Did counseling work for you?

Question

Has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone who had anger/rage/abusive tendencies who went to counseling?

Did it help your relationship?
Was there a singnificant change?
Are you happy you stayed and gave it a chance or do you wish you had cut your loses and moved on?
Was the relationship really fulfilling if you stayed or just "better" then it was before?
Did you leave and then find out later that he/she got worse or better with their next partner?

Just trying to get a feel from other experineces of people if someone can really "get it" with serious counseling or a wake up call.

Most interested in people who have left an abusive man and if he changed with his next partner. I know everyone says they never change but if you can share a concrete example I wouldreally appreciate it. Like did you find out your ex is treating his new gf better or worse then you.

Lots of questions I know LOL
Answer what you'd like.
Thanks for your time :)

Answer 1

I have Bipolar Disorder. I have to deal with uncontrolled anger, rage and abusive tendencies every day. Although I have not been abusive to anyone except myself, I sometimes have the desire to break the nose of those who insist on being nosey and get into my business.

Medication and therapy have helped A LOT!

Did it help my relationship? YES

Was there a significant change? YES - My wife and I argued a lot. Mostly over little insignificant things. And yes my being Bipolar contributed to most of the arguements. Our children could feel the tention between us. When I realized that maybe I needed counciling myself I immediately responded. I took 6 weeks off work and met once a week with my therapist. I take Seroquel to control my previously uncontrolable tendensies and Lamictal for other reasons. Now my wife and I hardly ever even disagree much less argue. She is happier, my kids are happier and I am much happier. With the new medicines I take I can remain calm and see the world through a more reasonable view.

Am I happy I stayed? YES - I would have been terribly miserable without my wife and 4 children. Leaving was never an option for me. I knew if I got the correct medical and mental treatments things would improve. They did.

Was my relationship really fulfilling or just better? YES - At first it was just better. That was all I wanted. Then it became more fulfilling as each day passed. I now have a wonderful family and I pat myself on the back for swallowing my pride and accepting responsibilities.

People can and do really "get it" with proper counciling. Knowing I was Bipolar and needing therapy helped me to set goals. Small ones at first to achieve a since of accomplishment. Long term goals to give me purpose. I am happy to say "I got it".

I am now in my second marriage. I am possitive if you asked my first wife if I had changed she would most definately say yes. My second marriage however was not any better than my first until I sought counciling. I did not know or at least I didn't realize I needed counciling in my first marriage. If I did I would now be married to my first wife for 21 years. Although I regret my divorce from my first wife I know for a fact that both she and I have found happiness in another relationship. She has now been married for at least 16 years to a good man that I knew even before she married him. They have 2 kids and she and I are polite and speak to one another when we see each other. (small town, we see each other at the local stores all the time) I have now been married to my second wife for 14 1/2 years. As I said earlier we have 4 kids.

Therapy works! It worked for me. BUT ... therapy can only do so much. It took some hard work to improve our relationship. I do not regret putting forth the effort to make it work. I am now much happier than I have ever been and my marriage is very fulfilling.

Thank you for asking your questions. It gives someone like me the chance to give others hope with my own story of overcoming.

Answer 2

Im answering this as a part time counselor having done inter-personal relationships as well as anger management and several other areas. The biggest thing in any counseling is the person really wants help and to change whatever it is that bothers them. They have to be honest to the counselor and themselves and to anyone else involved. With a open mind and heart counseling does help and I have witnessed people change their behavior. I have saved many a relationship that was headed for disaster, but have had some not even God himself could help. True, many ended and moved on to a better relationship taking with them lessons learned from the first. If hatred has set in solidly between both parties, its virtually impossible to overcome except to seperate the couple before they killed each other. Sometimes some couples were never destined to be together and for whatever reason they did only to bring out the worst in each other instead of the best. A relationship is not always the answer for some people. I have just about heard every excuse people can dream of to destroy their spouse and relationship except on how to save their lives. So counseling can only help someone change their behavior sometimes but nothing is guaranteed to work or last. Good luck

Answer 3

Yes and yes to questions # 1 and # 2.
50 -50 on question # 3 and on # 4 "better than before".

A PhD counseling psychologist friend of mine tells me that the odds are pretty much as you stated in your last paragraph.
Most individuals with anger/rage/abusive tendencies only get the wake up call when a court has ordered them into counseling.

Answer 4

I can only tell you my experience...my ex was verbally abusive to me. When I kicked him out when I found out he was cheating as well..I went to counseling. I learned a lot about my feelings and about why he did the things he did. It gave me a outsider;s view on things. I know now that when he does lash out on me...that its about him and not me. That I am NOT a bad person. I went for about 6 weeks and then decided that I am strong enough to not need it anymore. It was worth every single penny I paid to go! Hope this helps!

Answer 5

I find that counseling works if you make it work. Simply chatting with the counselor is counter productive. Set goals for your self, make a list, keep a diary. Something that helps you remember what you need to tell the counselor the next time you meet.

Answer 6

yeah it did, im not married or anythig but my mom and dad took a class and it realy helped ! thank god ! im 12. I have a consular and they nice if ur stressed out in any way. goood luck ! Oh and get a girl if ur a girl get a boy if ur a boy its nice to have the same gender sometimes, they have a tendisy to no more of what ur talking about.

Answer 7

Yes , I went , it worked , I got a divorce .

Answer 8

NO IT DIDN'T. i hate counciling. yet it elps other people. just make sure you feel comffortable talking with other people. that was my problem. i didn't like talking to strangers.