Runaway 13yr old told she can live where she wants by social workers. Is this right?

Question

My 13 yr old cousin ran away last February. She was told by social workers that as was 13 she cud live where she wanted. She has ran away from about 8 places in 12 months. None of them were care homes only 1 was a foster home. All others were friends and relatives. She was having sex with 5 or more lads at a time in the park, drinking an doing drugs. She was completely out of controll, as the social workers and the police didn't seem to be bothered. The social workers allowed her to stay at a house which was known to use drugs and the woman was unstable herself and My cousin sed she didn't want to be there as she was being abused n black mailed. We are not allowed any where ear the house as the woman tuk an injuction out on my cousins mom n family. It all came to a head christmas eve when she went out and was raped. She is now back home and doesn't talk or want to go out. She doesn't want to go to skool cuz every1'll be talking about her. Social workers are a waste space in my opinion

She didn't come from an abusive home. She ran away because her moms boyfriend had moved in and she didn't like that fact that he told her that she had to be in B4 9.30pm. Which I think is a reasonable time. She had always done as she pleased. The social worker put it all down to lack of parenting skills.The social worker herself is a single woman with no children of her own.(wot does she know about parenting skills?) She ran away from all the other places for the same reason, she didn't like being told wot to do. In my opinion the social worker made it far to easy for her to keep running away, as she knew she cud just move onto the next house and nothing wud be done. I think she shud have been put into secure accommadation for her own safety. As for her having under aged sex the social worker was asked wot wud happen to her if she became pregnant and all she sed was that social wud support her. Wot does that tell teenagers? Get pregnant and social will give u a flat!!!!!

Answer 1

The social worker was very very wrong, but make sure you have the whole story, because this seems very unbelievable to me. A thirteen year old has NO business doing any of those things, and she needs to be kept on a tight leash, was the original home that she ran away from an abusive one? That would be the only justification and a weak one at that.

Answer 2

The system has failed another child. It is very sad that so many kids go in and out of foster care.

She not only needs discipline but also counseling to get to the root of her problems of not listening.

I hate to say this but the mom is also to blame. I am sure we all don't have to entire story on why she didn't like her mom boyfriend. There could be a deep level then being in at a certain time. That is one of the main focus. If there is a conflict between a child and the person the parent is darting then people need to take a closer look at the relationship. Sounds like the mother choose love/lust over her child. She needs to step it up and be a mother, that her daughter could be proud of, trust, and come home too.

So there is more to blame then social worker. Even thought she was wrong in many ways.

Social workers have there handful with kids who are getting physical, sexually, mentally abused. Then some runaway girl who is out of control. Maybe if there is not a real reason for her to leave she needs to be locked up in juvie.


hope and prayes for her~~

Answer 3

A lot of the things you said sounds like some of the kids I used to work with. I'm in the States but hopefully my answer will be similar to some UK laws...

In the States a child who's in the system cannot just pick and choose where she lives. She lives with her guardians unless she has been removed to a foster home. Then she has to stay in that foster home, otherwise she's considered a runaway and we put the cops out on her. They are considered minors until they hit 18.

If a teen consistently runs away from foster home placements you are absolutely right that they should have placed her in a more secure facility. Where I used to work was a residential center, and the reason why we were needed is because it's pretty common for a teen to just keep running from foster care. They don't want to be told what to do. Sound familiar? :)

And the kids who keep running are usually the kids with pretty persistent behavioral problems, which it sounds like your cousin has if she has a problem with All rules and authority. Residential treatment tends to be a place where the kid has no choice but to work on their stuff if they want to get out of the center. Family is included in treatment too.

At the very least it sounds like she should have been seeing a therapist.

But it sounds like residential treatment is a moot point now, since it sounds like she's been scared back into the house by a terrible circumstance. Rape is a terrible thing. I hope that she received medical attention. And I hope that she has someone to talk to about this. I don't know the hotline number for the UK, but giving her the rape crisis hotline number would be a good idea. Letting her know that you're there to listen if she needs to talk, believing her, and then referring her to professional help is the best thing you can do for her. How a survivor is treated in the days after the assault has a major affect on how long it takes for the survivor to heal.

It sounds like this social worker is pretty ineffective. There's many places where she dropped the ball. Constant runaways need a more secure placement. Teens who are sexually active need more attention placed on pregnancy prevention and safer sex practices, since it's obvious she's already doing it. So I would suggest talking with the worker and making it clear what you want for your cousin. If she is not responsive go over her head to her supervisor.

Well, I keep saying "you" but what I really mean is her guardian. They won't listen to anyone else. And if your cousin is so out of control that her mom feels like she cannot handle her, there is this thing where she can temporarily turn over care to the government. Here we call it a CHINS... Child in need of services. Then the kid has more consistent monitoring. And if the child wants the CHINS petition lifted they have to shape up.

I'm sorry for talking your ear off. I don't like writing this much at once, but there were so many things to talk about in your question, and since I have experience in the field on the other side of the pond I felt it was important to write it all out. Of course this answer is just suggestions though. Not all of this has to be followed, and of course I'm saying all this based on a little paragraph about your cousin so some of what I said could be off-base.

But to sum it up basically her mom needs to keep on social service's case, and needs to be clear about what she wants to see happen. And she also needs to realize that any treatment for her daughter will eventually include the whole family, because the child doesn't live in a vaccum.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Consider who told you these facts, talk to as many people who KNOW whats going on as possible.

A social worker can't stop someone running away, if a young person wishes to run away it is best to know where. Social can step in when THEY find evidence that the person in question may be in danger. But this social worker may not have actually known or may be a bad social worker that needs reporting.

I hope she is talking to someone about her experiences so she can help get her confidence back. Your cousin may also look to you and other family members for support.

But I don't know the full story so I can't advise any further.

Answer 5

Be glad she came and talked to you about it. At the end of the day you can advise her not to do it, but if she wants to, she will. Buy her protection, I don't know about her but if my Mum bought me a vibrator that would be really weird... I'd probably never use it coz whenever I tried my Mum would pop up in my head! A vibrator is no substitute for the real thing anyway, I've been told. But I wouldn't "forbid" it. That's what my best friends Mum did and it just made her sneak around. Good Luck!

Answer 6

OMG, i cant believe what ive just read. WHY as you are her family, did you let her run away????????????? 13 years olds dont like to be controlled but you have to lay down the law. she is only a child and has been treated as an adult for a year, because the parenting and love of her family was not sufficient. i dont think you can be very responsible. shes a child. she needs boundaries. oh and i dont think the social workers are right!

Answer 7

> Social workers are a waste space in my opinion

Obviously, you are a very dangerous type of rebel against authority. So is your cousin, and her mother.

The social worker simply gave up on the cousin, because there is nothing that can be done within the law. thanks to ACLU, and several other groups. Letting a child run "free" (wild) is a sure way to raise a juvenile delinquent, and future mobster. It ALWAYS works that way.

Now that the damage is done, we try to repair it. That which was broken and repaired is damaged goods. Folks, stop damaging your children by putting them in free-fall.

Answer 8

that is bloody awful.
if social services really did nothing to help her they need a kick up the ****, she is still a child.
at least she is back home now and i really hope she now gets the love and care she deserves. give her time i would think she is probably traumatised by the whole situation.
if people are talking about her at school they are the ones with the problem not her, no matter what she has done she doesn't deserve to be raped.
as i said just give her time ....... and love xxxx

Answer 9

Social workers are only there to help and support her they cant give her a home of her own until 16. she sounds like she needs alot of help have you not tried counselling or family support groups. Hope shes ok and i would tell police about her getting abused (thats a disgrace). Hope everything goes ok. P.S try your nearest housing place and tell them shes homeless they might help her out.

Answer 10

thats funny
never believe a government worker because usually government job positions are filled by skin color vs abilities.
the social worker should be reported to their supervisor. a 13 year old girl is always brought into porn or prostitution as that is the only way to make fat easy money.
if your cousin stays on her own for too long, she is doomed to a life of sex and drugs.