I don't know what to do, I've been married for 7 years now, got married young, didn't know my wife very well (dated for 5 months on our wedding day) Our sex life is nonexistant, and have very little in common. She's a great person, but even seeing a therapist hasn't helped, what should I do. My mom and my friends are telling me I should get a divorce, should I?
2007-01-07 11:35:22 · 13 answers · asked by Bruce D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seven years later-you know her very well now. Well enough that you've pretty much named the pro's and con's of your relationship. Maybe you have just hit a plateau. That happens. For you, it's the 7-year itch. All things get boring after years of the same routine. Time to spice things up. Therapy is the more serious side. Begin to change your perspectives-what can you do to take that non-existant sex life and turn it into something that you love again? Bring in the fantasies and make the plausible one's a reality. A little can go a long way.
Could you possibly take a vacation-find a new hobby to do together? Change something about yourselves which would please your partner. You've gotten 'comfortable'. All things are so familiar now, and there's nothing wrong with a temporary non-existent sex life-as long as it's not creating barriers between you. Sometimes it helps to go without~we miss what we don't have. For women it's a little different in the sex area-we don't get it and we think you don't like us anymore, get mad and don't want to give you any!
You're always growing, always changing...what you liked 7 years ago, might not work for you now. She has to be willing to work with you, and work at incorporating the changes.
On another note, I have pretty much always looked at things like...I'm grateful for what I have now, because I don't know how long it will last. I feel that people come into your life, for a reason and for a season sometimes-to help us learn what we need in this life..and to grow and evolve.
I would listen to advice from mom and friends, but in the end it is your choice. Sometimes they have their own agenda's...because once you are single-you have more time for them-right??
I'm not saying divorce isn't the way to go, but is it what you really want?? Think of all the consequences...will you each become a better person after a divorce?
Then remember your vows...traditionally... Marriage
is religion-based...and you vowed not only to your wife, but before God, to love, honor, obey and cherish..through sickness and in health...it doesn't say you will do all those things until you get bored or you don't get sex anymore for whatever reason. Back then the reasoning for divorce was hardening of the heart...but above all we should always forgive (damn that is hard to do).
Nobody's perfect~even if you divorced, and you remarried-chances are you're still gonna hit another plateau..where everything feels stagnant. It's really something inside you...that needs work..needs something to change to bring new life...a renewed feeling...some kind of rejuvenation deep inside....
Okay well I am rambling on now...but I wish you Love, Joy and Happiness whatever you decide, and wherever you go in life, and with whomever you love.
2007-01-07 12:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by Little Jeannie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are still at school I'd recommend you wait until you have that all out of the way before you get engaged. Your boyfriend probably loves you and wants to spend a lot to make everything special and he's not in a position to do that at the moment. You might have been together for 5 years but you're still young and although it's probably really exciting to get ready for an engagement and a wedding it's a lot of money and stress to get ready for the big day and that will be easier when you don't have school in the way and you are both in steady jobs. Also, although some people don't approve of this, it is better to be living together before you get married. That way you can make sure you are used to each others little habits and you have money that you can put into your lives together. You don't want to be married and still living at home do you? You want to be in a proper position to start your lives together. I know this all sounds rather patronising but trust me, most girls dreams of the perfect engagement and marriage. But you don't want to rush him or dump him and spoil what is clearly a very good relationship (5 years is incredibly impressive!). Your boyfriend is being very sensible and just wants to make sure everything is perfect. I know 5 years probably seems like a long time to have waited but if you are serious about getting married to him and starting a family you will be able to wait a little longer.
2016-05-23 05:19:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of thing happens more then you know. Before you do anything, you need some time away with your wife. This will benefit both of you, it will also help by getting away from the people that bias your decision. I'm not saying it's going to save your marriage, but it will help in resolving some of the issues that led you here in the first place. After all is said and done, you will have a better idea on what to do. And if you do part wouldn't it be nice to know it didn't end in a battle. There was a reason that led you to your wife in the first place, try and see that again, if anything maybe you get to keep a friend.
2007-01-07 11:50:28 · answer #3 · answered by Aces 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you did the thearapist thing and that didn'twork so im sure your wife already knows that not getting enough sex and havning nothing in common and she's not willing to change? if this part hasn't been figured out. try sitting her down tellihng her your needs aren't being met in the sex dept. and how you both can enjoy it more.. 2ndly as far as having nothing in common have you tryed to introduce her to things you enjoy whether it be the fine arts or sports or theatre.. try this first see maybe its just that she has never gone to any of these things so doesn't know what to expect she may actually like it. if you have tryed all theese things and she still doesn't budge then something has to give here you can't nor should she expect you live in a marriage that is this way its not healthy for either of you. nor much of a life.
good luck
2007-01-07 14:03:19 · answer #4 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a bad idea to confide in, and seek advice from family members and Yahoo members concerning your marriage. Worldly advice is often an attempt to gain allies and you already know what you want.
Talk to your spouse. She is the person you should be cleaving to above all others. Tell her what's on her mind. Listen to what she has to say. Communicating with your spouse is the key.
Your friends and family have good intentions, but they are hearing your side only. Chances are they are telling you exactly what you want to hear too.
Now you're thinking you married too young? That's a convenient excuse to leave.
Why are you pointing the finger at her? Do you have a tendency to blame? That's emotional immaturity. That's not her, it's you. This is a behavior that will repeat itself no matter who you are with.
Sounds like your family has given you permission to run away.
2007-01-07 12:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife can't provide what you need and you don't have any kids, then maybe u should consider divorce. But if you still love your wife, then its difficult. Life is short, why not just enjoy every moment of our life by doing what we really want to do. Do not just listen to what other people told you what you should do, but you need to do what you really want to do. To be frustrated or to be happy for the rest of your life, its depends on yourself, not others.
2007-01-07 12:21:52 · answer #6 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all outgrow some relationships, it's part of our journey through life.
Have you ever thought maybe she feels the same?
Sometimes we have to make choices that are painful in the moment in order to make room for things that are much healthier and fruitful. This relationship may provide comfort and familiarity but it is lacking the things needed in order for you to be happy and probably for her too. You both deserve to be happy. Do what you know you need to do.
2007-01-07 12:20:39 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trying talking to her. see whats going on in her mind. maybe she needs more attention from you. work with her to try and make your marriage work. im going thru a divorce now because i got frustrated and tired. communicating and really trying from both people can make a huge difference. if it was worth 7 years....its worth 7 more.
2007-01-07 13:39:16 · answer #8 · answered by abby19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bad thing about getting married to young and to early is that you and her are not done figuring out who you want to be and when you do figure it out ya'll are to completely diffrent people ya'll need to end it before ya'll waste more of each others life
2007-01-07 11:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by Randy L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a choice only you can make but if counseling doesn't work and you don't have any children yet maybe you should consider it. Better that than to cheat.
2007-01-07 11:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by Missy Lyons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋