I've been sheltered and enabled as a child now it is REALLY difficult to work. Advice?

Question

I never did anything, everything was handed to me, I never had to make my own way and now as an adult, I find it hard to adjust especially to work. Everytime I get a job that I don't like I feel that I can just quit.
How do I stop beating myself up?

Thank you for your concern and your advice! I really appreciate this!

Answer 1

You're a really good person I can tell, and intelligent because you already know what is bothering you and you're honest about it. You just need to make yourself stick to one job consistently, no matter what happens, then you will start having more confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Also you need to look back at things you have accomplished (maybe graduated high school, been a loyal friend to someone, maybe you have served on a church committee, or maybe you're a good cook ) and praise yourself daily about these things. I am sure you have accomplished alot if you just think about it. Get some sticky notes and write your accomplishments and positive affirmations on them and put them around your house in places that you will see them everyday.
Be consistent, keep your job, get some clear goals lined out for yourself and stick to them. Persistence is the major key to accomplishments.

Answer 2

You may get called "spoiled," and people may make fun of your predicament, but trust me, I understand.

One way to stop a destructive cycle of behavior/guilt/behavior/guilt is to understand how it started. Very few people realize that "spoiling" (sheltering and enabling is a better phrase) can be a form of child abuse. It's like propping up a growing plant and then taking away all supports -- it's likely to fall right over. Would you prevent a child from taking physical exercise so that it's limbs have no muscles, and then blame the child for its weakness as an adult? Children need to be given age-appropriate responsibility and in this way become prepared for adult responsibilities. Your parents, for whatever reason, did not take the time to do this one thing for you, as they did everything else. However, unlike other kinds of abuse, the motive almost surely was misguided love, and you must not blame them either.

OK, so you're a product of your upbringing. We all are. Now you face a choice: will you be a victim or a survivor? Will you let it beat you, or will you triumph?

As with any new behavior, taking responsibility involves little steps and refusing to let anyone enable you to backslide. You're not going to become a workaholic overnight. Give yourself credit for every little accomplishment. Set another tiny goal, a little harder. Don't look at a job as a ball and chain for the rest of your life, just suit up and show up one day at a time, and at the end of the day, remember what you did right. Try to find work in an area that interests you -- if you like books, in a bookstore, for example -- so at least when it seems like pure drudgery, you can look around and remind yourself of something that makes you happy about your job. If you hate fish and work at a fish cannery, you aren't going to last long.

Basically, instead of having unrealistic expectations and blaming yourself when you fail to meet them, have small, attainable expectations and reward yourself for accomplishing them. That's what a loving parent does. Be your own parent.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sit down and make a list of things you enjoy doing, whether it's skating, watching movies, or exercising. Make another list of things you are good at, whether it's putting together an outfit or making people smile or advanced physics. Now, look at those two lists. Do some things show up on both lists? Do any of them add up in combinations that point to a job?

A career counselor would help you do this same kind of thing, but where you obviously aren't sure what it is you want to do, the counselor would be able to look at it unbiasedly. They may point you to a career path you hadn't even considered. And you know what? It may end up being the most fulfilling thing you've ever done and you'll be happy and challenged for the rest of your life.

But even it it's something you enjoy doing, it's not always going to be easy. During the summer while I'm not at college, I'm a counselor at a camp. Those kids sure know how to put you through hell and back. Somedays I just want to quit, say screw it, and get a job at a movie theater, something easy and a bit more predictable. But then the day is over, I go to bed, wake up the next day, and I'm ready to face it again. Because I know that what I'm doing for these kids and the satisfaction I get from my job is worth ten times the annoyance of kids bickering and the sometimes short-sightedness of other staff.

And, you might want to check out tickle.com, especially the career section. I've linked to a Career Interest Inventory quiz. Yeah, tickle is a quiz website, but unlike a lot of them, they make sense! Memebership is free and a lot of the quizzes have given me a lot of insight.

Answer 4

You shouldn't beat yourself up...you didn't ask to be spoiled. No one does. Does your family still try and pick up the slack for you when you do quit a job, paying your bills, food, etc? They need to stop so that you can stand on your own two feet for a change. Unless you want this taken-care-of pattern to continue, you must stand up for yourself and hold yourself accountable for your own actions from here on in. Tell your family (I'm assuming) that while you appreciate all that they have given you over the years, they won't be there forever and you need to learn how to fend for yourself at some point in time. Could they please step back and let you do this? If you fall flat on your face the first few times, don't go running to them for a band-aid, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again! If you have the education and the drive to succeed at this, there will be no stopping you, once you get started.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Okay, your an Adult now. It is time to take responsibility and learn how to apply yourself. We all have to do things in this life that we don't like. Regardless of what did or did not happen to us in our childhoods. Part of being an adult is moving past the past and looking to the future. Decide what you want to do, realize that there are parts of every job that you won't like and go for it. When it comes down to the nuts and bolts of it all...you gotta take the good with the bad, suck it up and grow up. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Go to a job services office, they have aptitude tests to help find jobs that you would be most interested in. It might surprise you to find out what you're good at. Good luck.