I'm not sure where to put this question. See details.?

Question

I've said in other Q&A that my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer that went to his brain and kidney. They found it when he started getting bad headaches that wouldn't stop. He was given 6 months if he was lucky to live. Well that has been almost 3 years ago. Here is my question. Someone I know has a husband diagnosed with the same cancer, treated the same and this one hasn't spread anywhere however he is going fast. She seems angry at me because my husband is surviving his death sentence. What can I do or say in my situation? I'm being supportive and not talking about my husband and his success. I am focused on her life when visiting.

For GG: She says Why is your husband surviving and mine isn't.? It's not fair. She points out that they have the same thing and that my husbands was worse than her husbands because his isn't anywhere else.

Answer 1

I was told right up until the day that my hubby died that he was coming home, and that they were setting up physical therapy. He died that night. ( I was only 25 with a 5 mnth old baby, and I too was angry)

Be happy for what you have and be empathetic for the other person suffering the same condition.

If they were true friends they wouldn't be jealous of the differences in the prognosis-es.

Keep doing whatever it is that you are doing. The right things to say and do will come to you.

God bless, and I hope his cancer stays in it's re-missive state, also that your friends hubby gets better.

Answer 2

My mother died within 3 weeks of discovering she had the same cancer.

At this point (3 years after her death), I am so happy that there is someone out there who has survived it for so long. Congratulations....

How does she seem "angry"? When my mom was dying, I don't think I was focusing on anything except her....are you sure this woman isn't just really too overwhelmed to talk?

Perhaps you are just feeling guilty that someone else is suffering?

In my mom's case, she was very very debilitated from decades of alcoholism, injuries (3rd degree burns from a fire, broken ribs, fractured vertebrae from cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, on medication for epilepsy, and never ate.)

I would like to think she could have survived, but she was too weak to survive any chemotherapy. Is this the case with your friend's husband?

I could completely understand a bit of misplaced resentment on her part. People when they are suffering a loss sometimes can't bear to see what they can't have.

I had a miscarriage, and the day after, someone came to visit and brought their baby with them. I refused to see her, and told my husband to make her leave when I heard her baby crying. I couldn't bear to think about babies. I was fine a few months later, but it is just the moment that is so difficult.

Mourning does crazy things to humans, but unless she has said anything to you specifically about anger, I would just let her process everything in her own way and not bring your situation into it.

Answer 3

I don't think that there is anything that you can say or do that will make her feel better. She is angry and is taking it out on you.