My boss said that I lack confidence and aggressiveness in my communication at work. How can I improve? I am...

Question

sure that he meant "assertivness", not actually agressiveness. I am not sure how to proceed? I am somewhat unconfident since I have only been at this job for about a month and a half. This is my first professional job out of college (I had other jobs for about 10 years without this degree). This position is more managerial and I need to show that I have all the skills to do the job. What are some ways to start being more assertive without going to extremes? I would love some input from other women or anyone who has dealt with this type of scenario.

Answer 1

Would have to see you in action to know for sure. But some common mistakes non-assertive managers make are:

Asking instead of telling someone to do something.

Ending sentences with a question mark.

Using cutsie/flirtatious talk, especially with opposite sex employees.

Wanting to be everyone's friend.

Implying that you'll do the work if they don't want to.

Answer 2

This is from a guy but advice should be the same. (I firmly believe that the idea that women need special approaches is flawed. )

First, if you "lack confidence" and are in a managerial job, I'm a bit surprised.

In any case, what should you do? Step outside the box. Why are you perceived in this manner?

Second, be careful. There is a fine line between being assertive and being a dictator. Look to be the enlightned leader type!!! Lead by example. Don't be afraid to acknowledge the expertise of others. be confident when its justified. When its not, "own the problem" and be assertive in making sure the best solution is applied and that credit is given where its due.

As a boss however I have noticed ONE MAJOR FLAW IN MANY FEMALE managers. This is the ABILITY to give TIMELY constructive critism. Women are SOMETIMES to afraid to give their employees the feedback they need when they need it. If you have an issue with an employee, address it DIRECTLY, address it EARLY and address it PRIVATELY. That is preferable to firing them later and feeling bad about it. If you ever have to fire someone, at least make sure, they were given a "fair" chance. Don't be mean but don't be afraid to tell people very directly when they don't meet the standard.

You follow my advice and a bit more common sense and you will be respected. Confidence comes from getting things done.

Answer 3

I think that one of the most confident things anyone can do is to stand behind their decisions.
Even if you made a wrong call, you should stand your ground.
You should say, "Sure, ??? may have worked better in the end, but at the time, these were the facts, this was the situation. I had to make a decision, so I did. I stand by it and would make the same one again in the same situation."
Let them know that you deserve to be there and that you want to be there.
Stand up straight, listen intently and don't ever let them see you sweat.
I wouldn't, however, tell people to do things instead of asking. If you do that, your co-workers will not like you. Who cares?? You will when they don't have your back or they blame you for something you didn't do. You can ask someone to do something, and all the while, they know it's not an option. It's just about being assertive.
Good luck!

Answer 4

Complicated, unable to go into great detail here. Entire books have been written about this topic!!!!

Perhaps an anecdote will convey some advice.

I am a substitute school teacher. Notes are left by regular teacher telling me what to do in the classroom.

Typically, male teachers will write, "The students WILL xxxx whatever." Female teachers almost always write, "The students SHOULD xxxwhatever."

Other examples exist. Often referred to as "waffle words" too many females do not make declarative statements.

Too concerned with positive relations, females forego the simplicity of declarative statements by using convoluted statements that are too often open to interpretation.

Blame for this trait is often placed upon acculturation but recent biological studies of the females brain points towards a basis in how the female brain is hard-wired.

You will likely need training to become assertive. Beware, however, that assertiveness does not mean raising one's speaking volume, casting threats about, etc.

Sadly, the political correctness of today's society does not allow the conveying of the real problem; females are not designed by millions of years of evolution to compete with males.

Answer 5

There are some things/traits about our personalities that we cannot change - we are who we are. However, there are some things that you can build on, such as being more assertive, self-confident. Unfortunately, these are things that shine through and are noticeable, especially when someone is looking. You can take courses that will help to strengthen you in those areas. Aslo, as time goes and you become more comfortable in your position, your self-confidence will grow and with that you will become more assertive - then they'll complain about something else. So, don't worry, just go with the flow, it will all come naturally. Good luck and watch your back.

Answer 6

You may want to read a book called: The Art of Verbal Self Defence...People that are not confident in supervisory positions, tend to be percieved as aggressive when they belittle or demean another person or make them appear insignificant. Kindness goes a long way, even in management.

Answer 7

If you are a natural person you should try cognitive behavioral therapy. It was the only thing that has helped me with my horrible health anxiety. Read here https://tr.im/KoaCq

Your thinking determines your quality of life. Your thinking is what causes you these feelings:

Anxious, fearful, stressed or depressed
Constantly worried, or angry about something that is happening in your life
Struggling to overcome obsessive and negative thoughts.

If you change your thinking, you will change your life. This is the basic idea behind CBT for anxiety. The Cognitive part is where you learn nee methods and ways to change your same old habits and thinking patterns. If you keep thinking and expecting the worst – You will continue to suffer.

Answer 8

Set deadlines for people for work you delegate to them. Hold them to YOUR deadline.

If you have deadwood in your deparment, talk with them, you may have to fire someone. Nothing will get the bosses' attention like firing some deadwood's butt.

Watch your posture, stand straight, call people to your office more often then going begging to their desk.

Don't dress is all that frilly, stuff . . . if you do. Business attire not club or party attire.

If you disagree with the boss, don't wither, tell him you think that he is wrong, really put him in the hot seat . . .When, Where, Why does he think that way.

Answer 9

convalescing the verbal replace potential contains progression of language besides as sharpening the content . a similar component if one tells in a polite way , utilizing perfect words might want to be staggering and ideal to the human beings quite than suffering for words or spoken rudely .

Answer 10

Your boss is an idiot, unless he means by aggresivness that you dont open your mouth in the first place. If he means italian temper by aggresivness biz can do without it.