Question for gay men or people of the queer community!?

Question

I'm a gay male living in San Francisco, and I know SF is not like any other city, but I've lived in other queer communities and there's a commonality within every city I've lived in, and that is that majority (not all) gay men are "just about sex."

Gay men have more clubs and bath houses for sex than any other group within the queer community. Gay men have festivals that celebrate sex (ex Circuit parties), and internet websites that are geared for only "hook ups." The stereotype of gay men, is that we don't have long term or serious relationships, but the stereotype of lesbians is that they are more serious about long term relationships.

So my question is:

Do you think promiscious behavior and non-commitment relationships is an important part of gay male culture? And do you think gay male culture encourages this sort of behavior?

Please answer intelligently, I'm not hear to insult my own community but I just want some perspectives.

I know my question sounds very judgemental, and I'm not saying whether its right or wrong to be promscious trust me I know alot of straight people who are just as promscious, I'm just wondering whether this sort of behavior is something gay men encourage.

Answer 1

It by no means is an 'important part' of the culture. However, it is a very visable part. There are a lot of gays that have never been to a bath house or a circuit party. But you never hear about a couple guys that sit at home at watch football.

Answer 2

The first logical explanation about something like this is the fact that gay men are just that...Men! It has been proven time and time again that men think of sex differently than women. Whether it is true or not, is yet still a question in my mind, because I never do follow those studies as 75% of the time, they are proven wrong a few years later. So is it possible that is the reasoning behind this? Maybe, but I doubt it.

Second, would be the fact that many gay people feel as though they have a class that they have to fit into in order to actually be gay. It is a bit sickening to see something like this. It reminds me of the days that I thought I had to dress and act a specific way to listen to a type of music. It is all about the "first" person that "defined" the characteristics of a specific group of people. This, along with my last point, is the only thing that I can see being a reason for your findings.

My last point that, like I mentioned, ties into my second, would be the fact that all the gay men that live in these communities, are like this. Either to fit in, or just because that is what they are all about. The reason does not really matter. What matters is the fact that there are only a handful of gay communities around the U.S. but a dozen handfuls of gay men. Gay men live all over, and most that I have met, do not fit the stereotype that TV and movie put on the orientation. My suggestion is, if this type of thing bothers you, relocate. Gay men are all over the place, and are not too hard to find.

Answer 3

Promiscious behavior and non-commitment relationships is not an important part of gay male culture. It is just quite common, since you are dealing with the mutual sexual urges of two males, and there is not any "conservative" or "slutty" label to be put to any of them. Straight people do the same, look all the pregnant women around and the reason they are no worse than us, is the cultural judgement towards a girl who has lots of sex. Also, this is not always the case, since many gay males are into commited relationships, I am in one too and I am also monogamous by nature and values. In other words: Males are always into sex and is the first thing they want to do if not the only. Gay males can simply put easier it into practice than straight males.

Answer 4

I live in Canada and I don't find the overt promiscuity within our gay community. Most of my friends are in stable relationships and several of us are married. We have a strong vibrant community but we are not exclusive to that scene as we can go anywhere as a couple and for the most part there is no discrimination. I thinks societies non acceptance of gay relationships leads to a mentality of if I can't have a relationship and a family then what is left but promiscuity. It is funny, but since Canada has recognized Gay marriage, AIDS infections among gays has dropped and children who were previously considered unadoptable (i.e. over the age of six) are now finding homes in same sex homes.

I think that if you marginilize a portion of society, that group will react accordingly. Many people think partnership registries should be enough, but don't realize they are telling you, you are not good enough to have the whole thing. So gay men react by forgoing relationships and taking part in risky behaviour.

Oh there is still that portion of the gay population that fit the stereotype trying to capture that vibe of the 80's when we had no rights and our orientation was hidden, but to me this is becoming a smaller segment, we no longer have to congregate among our kind but can go openly wherever we please. I have been to so many str8 clubs recently where easily a quarter of the patrons were gay and lesbian and no one cared. Its not perfect yet and there are still pockets of resistence, but to really realize the change one only has to look at our current prime minister's attempt to open the question again against gay marriage and was soundly defeated with fully a third of his own party voting against the measure.

I don't know if this really answers your question but it is my perspective on this issue.

Answer 5

I am answering this behalf of my dearest friend,shaun.

He is such a handsome man with so many good qualities in him yet all the guy hes met so far only want a quick fun time.

We have come to a conclussion that,whilst being gay isn't wrong anymore and people are much more open toward this, many of them are still undecided, unsure and most prob, ashame of their decision, esp those who are in a reputable position in a company (well, unless they are in fashion ind, others are still quite critical abt having a gay superior)

Sad as it is, they will be known as straight, but deep inside them, they knw what really satisfy them hence make it an ONS.

Answer 6

I've never been to a bath house, I don't even know where one is. Never been to a circuit party, a website for a hook up, a sex festival, any of it. Not promiscious, same relationship for 20 years, so I guess by the standards set forth by you I'm a lousy homosexual.

Answer 7

The word gay was associated with flamboyance and style, hence "Don we now our gay apparel" (from the song "Deck the Halls"), "gay nineties" (1890s) and "gay Paris" in the late 1800s. Oscar Wilde was the epitome of gay. After it became publicly known that Wilde was homosexual in 1895, the word began to have a sexual undertone. By the 1920s it was being used to describe homosexuals, mostly among homosexuals themselves or those sympathetic to homosexuals. In the 1960s, the word became more commonly used among the general population and by the 1970s was the term was widely used to refer to homosexual people.

Answer 8

Heterosexuals can be just as promiscious, it is so ingrained in our society that there is no need for special bars for it. It was common at college for the guys to have a different woman every weekend for the whole semester.

Answer 9

gay men do not have the same stigma as straight people that sex is wrong or shameful. also, there are no sensititivities about "proper" etiquette between men and women, so gay men are able to enjoy sex without expectations and strings... certainly, it's healthy and joyous, as long as everyone is safe.

Answer 10

i do not think promiscuous behavior is an important part of the gay male culture,and the gay man culture in no way encourages this,you don't have to be gay to be promiscuous,plenty of strait couples/people are very promiscuous too.its unfair to think one is more than the other.