My husband works alot - we actually work together. We have a business that we run from home. He is always busy with work. But, our love life is great except for the "no foreplay" and afterwards it's straight to sleep. By foreplay - I mean there is no flirting - nothing leading up to the bedroom. I don't want to talk to him - I'd rather try other methods to make him want to be more intimate. He already has a lot of pressure and stress from work. Any ideas???? I don't want him to think that I am not satisfied - I am just greedy - I want more. He isn't a very affectionate person - in public or private. We don't hardly go anywhere together, and when we do, I have to take his hand. Help! After 18 years (I am only 34) I need him to notice me again - outside of the bedroom!
2007-01-07 10:16:34 · 20 answers · asked by 2mom35 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To use your own words "You are greedy". I used to do the same thing (been married 38 years now), but only realized with time and age that, when you have a good thing, enjoy what you have!
He will not read your mind (no matter how much you think he should). And 'I don't want to talk to him but I'd rather try other methods to MAKE him want to be more intimate'???!!! You need to just get a grip and stop driving yourself crazy. Women (I know from experience) are always trying some kind of cat and mouse game (I used to call it "CHASE ME"), but it's too exhausting, and guys don't play that game. If you do mention it to him, do it once or twice and then DROP IT! Men NEVER like it when you keep acting needy. So if you have to take HIS hand, just do that & be happy he doesn't pull away (like a lot of men do).
Good luck, and be thankful with what you have -- I think he's probably a good man.
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2007-01-07 10:31:13 · answer #1 · answered by Maewest 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him men aren't psychic. Communication is the key to a long, lasting and fulfilling marriage which i'm sure is what you want. Your husband may even respect you more for speaking up. Maybe he thinks he's already fulfilling all of your fantasies. Give him some ideas of what you'd like to do. And they don't have to be all at once just when you both can. Unless you tell him he won't know. Hope this helps : )
2007-01-07 10:28:24 · answer #2 · answered by Lambchop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect...I am so tired of men. They all seem the same. I hate to hear this happening to other women. You deserve unconditional love and physical love. They always seem to just want to get busy never just hang out. Once sex comes into play you can really tell if it is going to work or you are just going to settle for how it is. I've been settling for to long, thanks for bringing this to my attention. For instance my recent ex who was great in bed but that was it, no flirting or foreplay, no hugs and he would just ignor me until he got cranky and wanted sex. I gave in and had sex w him even if I didn't want to just to keep him happy...So stupid, no one shuld ever do that. My body is mine and I do not have to surrender it when I am not up for it. Grrrr. My suggestion is you stop worrying about seeming needy or greedy because those negative thoughts break you down and you shouldn't be even blaming yourself. You deserve real love and someone who can make you feel worth it because you ARE. Sit him down and talk to him straight up. If he listens that is good if he gets defensive it's not worth it. Good luck. ;)
2007-01-07 10:28:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
18yrs Congratulations! and all while working together. I think you have everything it takes as a couple to work this out. I don't know why but bowling always got my husband hot and bothered. Its fun, and competitive.It involves a large heavy ball and he can watch you from behind .These seem to be big turn ons. Oh well give it a try. Good Luck
2007-01-07 10:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how come your not stressed and the both of u run a business together.i would try to spice it up.are u trying to blame is inability to be intimate on him being stressed.what i would do it try to get him to take a vacation and in the bedroom find a postion in which foreplay cant be avoided.for example edible underwear
2007-01-07 10:29:07 · answer #5 · answered by m-ria 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about giving him space! Seems like you are only concerned with your needs and you think the only needs he has are inside the bedroom. You MUST talk to him about things in a mature way with no pressure. Ask him what he would like you to do in order to bring you guys closer together.
2007-01-07 10:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by Foxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about that. Try scheduling some time on the calendar each week for a dinner out. The only rule, "We can't talk about the work."
2007-01-07 10:26:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a better wife and learn to properly care for your man- men have needs that women often don't bother to meet because they're often too busy reminding themselves that their needs aren't being met.
Read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" - you'll see how simple it is to get him to be loving and adoring. Don't try to change him- change how you deal with him and he'll change in 7 days.
2007-01-07 10:20:43 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My bf is not very affectionate at all either. Telling him so didnt work. I know he loves me because of the things he does for me. Everyone shows love differently. You just have to understand how he loves. If you can deal with it then ok. If you cant and he cant seem to conform to you then it may be time to get out. Good Luck.
2007-01-07 10:23:18 · answer #9 · answered by nease174 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want him to shake your world, you're going to have to rattle his a bit. Put your thinking cap on and set him up on a date that he will have no control. Make him run the hoops until he begs for mercy. Don't let him get the prize until you are ready.
2007-01-07 10:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋