How do you instill self esteem in your children?

Question

I have two preteen boys. The ten-year-old walks with his shoulders slumped and his head down all the time. What can I do to help him feel good about himself?

Answer 1

1. In general the most important thing at that age is to have friends, the type who don't walk out when they are not getting favors. A close second is having a girlfriend: it's considered a measure of both exciting-ness and being in tune socially.

2. At that age also, clothing may be an issue. At my middle school if you did not dress while you would often get beat up. Getting clothing from stores like Urban Outfitters and American Eagle (good, but not rich-looking) is recommended.

3. Shape (far as size) is often a huge issue. If the gym says your kids are too young to use their equipment buy free weights and give your kids a high protien diet with lots of fish pills and nuts...this will help them gain size and increase they confidence.

4. Teach them to do karate, run competitively, or any other talent where they can have the pleasure of beating other kids. This will make it easy to voice back if/when other kids call them "loser".

5. Encourage them to join school clubs and go on dates (yes, dating in pre-teens nowadays is common and kids who do not date are often look upon as weird, boring, and dumb).
If they get turned down for a date, give them a reward maybe ice-cream or a small toy...just make sure they have the impression that, no matter how bad their results of their social escapades are, they still come out on top for trying.

And, one side note, don't force ACADEMICS on them. Don't make them feel dumb when they get bad grades, instead try to make learning more interesting to them and use what they learn to, for example, have something extra to talk about to girls in their classes when they run out of other things to say. If they get a good grade, say "good job", but not in such a way as if it is the only thing they should be proud of.

Best luck!

Answer 2

Rent out the karate kid, and zorro. For you

Cool Runnings (the mirror and toilet scene) .

Ie note how guys need a mentor to show them how to be man and teach them to fight and get confidence.


Get them involved in various extreem sports like power kiting, sky diving, surfing... with elements of danger)... may cost a bit... dealing with drugs costs more.

Those cultures are supportive and he cant be accused of being chicken if jumping out of planes.

Likewise Scuba diving with sahrks or if on holiday in thailand go to
www.tigertemple.co.uk and take a video camera as people will think photos are fake.


Pick martial arts like Krav Maga or Ninjitsu (ie military ones)

www.kravmaga.co.uk

Also put in place girlfriend getting skills.


Ie get them into music say with electric guitars get them fit with muscells, get bloke mentor to get them burbing and being a little bad and naughty

Help them leanr to dance and chat up girls ... the more they know about impressing girls the better. before they find person they like.

Ie help him be an alpha male, strong, (also assertiveness lessons) the kind that gets girls, and not bullied, and how to know how to be naughty and rebellious but still nice.


The idea being rookie stuff know so when hits 14 15 16 will know what to do and be good at it.


Also girls usually like musicians and firemen.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. I'd say you need to find an activity of some sort that both of the boys and maybe the whole family can enjoy together. I'd make sure that when you first start out don't go to say a theme park or anything that might overwhelm the boy, start out slow. Maybe a picnic at a park and playing catch, then camping, etc.

Answer 4

As a mother of three boys 21,16 and 11................ This is a funny age for boys I always say they go through the sulky moody stage from around 10-14 so don't read to much into things. If your really worried then just make sure theres nothing eles wrong may-be at school. good luck its not easy .x

Answer 5

well you can make a big deal about things he does that are good. like if he gets a good grade on some silly paper at school praise him and take him out for a "special" something. also you could enroll him in a sport that he is good at (not one he's bad at) pretty much give him every reason to feel proud... but unfortuantely sometimes a parent's induced self esteem isn't enough- he may need it from his peers the most. good luck

Answer 6

Wow! some peples idea of getting kids outside is scary!! lol
Tell him he is loved, show him how well cared for he is but in my opinon, make sure he understands that if he ever needs to talk about anything that you are always open for a chat! Look at yourself and make sure that you are open and approachable. talk about stuff - anything that is not child orientated - consider him as a mini adult and not a child so conversations about the latest kids TV Programme is not cool, but chatting about who won the footy last night and whether he likes the latest chart tunes is great!
Good luck
Flower xx

Answer 7

its the age i have been through it with my stepson. just stay positive with lots of positive attention and let him know that you love him all the time. spend some alone time with him to. he is at the age where he is figuring himself out and not sure where he wants to turn. he is not yet a teenager but he is growing out of childhood. and if the other child is always teasing him then he can be depressed about that too. never tell him that he is bad just tell him that you know he did wrong and try a way to work on it together. good luck this is just the beginning it will gt better.

Answer 8

I'd say just make him feel loved and proud of himself: when he does good things, praise him, and make sure he knows how much you love him...
I'm 16, and i wish my parents did this. You'll all think that because i'm 16, i'm against my parents and stuff, but i'm not. My dad just doesn't care: he and my mum are divorced, and he doesn't take any interest in myself or my sister, only in our 2 younger brothers; my mum...well...generally, i'm "fat and need to eat less"...actually, i'm not fat, and i don't eat more than my sister...i'm a size 10 and curvy... so anyways...with my brother's she's all love and praise...like if the older of the 2 gets 50% in a test it's all "oh that's amazing!" whereas if i get 100% it's "great..." like who cares... :\

Answer 9

Self confidence is the key.You can not teach them a thing and that's not beacuse you are not a good dictator or trying to be their friend but they don't like to be taught at this age.Try to make them understand that he can be confident by doing this things and not doing some things.Create an example.Teach what you preach.And they will grow up to be wonderful human beings.

Answer 10

self esteem starts at a very young age, and if he doesnt have a good self esteem now its going to be a long journey. So at this point all ready being to I would focus on praise and maybe let him talk to a therapist. Also let him express who is he.

I wish you he best of luck~~