Question about coming out?

Question

I'm 13 and I know I like girls and not guys. My parents wouldn't understand if I told them that i was lesbian. how am i supposed to be with girls without my parents knowing. I have a girlfriend but I can't have her over as much as I want and when she does come over we have to act as is we are just friends. everywhere we go we have to act as if we were just friends. There is hardly anywhere we can go to be ourselves. We can't openly kiss or hug too much and we surly can't do anything else without being found out. Why is it such a big deal if this is what i really like. This is so frustrating

Answer 1

Time to take your parents to a PFLAG meeting. It might be possible to make the relationship work, either by hiding it or even with coming out. Either way it's not going to be an easy path by the sound of it.

Answer 2

It depends on so many things.

I knew at 10 and started sleeping with guys at that age, which was way too young. I then went through a period of being straight, before going back to being gay (which I knew I was all along by the way). I certainly wouldn't advise doing it the way I did it.

Try to go to a gay youth group. Of course this depends where you live, as well as the general attitude about gay people in your local population generally. This could also be difficult if you don't tell your parents where you are going.

I would advise against sex until you are older and you know your mind better... not from a sexuality point of view, but just because you'll be more certain about what you want from life and whether or not this girl is really right for you.

Try approaching the subject with your parents from a general point of view rather than coming out to them straight away. You'll be able to guage their reactions better when you do choose the time to come out to them. When you do come out, be mature, rational and sure about it. No drama or tears as this will cause your parents even more grief.

Chances are they will be upset at first, it's always a shock. However given time they'll no doubt realise that you are what you are and that ultimately, the person you sleep with, has little bearing on anything else you do in life.

Answer 3

Seems like you have 2 options: you can stay "safe" and try to appear to be friends (though most people will eventually put 2 and 2 together) or you can set the stage for the next generation. Whenever there is something tough that needs to be looked at (civil rights, mixed marriage, LGBT rights) someone has got to step up to the plate. Fortunately for you, many men and women of earlier generations have already opened the door for you...are you going to walk through it? Or are you going to stay inside?
P.S. It's only as big a deal as we make it.

Answer 4

sparklesontheocean........... who the h*ll do you think you are !? "Dont listen to the lies of the homosexuals"...wtf is THAT !? You know, it's people like YOU, that make it hard for 'us' to 'come out' in the FIRST PLACE ! You all think you're high and mighty, and you ALL think that your friggen beliefs are 'all that'....well, i have news for you, they're NOT. It's those stupid beliefs that get people like us, hurt !!

Sweetie, to answer your question...... some of the above people are right. Keep it 'low' for now.... be "just friends" in public, untill the time is "right" for you to 'come out'. If you come out, at this young age, there will be trouble for you, no doubt. I'm not 13, but i remember BEING 13, and i remember how hard it was, to have the feelings that i did, for other girls. I came out when i was 28...and it was the hardest thing that i've ever done in my life. And yes... there were 'consequenses' in doing so. But, it's been 9 years since i came out, and things are ok. Dont rush your happiness, hon.... live your life, but for now, you might be better off, living it in "private". And i'm only saying this, because you 'are' 13.......NOT saying that you aren't old enough, or 'mature' enough to know what it is that you're feeling......just saying... that for now, keeping it private, would be "safer" for you, for emotions, and family. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

I was 18 when I met my future partner at the office.
We had to be careful too especially in the work environment. We visited each others homes and did gardening and listened to music. 3 years later we decided to purchase a house and I told my mother. She was disappointed but made the best of it and came to love us both. Her family was vile and stayed that way.
There is really no way to judge the reaction of others. Remember, your friend has family as well and they may react differently. Perhaps if you waited until you were in a more financially secure position.
Rose P.

Answer 6

I agree w/ Jeff just because you are at a young age and your still under your parents roof. If they don't agree w/ your sexual preference they may make life difficult for you. Especially if you and your friend are hanging out. I'd stay as friends and just mess around, around closed doors and private areas. I agree with you though it is frustrating and it's a shame how society in general including your own flesh and blood can not be accepting. Good Luck in the future and live your dreams.

Answer 7

at 13, i don't think you should be doing any more than hugging and kissing anyway.. but you should be able to find some private time to spend together..

best thing to do for now is pretend she is just a friend. that way you should be able to spend lots of time together in public.

but i wouldn't officially come out until you are older..

Answer 8

There is a reason you have to act as just friends, and that is because you know what you are doing is wrong. Don't listen to the lies of people that are homosexual, they will give you a hundred reasons why its ok, and you don't have to take responsibility for your actions. You will be hurt in the end, and hurt those around you. Even if you don't care about those around you, then do the right thing for yourself.

Answer 9

well, i'm a lesbian and sit them down and explain to them, and i'm 13 too, write me sometime bab, for any more advice or i want to get to know you.

[e-mail]
please write ,bye!!!

Answer 10

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