My fiance just reminded his 11 year old son that he didn't finish his moms Christmas gift and that he'd help him get it done so he can give it to her. My first contention is, Christmas is over. Secondly, she's a witch, he's divorced from her and I'm sick of him doing anything for her. Am I being unreasonable? She has been extremely awful since we've been together. (You know this if you've seen any of my other posts.) I'm really getting tired of dealing with her, her drama and I think that he's contributing to allowing her into our lives. I understand that he's still his children's father but I'm at a loss here and this is driving me crazy.
2007-01-07 11:01:29 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Although I'm not in a blended family, I can imagine that it can be frustrating. Still, your fiancee is the father of the woman's son. I can tell you that it is always better to "take the high road". Children remember everything and learn by example. If you show that you are a good person, that will speak volumes more than the ex's pettiness. Even though it's hard, do the right thing. In the end, you'll be glad you did. Good luck to you!
2007-01-07 11:06:11 · answer #1 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Its only driving you crazy if you LET it drive you crazy hon. If she is an evil witch it will come back to haunt her someday and you will come out on top. If you understand that he is her childrens father, then why cant you understand that he will have to do things like this for his kids every now and then? Its a harmless gesture, my ex and I dont get along at all but we still buy gifts for eachother FROM THE KIDS only so they dont feel bad that they cant get either of us anything. As for dealing with her and her drama, that is never gonna go away until the kids are grown, whether he contributes or not. She will always be in your lives because of the kids, not because of any contribution on his part. Doesnt sound like she is a priorty to your ex anymore though for the fact that christmas IS over and she has "nothing" as of yet. Dont let the little greened eyed monster emerge its ugly head here and be the bigger person. After all he IS marrying YOU.
2007-01-07 11:24:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is, and always should be about the child involved. He is doing for his son, what most children do at Christmas, make something for his mom. The child should not have to suffer simply because the adults could not get along. Your fiance is doing the right thing.
If you are tired of dealing with her, then YOU don't deal with her, but your fiance and his son always will have to deal with him. Try joining an online support group so that you can vent to other stepparents who know what you are going through.
2007-01-07 11:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by Julie c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it isn't up to you to "deal with your fiance's ex", that's his job. Your fiance was a father before he was your fiance, and he shares a child with his "ex". Until his son is an adult, there is going to be some form of communication between them. If you don't find some way to accept and deal with that, you are in for a very long and unhappy future.
It's not uncommon for a father to help his child pick out a gift for the "ex". His son is still young and until he is a little older, I don't think it's anything for you to get so upset over. I think this is less about him picking out a gift and more about your insecurity.
Talk to your fiance and explain your feelings. Successful relationships are built on love and respect, not insecurity and jealousy. He can love his son and communicate with his "ex" without taking anything away from you and the relationship you share. She's his "ex" for a reason.
Good luck.
2007-01-07 11:13:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no matter how good or bad she is, it's his son and the son loves his mom. I think it is completely right and honorable for your fiance to put his son's feelings first. When children are little i think a parent even buys a present for the other to say it is from the child. It makes the child feel good and that is what it is all about. When you choose a man with children you need to get use to that and know he will be a good parent to any children you have with him because of it.
2007-01-07 11:19:27 · answer #5 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to grow up and act like an adult. Your fiancee has a right to help his son finish his mother's gift for Christmas. It's not about the present it's about him helping his son with something he started. Your fiancee sounds like a very good father who is trying to raise his son without a lot of drama between him and the boys mother. If you don't want him involved with the boys mother, you need to break off the engagement and find a man without kids. This is his son and like it or not your fiancee is going to be involved with the boys mother until he is 18. You should have known the boys mother would be in your lives. It's time for you to either grow up or leave. It's not fair to your fiancee to demand things from him that he doesn't have a lot of control over. You need to stand up and be the bigger person and not let her bother you. That would probably shut her up faster than to know that she is irritating you.
2007-01-07 11:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by hollywood 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married! You have to realize that he is and always will be First and foremost a father and that will FOREVER link him to his ex. If you can't handle him being a good father by supporting the bond between his son and mother then YOU should leave. The only thing wrong in the situation, is you. The ex will ALWAYS be apart of your life if you marry a man with prior children.
2007-01-07 11:11:35 · answer #7 · answered by 1 Supermom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you expect? It comes with the territory. If you were divorced and had kids with an ex...wouldnt you want him to help your child buy u a gift to make the kid happy? Have you accepted his son should be his top priority. After all a girlfriend is replaceable. But his relationship with his kid is not. They will always be connected or have a bond . Are you ready to accept that ? If not find a guy who doesn't have a family yet to deal with. You don't want to be the evil step-mother now do you? Didn't you watch the Parent Trap yet?
2007-01-07 11:21:43 · answer #8 · answered by CARAMIA 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is appropriate. If he is a halfway decent father, then yes it's appropriate, and the fact that he is a devoted and caring father should turn you on, not piss you off. I think you need to leave the fiance, because the little boy will end up paying the price. Be careful how you see things, the boy is not his mother, and like other answers, you need to grow up. You can't and shouldn't make a man chose between his child or his woman....
2007-01-07 11:18:00 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd just like to emphasize three very important things people have mentioned here:
1. It's not about you.
2. Your husband is not doing it for his ex-wife but for his son
3. No matter how much you kick, scream, complain and moan, your husband will always have a stronger bond with his son than with you.
So, unless you still want your husband to stay with you and not get tired of you like he got tired with his first wife...give him a break.
Just remember that, he'll always choose his children over you...you've only got your marriage to lose.
You knew you were getting involved with a man with baggage when you married him, and you made the vow to stick with him for better or worse...now, deal with it.
2007-01-07 11:19:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋