having a tough time with my mother about my 9mth old daughter...help?

Question

I am a 33 year old single mom. I live with my mom and dad, who are wonderful. Yet I am having a difficult time as my mom will not leave my daughter alone. If it is playtime, mom is on the floor with her, if I get up from feeding her to rinse a dish, mom is entertaining her. I don't want to sound ungrateful cuz I am anything but.......I just find it very difficult when my daughter will only go to my mom and not to me. My mother knows this as we have talked about it and she sees my daughter doing this. What can I do. I have asked mom to just back off a little and that happens for a short period of time. I know it is my job to do bottles and laundry and everything else but I just want to know that my daughter will come to me.....which she never does if my mom is there. I go back to work in 4 weeks and the baby will be with mom full time. I am worried my baby thinks My Mom is her mother and not me. My mom told me that my daughter thinks of me as her "big sister". No, I am MOM!

Answer 1

you are and you need to assert yourself and show dominance, it's purely become a power struggle between you and your mother. i have to wonder if things were tense between you two growing up. you birthed him, behaviors have to change for the benefit of the child, with two mothering figures fighting for presidence in this child's life he will only become confused. you can tell your mother as much, if she cares for him and not the selfish whim of caring for something young and needy she will understand and back off her advances.

i would also recommend working hard to move out and put some space between you, after all it's hard to tell your mother what to do in her own home when you are intruding. it's the whole alpha matriarch thing

Answer 2

I know as a single mom it is hard. Maybe you should put her into daycare while you are at work that way it gets her out away from you mom and she can learn how to be around other kids and people. Talk to your mom and tell her that you are grateful but you are the mom not her and she needs to back off and tell her not just for a short time either. I think the daycare would be the best thing for your daughter. Good Luck to you

Answer 3

Move out or deal with it. In any case your daughter knows who is who, your mom is just pulling your strings because she can. Your child knows just as you would know if you saw her for the first time today. Its an instinct. But you'll both be happier once your out on your own. To your mom you are and always will be her baby, she needs to let go and look at you as a Mother an an adult. Its hard on your own but you chose to have this child now tend to your responsibilities. I'm not trying to be hard on you but come on, 33 and still at home?

Answer 4

Oh, that's very selfish of her! She should sit back and enjoy seeing you bond with your baby. If she is 9 months old then can you rinse the dishes while she sits in her high chair? I am sure you can sing to her and play peek-a-boo behind the dish towel to keep her entertained while you rinse dishes.

It's really bad for you and your Mom to fight for her attention because it is equally important for your daughter to learn to enjoy quiet time, time playing alone and to self soothe and if your Mother is entertaining her during what would be quiet moments then she won't learn these things and that's going to cause you a lot of other problems later. You can confirm this at your next Baby doctor appointment and then relay that to your Mom.

Answer 5

My sister was in the exact situation you are in with her daughter. She had to work and mom had to babysit. It got pretty intense! What finally happened is, my sister had to move out into her own apartment, and hire a babysitter. I KNOW this is not what you want to hear, if for nothing else because of the expense. But, your daughter will continue to become attached to your mother as long as you live there. My wife's son from her first marriage did the exact same thing when my wife moved home after her divorce. It took YEARS to get that kid to listen to his mom, and not his grandparents. He's 30 now, and it had a not-so-good effect on his development. I don't know where you live, but you might be able to get help from social services to get an apartment and provide for child care while you work. One thing for sure. When your child bonds to grandma, there's no "un-bonding" and your word will NEVER be law to your child.

Answer 6

OK, I am not trying to be rude, but I may come across that way. The dishes can wait! Sit with your daughter and play with her like your mom would. Sit in the floor and play with her sit at the table and play with her. Take her out just you and her for a walk or something like that. Be interactive with YOUR child! As for your mother, tell her this is not her child. You appreciate her help but this is just her grand child. You are in no way this child's sister. If she keeps up then tell her again. Good luck!

Answer 7

this could be tough, and mabey a little agrivating. I suggest talking to your mom again, and tell her your feelings. As far as your daughter. a girl always knows who her mom is. Times will get better. My kids pick their grandma over me when we are at their house also. Kids love their grandparents, and that should be great. Be glad that they are around. My father won't have anything to do with my kids. He thinks alcohol is more important. Enjoy the chance you are giving your kid. Go back to work. your daughter will be excited to see you when you arive home after being gone for hours. Just be sure to say you love her every day, and give plenty of hugs and kisses.

Answer 8

You are in a tough situation. If it were finacially possible, I would say move out. that way you will be the only one with your daughter and she will just go to grandmas when you work. I know it is not always financially possible, we lived with my parents for a while when my son was @ one. But both my parents and my husband worked. I stayed home with my son. Maybe look into low income housing. Good Luck.

Answer 9

a million, don't be so not hassle-free on your self, you're literally not doing some thing incorrect. little ones are extremely not hassle-free artwork at this degree because they're into each little thing and they do no longer have an oz of expertise. 2, gate the steps, block the plugs and eliminate any risky supplies out of her way. settle for that your position is going to get trashed for the subsequent three hundred and sixty 5 days and examine out to let the mess wash over you. 3- connect a play team and examine out to get out of the homestead daily. childrens that age love being round different childrens, no matter if or not they're nonetheless doing parallel play. 4- get to understand different father and mom with little ones and invite them round to play at your residence and also you may visit them in go back 5- supply her a low factor cupboard on your kitchen and fill it with each of the plastic bowls and unbreakable things you've. let her play with that stuff once you're operating contained in the kitchen 6 - get a sandpit, little ones love them 7 - sign in for a kiddie song classification 8 - Take a deep breath, do not anticipate too a lot from your self, pat your self on the lower back for paying for this a techniques with a pastime nicely carried out. you've were given about yet another 18 months of this in the previous she comes out the different end of the toddler tunnel. So encompass your self with different father and mom and childrens and keep smiling!

Answer 10

i know exactly what you mean! but it was my mother-inlaw. it is very hard, but please believe that your little girl knows you are mommy. my daughter is now 14, she is very close to her grandmom. and i am happy about their relationship. you will see when you go back to work, how she will be so happy to see you when you come home. try and look at it this way, wouldn't you rather have your mom be like this with your little girl then anyone else? it is something you will treasure forever! best of luck to you!