How can I encourage my wife to dress better?

Question

She constantly watches that show, 'What not to wear', but she must not be paying attention, or doesn't think it applies to her.

If I buy her anything, she gets angry and won't wear it.

If I ask her to wear 'anything' while we're makin it, she refuses.

I've basically given up after about six years of 'gently' asking. When we first we together, she would fulfill my requests and actually wear what I gbought for her, but that's gone away.

Even though it shouldn't bother me too much, it does. I guess I'm the typical male that's wired for visual effect.

Communication seems to be one-sided on this subject. I try to look nice all the time and take her advice, when offered. I have good taste, trust me. That's not the issue.
Don't most women want to look good for their husband?
What am I missing here?

Most people read and can comprehend my question. ?????

I haven't prodded or asked in six years!
For the first three-four years, she dressed well, took good care of herself and would happlily accomadate my requests for 'simple' intimate apparrel.

Now, she's overweight and wears clothes that her 72 year old frend gives her. She's 38.

Her weight and appearence are a delicate subject and when I do seldomly approach the subject, it is with the utmost care and and kindness I can muster.

Unlike most women, she doesn't want to talk too much. I just don't know how to go about it. The DIRECT approach hasn't worked, and her friends definately won't butt in.

I don't say ANYTHING.
Like they say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" That's what I do....

I can't lie to her either
I wrestle with this issue on a daily basis. It's tough because I love her dearly and would never hurt her, yet I still am who am, and I can't change that. I'm not the one that has changed.

Picture George Clooney marrying Rene Zelwiger, then six years later she looked and dressed like Rosie O'Niel.
Would he be a happy man?

I asked a sincere question looking for ideas to help my situation. Not looking for judgement as I am aptly qualified to that all on my own. Thank You.

Answer 1

At home i wear what ever cause i live on a farm and won/t wear nice things out side, when we do go out i dress better and put on makeup and jewelry to look a bit special and if my husband says he likes me in this or that i will wear it just to please him, i do not know what your wife's trip it but she is being a bit*ch for what ever reason she has up her butt . tell flat out the truth will set you free

Answer 2

You know what I have discovered....a woman who won't dress up, look nice and take care of herself is depressed. I should know. Been there, done that.

However, I would stop buying her clothes. It is possible that she feels you are trying to dominate her and tell her what to do and what to wear. Let her dress as a slob. If she has friends, they will eventually make comments. In fact, she may run into someone and end up being embarrassed.

My advice is don't say anything anymore about how she dresses. If she makes any attempt to even look halfway nice, compliment her and make a big deal out of it. Otherwise, zip the lips.

Answer 3

Sometimes in life you get tired of trying to please someone and you give up maybe she is at that point. Why not try to complement her no matter what wears and that might give her the confidence to do better. A lot of men think if you like the present you shouldn't care about the wrapping right, sometimes when you wrap gifts it doesn't matter if the paper is out of season or all crumpled up you don't give that part much thought. Do you like the present if you do let it go and if you don't maybe that is the problem and not the wrapping.

Answer 4

So the question isn't for day to day wear, but intimate wear?
Try wearing a thong around and see how you like it. Maybe what turns you on is extremely uncomfortable to her. Of maybe she doesn't feel comfortable in the stuff she used to wear if her body has changed. Give her a certificate to a lingerie store and tell her to treat herself to whatever she wants. Tell her you are going to have a nice intimate dinner at home (you cooking, candles, etc.) and you want her to surprise you. This way she can get something she is comfortable in, but still has to buy for the occasion, and won't spend it all on support bras.

Answer 5

My husband would love for me to dress nicer as well. I don't because I know that if I do he would come up to me and want to get busy all the time and I am not getting what I need from the relationship, such as him helping with the dogs and chores, so why the hell should he get what he wants - a nice looking lady and consistent action?

My point is that maybe the issues is deeper than just her clothing choices.

Answer 6

Um...Yes most women want to look good for their mate..married or not. Not enough info on your marriage to truly give you a good answer on this. Maybe if you got her a gift card to a certain store and encourage her to go pick something out for a special date?? Tell her when and what time the date is...and go from there. You sound like you are doing everything right and that there may be some things bothering your wife. But like I said up above..not enough info on your life and marriage to really give a good answer. Good Luck

Answer 7

I know exactly where you are coming from. This sounds like my wife. It almost seems that they refuse to be attractive out of spite. This is a mystery. I really think women see all of the supermodels and movie actesses and what not and think because they have gained a few extra pounds they cant compete so they stop trying.

Men are not as shallow as most women think we are.We know that women that we see in the media are the exception. Saying that, a sexy woman start from the inside. If you do not see a sexy woman on the outside, there is not one on the inside. Why? I don't know. I like you take care of myself and have good taste and I am fashionable as well. I don't know why married women behave this way.

And as soon as we say something, we are being overly critical and we get a butt load of excuses. It's not even the worth the argument. It funny, my wife is faithful and would never cheat on me, but sometimes I feel like I would trade that in just to get her to take pride in her appearance.

Answer 8

It seems as if you are trying to soften the truly harsh blow you have thrown at her ego. You say it is something you are subtle and kind with - but as I kept reading it doesnt seem that way to me. You may intend it to be kind - but it doesnt sound like it comes out that way. It reminds me of the statement: "dont take this personally...." - which is soooooooooo false it is not funny. If you have to say "dont take it personally" than it automatically becomes personal no matter how you try it not to be.
Maybe - when you are asking/suggesting she wear other things it is telling her that you just arent liking what she presently wears....and therefore you are not attracted to her. This idea alone can kill anyone's ego- especially if it coming from her husband-the one who should NEVER judge her!!!!!
ALSO, try to remember - when she gets dressed - it shouldnt be about you at all, or about soley pleasing you. "We women" (as you so kindly refered to us as) DO dress so that our husbands like it - but ALSO to make ourselves comfortable in how we look. Dont get me wrong - it is a benefit if the hubby likes what he sees - but it is NOT a REQUIREMENT. When pointing out what you dont like - the idea of dissapointing you is out there, and can not be taken back. I would like to know how often you have ever pointed out what you do like - with no other suggestions? Just a "man, honey - you look great today".
You mentioned having good taste - use it and stop worrying about what your wife LOOKS like - she is your wife, your best friend, and your life partner. Enjoy her and take less time judging the materialistic things such as her clothes.

Answer 9

Have you tried asking her why she doesn't like to dress nice for you? Obvously you've tried everything you can think of to get her to do this and it sounds like you went about it in the right way. Now it's just up to her and it sounds like it's not something she is in to. You might suggest marriage counceling, they can help her work thru her insecurities or her feelings of not wanting to do things that please you.

I would feel uncomfortable wearing clothing like that. Fortunately my husband doesn't ask me to do this but if he were to ask, I would most definately refuse.

Some women just don't like to dress up like that. I don't know why but they just don't.

At the beginning of a relationship, we all put our best foot forward, hide our bad sides and try to do what we feel would make the other person more interested in us. But when we finally 'catch' them and get use to their mannerism, likes and dislikes we feel more comfortable with ourselves around them and revert back to our old ways. Men do it and women do to.

Answer 10

i will bypass over undies going out with my husband. yet to no longer the factor all of us else can see and comprehend. Then while we get the place we are going for the night i will whisper in his ear that i'm no longer wearing undergarments. Then that's soooo humorous to visual exhibit unit him squirm in his seat and all the way homestead.... of direction we could provide up someplace on the way homestead for extra action... if he won't be able to wait.