You have the longest, most pristine legs…the water stops at your ankles accentuating the beautiful curve on your glowing, golden calves, my eyes travel up to your arms perched on your sides, your slightly hunched back and your lowered head, watching you study your reflection in the lake beneath us. I can’t bring my eyes away from you, your skin is soft against my eyes, I can’t hold back another second. I reach out and touch your smooth face, half expecting my fingers to reach out into nothing but the hot, thick air…I still am trying to convince myself you are real…my fingers rest upon your temple, my palm fitting perfectly on your rosy cheek, climbing into your ink black hair as you turn your head left to look at me, revealing those gorgeous eyes, like two turquoises contrasting from your hair like the bright moon against the dark night sky…You gaze at me, and just as I am about to say something, you slip off the deck into the water out of my sight, just like a shooting star♥
2007-01-07 12:09:36 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I don't like this one too much, I gotta work on it some...
2007-01-07 12:09:54 · update #1
gorgeous is my favorite word♥
2007-01-07 12:17:03 · update #2
I dunno...I was picturing a girl with turquouise eyes, I know I have to fix it!
2007-01-07 12:29:54 · update #3
A nice start,but "two turquoises"? (Sorry, being honest.)
2007-01-07 12:27:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's nice. one suggestion- don't use 'gorgeous' and other such words that lack meaning.
ex
revealing those gorgeous eyes, like two turquoises contrasting from your hair like the bright moon against the dark night sky
maybe substitute something descriptive
2007-01-07 20:14:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are very good at expressing yourself.Have you considered being a writer for a living?
2007-01-07 20:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by Celebrity girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your writing. You have a great imagination. I could almost picture myself there.
2007-01-07 20:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you writing Harlequin romances again?
no wonder you're always so sexed up
; )
huh? the person below me is wrong. gorgeous is a great word
2007-01-07 20:13:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww u put a lot in ur work. Good job! Will u help me with my essay?
2007-01-07 20:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by Chocogal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop using so many commas and change the style.
2007-01-07 20:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by lipsticklobotomy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll be happy to stop by and give you a hug. Sounds as if your lonely.
2007-01-07 20:11:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loved it, wish I could write that good.
2007-01-07 21:20:02 · answer #9 · answered by Avatar89 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i need to hire u the next time i go out clubbin.
2007-01-07 20:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by brock 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋