioned. I know he needs time but I'm starting to get second thoughts while I'm letting him adjust to the idea after his Diviorce. He says he doesn't want to see anyone else and I know he feels me slipping away but neither of us want to get married right now but I thought we could at least talk about sharing an apartment or something?

I know she had an affair because I ask her and she didn't deny it and if you knew his quite personality you'd know he has NEVER been unfaihful to her UNTIL me and I don't feel I was a home wrecker because the marriage was DEAD before I came along. Several of his relatives even told me that. Need more info?

Answer 1

Why on earth would that hurt your feelings? Did you expect him to walk down the isle or move in with you after what he has been through/ Give the guy a break. he did everything he was sapposed to do.Don't you dare dump him now!

Answer 2

Don't be a fool any longer!! Get rid of this guy!! If you think you are the only one that he has had an affair with, then I suggest you think again!!!! This guy has been playing you and I would bet money that he has had many girls in the 37 years that he was married. He will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear just
to keep you hanging on until someone else catches his eye.
You said that his wife had an affair a few years ago but are you really sure about that or could it be one of his stories!! If you stay
with him, he will most certainly cheat on you too. Stay away from married men, they will only bring you pain.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear that. I think you shouldn't involve in a relationship with him while he was married. You should have been there for her as a counselor. Oh well, that is pretty difficult to do when you want that person for yourself as well. I hope he did not really divorce his wife of 37 years of marriage for you. Probably not. I strongly doubt the idea. Maybe you should ask him to be frank and honest with you. At this stage, it will be good to know exactly what his thoughts are about you and how he really feels about you. Should you find out it is the opposite, it will be worth it to both of your advantage and safety to let that relationship go.

Answer 4

First off, please realize that you cannot be responsible for the choices other people make. You were single when you got involved with him - weren't you? He *chose* to disrespect his marriage vows, he *chose* to get a divorce and all these other things. He is a grown adult, he is responsible for his decisions. Yes, you chose to get involved with him - but you did not *cause* the divorce. The truth is, in relationships, people get close and then more often than not they drift apart, and this is what happened to you and him. Most relationships end in a split-up - otherwise, we would all be married to our first high-school boyfriend/girlfriend for the rest of our lives. People have different needs at different times in their lives; a certain relationship may feel "right" at one point, but as people change it may outlive itself, and it's normal. Yes, it's hard to push someone away that you care about, and who has feelings for you. There's no "nice" way to do it - someone always ends up getting hurt. But this is the risk one assumes when one enters a relationship - a risk of getting hurt comes with the territory. Be sincere and honest with yourself and with him, don't knowingly mislead him - this is the best you can do. Be clear about how you feel, even if the truth is not "pretty". Good luck.

Answer 5

He's said everything but "I love You" or "I am falling in love with you." You should ask him if he is IN love with you or not. If he says he's not YET then just try working on it. Things will turn out for the best. Plus didn't he also say that he didn't want to live the remaining years of his life with his ex-wife, so sooner or later he would've divorced her (not to be rude or anything). I know i'm at a very young age and you are probably thinking "What does she know, has she ever been in love?" but i just hope you'll take something out of this and try and work it out. I'm not one to give this kind of answer but I am.

Answer 6

First, you say they were only married for platonic reasons, but they did have a child. That is not "platonic". You were aware of the situation before going into this relationship therefore, you are and probably will always be considered the other woman. How many excuses does he have to give you before you realize he is using you just as much as you say she is using him? Its a no win situation and if I were him, I would definitely keep you away from my family. I would not want them to know what an a*****hole I really am. Get your self out of this relationship as soon as possible, you are wasting your time on him. Good Luck.

Answer 7

To have him leave his wife to be with you actually shows something. It shows that you are not just a fling to him, else he would've left you and returned to his wife, which is the usual case i've seen or heard of because affairs usually end with the man returning to his wife.
Probably you shouldn't be questioning where your relationship is heading at the moment because he needs some time to figure things out. You should be happy that he has taken such a big step just to be with you, and probably he is feeling a little emotional about his divorce, which is just humane and natural. You wouldn't want to be with a man who left his wife of 37 years and not feel a single thing about it.
My advice is just give him some time because he probably wouldn't want to immediately jump into another marriage at this point .

Answer 8

Sin and selfishness affects judgment all the time and in many ways.

What the ex-wife did was adultery. What you two are doing is adultery, too. His leaving his wife for you is commiting adultery. Can you expect a relationship based on this to be a good one or a fulfilling one?

You wanted him, you got him. You made this bed, now lie in it.

Answer 9

Did you just want him b/c you felt you couldn't have him while he was married?? Kind of a challenge thing?? Or maybe what you say is the reason, you were there for each other, when you both needed someone. And now you are ready to move on.

Answer 10

If he was married to her for 37 years he is no good to no other woman. Get out and he does not need you. That's her, the ex-wife, husband until the day they die. Too much time and effort has been invested. I bet if you leave him he will go back home within a year. You over estimate your self my dear. Break away now. You have no place with this man. It will suck you soul out if you don't. You will never be whole.